ex made contact. rant. need advice.

[bluberry]

So i've not been coming round here much for the last couple of weeks as i was trying to break up from my BU (e.g stop talking about it, if i think about it, i just let the thoughts pass through my head etc) but i just got an email from the ex today and i feel like i'm back at square 2. Not quite the beginning but somewhere near there.

 

bk story: It's been almost 2 mths since the BU. we dated for 4.5years (before that was on and off). He said he wasn't happy etc etc.

 

his very short email asked how i was going. and said that he is doing very well. then he had to add that if i don't want to hear from him i should let him know but he thinks it would be good to hear from me.

 

i mean what the ****. He dumped me. Hooked up with some girl 2 weeks after that and now is rubbing it in my face that is is doing fine and asks how am i going. And just for kicks, he'll understand if i don't want contact from him.

 

it's like he set up this email so no matter what i lose. If i reply and say i'm fine, i help ease his guilt (the BU was messy). If i reply i'm not well, it's boosting his ego. If i don't reply, i'm showing him i'm not well and can't take the high road and be friends.

 

what am i to do? Yes, i kept wondering why i haven't heard from him but to send this kind of an email it's like just kicking me when i'm down right?

 

What am i suppose to do? I know i'm not suppose to reply and i dont think i want to since i trashed the email and deleted it from my bin. But i'm now feeling angry and sad and so confused all over again.

[WindowTo]

Stop worrying about what he thinks. Do what you actually want to do.

[iBroken]

I would reply with a very frank "Im doing well, thank you for asking. I am not ready to have any contact at this time with you. I have been doing very well and feel that conversation/contact with you will only complicate things. I wish you all the best. Take Care"

[jennb0benn]

 

it's like he set up this email so no matter what i lose. If i reply and say i'm fine, i help ease his guilt (the BU was messy). If i reply i'm not well, it's boosting his ego. If i don't reply, i'm showing him i'm not well and can't take the high road and be friends.

 

what am i to do? Yes, i kept wondering why i haven't heard from him but to send this kind of an email it's like just kicking me when i'm down right?

 

What am i suppose to do? I know i'm not suppose to reply and i dont think i want to since i trashed the email and deleted it from my bin. But i'm now feeling angry and sad and so confused all over again.

 

Ignore the bastard. Not replying back is just showing him that you don't care to bother with him anymore. Only you matter. and please don't feel bad ~sends hugs~

[HeartGoesOn]

You owe him nothing...Slience carries the loudest voice.

[pumpkinmoon]

I'd ignore it too.

[baxxter]

I'd ignore it. If you don't reply he will keep wondering, but if you do reply he will get his "hit" and leave "you" wonder what he is thinking / doing now. Don't bother!

 

Plus, he is probably having some problem with the girl he cheated on you with. He might needs you to comfort him, so he will feel OK to go back to her to deal with their problem, maybe!

 

He's no good for you, leave it, leave it, you deserve SO MUCH better!

[AutumnBorn]

I'd respond with a simple, clear message...forward it to his girlfriend and ask her to please try to control her man.

[bluberry]

Thanks for the advice and pointing out that i don't owe him anything but here's the thing:

 

i know the best thing for me is to ignore it but i'm torn because i'm wondering if it's immature to do that. Ideally i wouldn't care at all about this 'situation' or what he is thinking but i do and i'm torn over doing what is right for me which is ignore or doing the mature thing in this case and respond with a short polite 'i'm doing well. thank you.'

 

I know doing the mature thing will leave me wondering about it all over again when he doesn't reply.

 

So is it really immature to not reply?

 

 

jenn - hugs back! thanks!

bax - you are most likely right.. that's what my gut is telling me too.

[HeartGoesOn]

No, it's not immature to not reply. He has to face the consequences, and understand that when he dumped you he lost the privilege of knowing your personal business.

[WomanWriter]

I think that, deep down, you want to reply for closure. If you think it would make YOU feel better, just send a simple reply of "I'm good. Thanks."

There. You've taken the high road of not ignoring him completely, but you don't owe him the details of your life. Good compromise, I'd say.

[bluberry]

yes i do want to contact him for closure and just get angry at him.. which i also know will get me nowhere.

 

i do want to tell him that he is a complete bastard for doing what he did and what he's doing now and sending this email is just plain cruel and selfish. I don't need him feeling sorry for me. I want to hurt him. I mean why the hell would anybody want to tell the ex they dumped they are doing great and would love to hear from them but understand if they don't! What an a**hole! But at the same time i don't want to show him how much i'm hurting right now.

 

I think sometimes it's just easier when they disappear for good because then it's easier to accept that it's all in your own head and you can control things. I know now it's still also all just in my own head but so much harder to accept because it is reality that it just took him less than 2 mths after the BU to fully get over it all.

[baxxter]

It's not immature, and again, it doesn't matter because you are worried about how mature you appear in his eyes. You can appear like a baby if you chose to, it doesn't matter any more, he left you, he is not with you now, you are your own person and you need to do what is right for you. (Well, you alway need to do what is right for us, but some of us don't while in relationships, do we?)

 

And again, no, it really isn't immature, especially after everything he's done.

 

You don't know if he is over you, he still thinks about you tho?

 

Telling him ho much you are hurting only makes him feel good, because he will know for sure that you still care!