Update to my snooping

[Honey1]

Ok so here is an update to my snooping. If you need to catch up please read my previous post under trust and relationships.

So I got into my bf email account this morning and he had fowarded himself 3 emails from his other email address. They were from her, the one he is NOT supposed to be communicating with.

Turns out, from what I read, he has not been calling her and she has been emailing him often telling him she's still waiting on a call. She also has been sending him pictures of herself in swimsuits and such. I got her cp number off the email. Should I call her? Should I find her bf and tell him? I do have to admit that in this email he finally responded at 3am this morning. We had a argument last night.

She played on his emotions and told him she really needed him cause she lost a friend and I must really have a hold on him cause she hasn't heard from him. He told her that she needed to stop doing this & he would call her this morning cause he knows it's hard to lose a friend.

He also told her to now email him on the new email address cause the old one is full of spam.

Also, that work email I mentioned I'd never see. Well I see that she cc her message to that email address.

ENA how should I handle this? Should I confront her or leave him](*,)

[kaligrl22]

Leave him... DO NOT call her or her bf. Trust me I've been there and all it does is cause more drama than it's worth. He's clearly not going to stop talking to her and you're clearly not okay with it.

[turnera]

Why aren't you confronting HIM?

[luv2bfit]

I do have to admit that in this email he finally responded at 3am this morning.

 

He told her that she needed to stop doing this & he would call her this morning cause he knows it's hard to lose a friend.

 

He also told her to now email him on the new email address cause the old one is full of spam.

Also, that work email I mentioned I'd never see. Well I see that she cc her message to that email address.

 

So he obviously is NOT putting an end to their communication even though he said he would.

I don't understand why he can't break off communication with her, it's obviously destroying your relationship because he repeatedly hides it, lies about it yet continues to do it behind your back. He shows zero respect for your feelings and in my opinion is not a very honorable person.. His word means nothing. He says to you he will stop doing something, yet continues to do so.

I'd present him with the evidence you have and say that the relationship is over so I guess he gets what he wants and that is to talk to her as much as he wants.

You've given him so many chances, all he needed to do was be honest about it and stop communicating.

If I were you, I'd be gone... You've given him way too many chances. What is this doing for your relationship in a positive way? NOTHING.

[Honey1]

I will be confronting him. I will wait a few more days to see if these emails get a little more personal. As I said she has been emailing him, he has not been calling her or responding.

His first time was at 3am and he told her he would call her when he got to work. He also told her she needs to stop this.

I don't think he's interested in her......maybe I'm just making excuses. Keep your advice/opinions coming I can handle them

[Cranberrydots]

Personally id do both confront her ass and leave him...cuz rly yes lossing a friend is hard but send pictures of herself in a bathing suit and him not saying whoa stop! even if you two were fighting its no excuse to email her. he might not be doing anything but he could be. its so hard to tell if he could be cheating if you have that a suspicion rly id look at your relationship whats best for you in the long run are you willing to get hurt by him more?

[luv2bfit]

So really what are you angry about?

Do you care if they communicate just as friends, as long as it is not flirting/sexual/or anything going on between them? If so, just tell him.. Look I know you two communicate and you can't stop... So just don't hide it and keep it friendly and don't cross the line and I'm ok with it. That way he won't have to hide it.

 

If you don't like the communication AT ALL... Well he's already lied 3x and keeps doing it... SO I don't exactly understand what you want him to do here...

[Lunaetick]

You have given him many chances, and he lies every time. He promises you that he's done communicating with her, but then he just keeps on doing it. This is now the third time this has happened?

 

I think he's showing you very clearly that he can't be trusted, and that he will just tell you whatever you want to hear. I remember from your last thread that you were thinking of installing a key logger on his computer. You obviously don't trust him, and with good reason. This is a lot of trouble to go through for someone that you're not even married to. There are plenty of men out there who will be honest with you and who won't put you through anything like this; you deserve a lot better.

[Unreasonable]

It seems to me like your BF really wants to cut her out of your life, but he can't quite ignore her and be mean about it.

 

I'd just say, "How are things going honey? Has that woman been trying to contact you again?" That's about as confrontational as I would be. If you keep allowing the woman to chip away at him of course its going to lead somewhere you aren't comfortable. I'd tell him, get a new e-mail, change phone numbers, ban her from facebook, but contact with her just can't happen.

 

And if he has made an agreement that she should be out of his life (he's clear on this right?), I see no problem with calling her up and reaming her ass out. Make her know you are keeping an eye on her, that she needs to find her own man, and you never want to hear her name again.

 

But listen, you really have no strong attachment to this guy as far as marriage, kids, etc. If he can't stop, then just let him go. It isn't worth the pain.

[Honey1]

Oh goodness, you guys are gonna make me cry:sad:

I know I deserve better. I know I deserve honesty.

To answer your question, no, I am not ok with them communicating.

I am satisfied to see that he has not been calling her or responding to her emails.

This is what she said "I see she really has a hold on you baby, I have not heard from you, I am worried and I was really sad cause a family friend passed and you are usually the one who makes me feel better" he in response said "you have got to stop doing this, I know it's hard losing someone and I'm sorry for your loss, I'll call you in the morning"

There were a few other emails from her that she said "Still no call"

That's why I feel like he's trying but then again he did give her the ok to email him at this email address :sad: Oh guys, help me through this

[april15]

I am not certain this is accurate. Your trust has been broken, your bf knows this and is not building back your trust. The hole is getting deeper. A relationship where you need to snoop is not healthy.

[d24]

advice: stop snooping.

[Honey1]

Thanks april15 for your advice.

It's easier said than done to just walk away. We have two great years. This has been a really bad year for us.

Both me and my son love this man. It's gonna be so hard especially since I left him before and let him back in. I will give it a little more time, see if they keep the communication going or did he cut her off.

Can't stop snooping d24, that's how I find out my info!](*,)

[HeartGoesOn]

I think that when it gets to a point where you have to "police" him, the relationship is history. If he had any integrity what so ever, he would not be staying in contact with her.

[Honey1]

#-oThough I absolutely hate to admit it. You are right. He should not have called her no matter what sad excuse she gave him. He should have stood his ground. In that degree he failed but based on her numerous emails that said "still no call" I can see he is trying. He also told her "you really need to stop this" That shows me he has told her to leave him alone, that's waht makes me feel like I need to step in cause he can no longer handle it!

[Unreasonable]

Okay, he knows having her in his life is a dealbreaker right? Has he told you he doesn't want to talk to her?

 

If so, call the b*tch. Tell her that you and he want nothing to do with her anymore and go find some other shoulder to cry on. Sometimes a little intimidation is all that's needed.