Consultation tomorrow

[ksh1255]

Alright,

 

What I am going for is obviously to have my ex pegged for adultry. I am wanting to also get full custody of my daughter, however I will discuss this with my lawyer as I really have no hard evidence to prove her unfit. I will settle for half custody, but since my ex and her whole family are unstable, I want to be in her life as much as humanly possible. Both my wife and her mother have bounced their children home to home, man to man, county to county. That is no life for a child, and is the reason I feel my wife is so whacked out in the head, and can never be happy with anyone.

 

Also, since I put her thru school and she did not work, nor did her son receive any child support, I am wanting some type of reimbursement for everything I've done. She has already walked out with all the furniture and half of everything in the house. I would like to see how this fares in court. Since I went bankrupt doing all of this and we were married, I hope half my debt becomes hers as well...because it came from her.

 

I have the facebook conversation with her and the guy that was very very sexually explicit, which is why I gave her the divorce. I have all the text message records, the phone calls, I have texts from an ex the month before that she deleted from her phone completely and lied to me about.

 

I also have a conversation with her ex's sister about our problems, and her plans to stay until she starts work because she has nowhere to go. I know she is with her ex now, atleast hanging out but I can not prove it.

 

Anything else I am overlooking, or by chance some opinions on what I should put in the separation agreement? I know that I am putting that she will live with no man until she is married. I told her back in February I was going to put that in there. I know I want my wedding ring back, the shady ass way I got done I deserve it back. Basically I want to prove I was used for school and support, which is all it boils down to. We only got back together 4 months before we got married, which was beyond stupid on my part. Lesson learned.

 

Any other ideas?

[savignon]

Sounds like you're really out to stick it to her and I have no other 'ideas', but will suggest that your anger about this woman you once loved enough to marry and have a child with is *also* not good for a child (you seem so focused on her faults and wanting to help the kid that I thought I'd point it out).

[ksh1255]

Thank you, not sure if you read my story or not but it's here:

 

 

 

Trust me, I am not at fault for this, as my wife has a past history of doing this same thing to everyone. I was just really to the extreme. For a man that poured 200% into his marriage, and never gave his wife a reason not to love him or be happy, yes I do have anger, especially seeing as she is running around with her ex that I befriended, its just another slap to the face after all I've done.

 

However, my concern is not to get back at her at all, because i have always carried myself with respect. It is what i think is for the best interest of our child. Even after everything she has done without apology, being a loving husband who vowed for better or worse, I would have given it another shot. It's just her family history of abandonment, drug use, abuse, moving man to man etc...that makes me want custody. I do not think she is a bad mother, nor have i ever said that, but the way her and her family carry themselves thru life is not the most positive influence.

[MD Geist]

This is very depressing to read.

[ksh1255]

This is very depressing to read.

 

It's a very depressing life to live. Not knowing day to day what was real, of if you were just being used the whole time.

[Raoul]

I have the facebook conversation with her and the guy that was very very sexually explicit, which is why I gave her the divorce. I have all the text message records, the phone calls, I have texts from an ex the month before that she deleted from her phone completely and lied to me about.

 

I also have a conversation with her ex's sister about our problems, and her plans to stay until she starts work because she has nowhere to go. I know she is with her ex now, atleast hanging out but I can not prove it.?

 

KSH,

 

Sounds like you've got a solid approach and are covering things well. Advocate aggressively for your daughter. She needs you more than ever right now.

 

On the items in quotes above, most of this stuff is 'discoverable' in divorce proceedings. Anything she deleted from her phone can be recovered from your provider under a legal subpoena. I'm less sure about Facebook, but many have discovered to their detriment that 'digital is forever'. So ask your lawyer if it will help your case and do the best for your daughter.

 

A PI can tell you what your ex is up to. This isn't cheap, but it may be valuable. I got everything I needed to know (but more than I ever wanted to know) about my wife's affair via detectives. Your attorney should tell you if this can work for you.

 

Stay strong,

Raoul

[Raoul]

Sounds like you're really out to stick it to her and I have no other 'ideas', but will suggest that your anger about this woman you once loved enough to marry and have a child with is *also* not good for a child (you seem so focused on her faults and wanting to help the kid that I thought I'd point it out).

 

Savignon,

 

I don't know if you've been through anything like KSH. If you have, you know that once things like this 'go legal', it is an adversarial process with professional advocates.

 

That's what law is, a surrogate war where each lawyer is obligated to get the best deal he/she can get under the laws, cases and precedents for their respective clients.

 

As a practical matter, KSH is asking for fairness not vengeance. Anger? Perhaps. But not much from what I've read and mostly understandable.

 

Wanting half the debts assigned to her is balanced, overbalanced perhaps. Much of the expense that delivered KSH to bankruptcy came from his ex. Division of assets is among the more straightforward things that happen in divorce once the paperwork is done. I don't hear KSH asking for anything more than that.

 

And advocating for his child is exactly what he should do, without hesitance, restraint or reservation. This includes the standard 'no cohabitation' language. The statistics on the children of divorce are horrifying. So going for as good as you can get in defense of your child is no vice.

 

 

Raoul

[Raoul]

It's a very depressing life to live. Not knowing day to day what was real, of if you were just being used the whole time.

 

This!

 

Raoul

[lostandhurt]

Ksh,

This is now a business dealing and you need to treat it as such. Don't be petty or vengeful. You are in a better place but it can be all to easy to slip and become someone you are not. Listen to Raoul he has given you some sound advice.

 

The end game is what you need to keep in mind always. Don't let some petty issue derail you from your overall plan. Losing a battle to win the war is a very good stragety. She is unstable so use this to your advantage. If you can get her to "loose it" it may or may not help you. Keep this in mind.

 

Best wishes

Lost