Are you dateless?

[carra]

Through the years I have met quite a few guys who, like me, had been several months dateless, or even more. And not by choice. I have often wondered why, since in most cases there wasn't any obvious flaw in those men. But when a few weeks ago, a friend of mine confessed to me that he had been 2 years without sex I was really shocked! I mean, I perceive him as a quite COOL guy, so if he can't get any dates what chances do I have??

 

So, do you believe this is normal? Anyone here on ENA going through the same?

[newwave]

I've gone through years (yes years) of being dateless or even without sex. Not that I couldn't have gotten both (and during my dateless years I often had fwb's but that get boring). In fact I always get asked out on dates, but would rather be alone than with a guy who doesn't interest me or whom I could never get serious. Also, for many years I was wrapped up completely either in graduate school or my job, not wanting any relationship. The sex issue is a lot more complicated. Years ago I was pretty active sexually and had many partners. Most of my boyfriends I slept with right away. I found out though that most of these guys never loved me so I made a vow then never to have sexual intercourse again until I am in a committed relationship. If I had made this vow earlier I might not still be single at 39 (or at least have chosen better). I'm not happy in hindsight I didn't date for a few years, but it also let myself heal after all the hurt. This is probably why I am trying to help the guy I love heal because I've been there.

[Xylitol]

Its normal, its got nothing to do with the guys or girls in question, its got to do with the 'time spirit' we live in.

 

Modern times, we are born then we get thrown on school, were we have to occupy 1/3 of our lives with study, meaning that when people are 27 or even later they are done with studying, meaning that they always have to stay home with their parents, this prevents them from becoming adults, they have computers that they stay behind the entire day, forcing them to become socially isolated, then work comes , woman are also completely occupied with work, meaning no time for family or bf, they get children way above their thirties, meaning very little sex, nor time to raise children because of their busy careers. Meaning a decline in population, add the stress to it, and unrealistic expectations along with nobody understanding eachother and living completely unnatural lifestyles, men and woman are further away removed from eachother then ever before. Add to that that we don't need eachother anymore, in old days you used to be dependend on eachother and families sticking together, now you can order your pizza from behind your computer, and you can stay alive without even going outside, doing your job from behind your computer. And the list goes on and on, economic crisis, bad housing market. Meaning there's little to no oppertunity. Of course its overexaggerated to say that there is no chance, but these things are definitly tied to the tides of time.

[FathomFear]

I'm 30 and haven't been on a date. Most people who don't know me well are surprised when they find out.

 

As far as whether it's common, I think these boards are proof enough that there's definitely a sizeable portion of the population in this situation.

[BriarRose]

Yes, it's normal, and doesn't mean the person isn't "cool" or less desirable. I was shocked when i learned my ex had gone 4 years with no sex (he was quite good-looking and very personable).

[wsim]

I am almost 26 and have never been on a date before. Yes, I'm a guy.

 

There isn't too much wrong with me (I'm not perfect but who is?) and somewhat on the shy side but there shouldn't be any reason why I have been single forever. I've had lots of bad luck, timing and unfortunately girls never have given me a chance. Some people have a really tough time out there when it comes to dating, myself included.

 

Not by choice either. I guess it is the way society works sometimes, really sucks though. Most of my friends are surprised but there is no answer behind my situation and I can't be blamed for not trying also.

 

Believe me, I would never wish anyone to be in the situation that I find myself in.... not even my worst enemy.

[carra]

There isn't too much wrong with me (I'm not perfect but who is?) and somewhat on the shy side but there shouldn't be any reason why I have been single forever. I've had lots of bad luck, timing and unfortunately girls never have given me a chance. Some people have a really tough time out there when it comes to dating, myself included.

I think you hit a good point here wsim.

 

If you look at the reaction of women when a man walks up to them and talks to them, you notice a BIG difference on how some men are treated, like they discard those men within seconds. And they don't stand out in any bad way (i.e. fat, bald, ackward, whatever). Other men, from the first moments are received with a smile.

 

I'm writing this because from my personal experience, the very few times a woman gave me an opportunity I think I did well enough. So for many guys the problem is getting past those first moments. So, great, we have learned the problem so we can search for a solution!! Right?? Well, easier said than done... There is a lot of dating advice out there but I couldn't make it work for this so far.