I have a "boy addiction"

[thegirl_00]

I have realized that I have a "boy addiction".

 

Whenever I go through a break up, I have discovered that the best way for me to get over someone is by starting to date someone else ASAP. I have been doing this for years. In the past 4 years i have been in about 10 relationships (2 of them lasted over a year, the others only lasted a month or two).

 

My current situation is that i was with someone for a year, he broke up with me only 8 days ago and I was crushed for 5 of those days. I didn't go to school for those 5 days, wrote an exam and failed for the first time EVER, and cried like crazy...

 

But I met a new boy 3 days ago and we have hung out all 3 days. He really likes me already and dating him is making me feel SOO much better about life. I have started studying again (thank goodness), and I don't even think about my ex anymore.

 

Is there something wrong with me?

[Lamour detruit]

Yes, there is. You need to learn to be happy on your own in life, without having it depend on other people.

 

Until you can manage this, the cycle won't be broken. Back off on other guys, and cope with the sadness, do your thing, enjoy being single, and then get back into the dating game once you've accomplished this.

[Cheetarah]

Everyone deals with the pain of breakups differently. Everyone moves on in different ways. But it sounds like you're using relationships as a crutch, a way to escape the pain/loneliness. This isn't new or a one time thing, this is a long-standing pattern. Is being alone scary for you? Have you ever NOT rebounded?

 

It's not healthy to go from this, just 3 days ago -

 

Well it was originally my decision to break up. But then about 3 hours later I told him we should try to at least work things out but not smother each other.

 

I'm sick to my stomach. He always promised me the world, but then he took EVERYTHING away from me and waved it in my face.

 

On top of it all i have made a complete idiot of myself calling him non stop, sending him emotional emails, calling him at work, i even contacted his ex. I cry to him all the time and beg for him back. I know how unattractive it is, but I just figure that he is done with me anyways so why not make him feel bad for how much pain he is putting me through.

 

Maybe I am just selfish and deserve all this.

 

I'm sick.

 

to this -

 

My current situation is that i was with someone for a year, he broke up with me only 8 days ago and I was crushed for 5 of those days. I didn't go to school for those 5 days, wrote an exam and failed for the first time EVER, and cried like crazy...

 

But I met a new boy 3 days ago and we have hung out all 3 days. He really likes me already and dating him is making me feel SOO much better about life. I have started studying again (thank goodness), and I don't even think about my ex anymore.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You need to be able to get your own life in order. You can't fall apart and not take care of your education or later on, a job just because a guy dumps you. You need to be more self-sufficient so that you can continue taking care of your business even if a guy isn't around.

[FathomFear]

Yes, it sounds like you tie your self-worth to being in a relationship with a man. I would say this is something you need to correct. You need to have the ability to be happy and functional outside of a relationship.

 

And outside of that, I find it rather disturbing that you've already forgotten about your ex, whom you had dated for a year...

[thegirl_00]

Everyone deals with the pain of breakups differently. Everyone moves on in different ways. But it sounds like you're using relationships as a crutch, a way to escape the pain/loneliness. This isn't new or a one time thing, this is a long-standing pattern. Is being alone scary for you? Have you ever NOT rebounded?

 

It's not healthy to go from this, just 3 days ago -

 

 

 

to this -

 

 

The only time i DIDN'T rebound was when i was 14...

 

Since then it has been one after another. I don't know what my problem is, but I am aware that I have one.

 

I think I get SOO devastated when I go through a break up because I can't stand the thought that someone doesn't want to be with me. It makes me feel like I am worthless. When someone new likes me I feel good about myself again and that I am worth liking. Does that make sense?

[thegirl_00]

Yes, it sounds like you tie your self-worth to being in a relationship with a man. I would say this is something you need to correct. You need to have the ability to be happy and functional outside of a relationship.

 

And outside of that, I find it rather disturbing that you've already forgotten about your ex, whom you had dated for a year...

 

 

Yes I know. But he has forgotten about me anyways and made it clear that he wants nothing to do with me.

 

I just feel like it is SO much easier to rebound and feel better, then to go through the healing process and feel terrible and have important things in my life suffer because of it.

[maelstrom]

If you feel bad about yourself, then you date a guy who makes you feel better, inside don't you still feel bad about yourself, and won't that ultimately ruin the relationship?

 

Don't you think that you'd like to feel good about yourself without having to only be able to see that when it's reflected back at you in the eyes of a new person? In 3 days how much does someone even know about you? It seems like what you are doing is piling up a lot of bad feelings inside, one broken relationship after another, and one day you're going to have to face all that heaped up stuff at one time. You aren't dealing with it, you're just shoving it under the rug of romance and infatuation.

 

It seems unfair to yourself and to others.

[lostnscared]

I have a friend that is like you. She's never truly been single. The moment a relationship ends, she's on to the next one within a week. Even as far as moving in with these men. The issue is that she KEEPS getting involved with the wrong men, and in the wrong relationships because she never takes the time to HEAL and find herself--in turn attracting men who know she has low self esteem and who are just as broken as she is=broken relationship.

Everyone has different ways to recoup. Some people do NEED rebounds to move on, others can do it on their own.

I haven't seen my ex in a month, and haven't talked to him in three weeks. The first two weeks were hard, but this week I've found myself pulling through and getting myself together. I've never been one to really rebound. I *have* to have at least 2-3 months by myself before I can safely get involved in a *casual* relationship.

I won't say you're wrong, but in the long run this isn't healthy and you aren't taking the time to heal and to get to know you without a man.

I hope that you can work through this.

[digger11]

the truth is, it's not healthy. You should be mourning these relationships and learn to be ok to be alone. what is also true is you can go through life rebound after rebound and nothing bad will happen. there will always be another person, but try to gain independence for yourself.

[Fishman]

My old coach gave me one of the most valuable lessons in my life. All good things originate in part from self-denial. If you want to get stronger, you have to deny yourself comfort and work out. If you want to do better in school, you have to deny yourself some partying time. I think its not too different with relationships.

 

If you really think you need another person to be happy, I regret to inform you that you will never truly be happy. You are stuck with yourself far more often than any other person, even if you are in a relationship. Hence, you might want to find a way to like that person (yourself) without someone else clouding the issue for you before you jump back in. At least give it a shot.