Soo Frustrating!! Please Help!!

[Loriana]

I've been talking to this guy i met online for six months and i've never had such a strong connection with someone we can talk for hours about anything and everything. We started off just texting and talking on MSN, then one day he called me and thats when things started to develop from there. We realised we got on through phone conversations as well. He used to ring me most days for a few months and we would talk till like 5 in the morning sometimes. He said hes fallen for me and that he likes me more then a friend and in the future he would want something to happen with us, i completely feel the same about him.

 

We talk every day but for the last 2 months or so he's stopped calling for some reason. Or he'll say he will call but he never does. When we text now sometimes he don't even reply back and just today we were talking on MSN and he said he'll be right back and i waited like an hour for him and i checked my MSN and he had gone offline he hadnt said bye or anything.

 

I don't know what to do cos i'd never thought this would happen, in the beginning we were so strong together but now its like i think hes stopped liking me. The most hurtful thing is that hes still talking to me every day but things arent the same. He said he'd always be honest with me if hes lost interest and he just isn't being honest.

 

I've talked to him about it once or twice before but he always comes up with the same thing like "Sorry Baby i've been a bit busy but i will call you tomorrow night if you want". I don't want to complain about it too much because i dont wanna sound too clingy.

 

it just really upsetting me not knowing whether hes lost interest or if hes really just busy. I just have a bad feeling about this. So should i not say anything and just let things take its cause and act casual about it and just let us drift apart? or should i say what im feeling which is that i feel like hes taken the piss with not calling me etc and if he doesnt feel the same about me then just tell me and i'll go cos i don't want him to stick around to just pitty me. Please help guys feeling really upset at the moment about this.

[odile]

Have you ever met him in person? Do you know any of his friends or family?

Are you friends on facebook, or is there any way you could have some window into is life beyond what he has said to you himself?

 

He may like you, but that doesn't mean he's really looking for anything serious from you (or that he's even worthy of anything serious with anyone).

 

Your bad feeling may be justified--

it sounds to me like there's a very good chance he has a girlfriend or wife, and looks for string-free romance with unwitting other(s).

 

 

[Cadence44]

Do you guys live far from one another? If you don't, if you haven't met by now, there's something wrong.

 

Secondly, he's obviously distancing himself from you. The worst thing that you can do is to push him and become needy. You should back off yourself.

 

It's really possible that something odd is going on here, though. He could have lost interest, he could have met someone else, he could have been involved with someone else the entire time that you've been talking. You just don't know. The best thing that you can do is to back off. If he comes back to you, you'll need to ask him some tough questions.

[Loriana]

Well yeah we are friends on Facebook but the thing is he never really goes on Facebook i've looked on his profile page and its been the same for like a month. Theres a comment from his older sister and his friend has commented on his status but thats about it. He only has 72 friends on there and his realtionship status is single.

 

Well yeah he says he doesn't want to rush things with me and he says hes happy being single at the moment and also cos he has a few things to sort out in his life thats why he thinks hes better of staying single.

 

I sort of came to the conclusion about him having a girlfriend or talking to other girls and hes always saying that i'm the only girl he talks to every time i bring that up so don't know what to think of that anymore.

 

We haven't met because he says hes not ready to yet because he doesn't want to mess up what we have right now. Also i think the fact that i'm 17 and hes 23 may be a bit of a problem for us. He said he doesn't mind waiting until i turn 18 next January then we can meet.

 

He seems so laid back about meeting and i do question it because he is a guy and he does have needs so i just don't know what hes really up to or what hes doing cos i'm not there. in a way i'll never really know the truth so maybe i should just let things go.

[savignon]

To me it doesn't make much sense to say "I don't want to mess up what we have now" (texting and phone calls...? and mess it up with what...meeting in person and having a real face-to-face relationship?)

Yes, it could be that you're just 17, but he could also tell you that instead of blowing it off with "I'm just so busy". My take on the 'busy' excuse is that it's BS. I have 2 friends who are doctors and work 24 hour shifts and still find time to date and do the things they want to do. There's no such thing as too busy for what you want. You're only too busy to not do the things you don't want to do. That's been my conclusion after years and years of dating and watching my friends date, etc.

I say trust your gut. It's okay to say that YOU are not getting what YOU need out of this (more contact, etc.)...you don't need to follow his lead and ride it out. Relationships go both ways and if you're not happy, you don't have to sit around and see if he'll dump you eventually. You get a say in this.

[Loriana]

I know you're completely right and i've had my say in it and told him what i think but he hears me but he don't really listen to what i'm saying you know?. But i've never actually said i WANT you to call me, or i WANT you to want me the way i want you kinda thing because i'm not that girl. I'd rather him be honest with me and say that hes not into me anymore then sit here and wonder why he doesn't call or why he don't text back sometimes. I don't wanna be pushy but at the end of the day i really want things to work out so backing off is gonna be hard cos its like 6 months of getting on and having an awesome time and then going from that to nothing?. It just doesn't make sense.

[savignon]

I know you're completely right and i've had my say in it and told him what i think but he hears me but he don't really listen to what i'm saying you know?. But i've never actually said i WANT you to call me, or i WANT you to want me the way i want you kinda thing because i'm not that girl. I'd rather him be honest with me and say that hes not into me anymore then sit here and wonder why he doesn't call or why he don't text back sometimes. I don't wanna be pushy but at the end of the day i really want things to work out so backing off is gonna be hard cos its like 6 months of getting on and having an awesome time and then going from that to nothing?. It just doesn't make sense.

 

You'd "rather" he be honest with you...but he's not being honest with you. And to say, "Well, I had my say but he didn't listen, so....."

Why not tell him you're interested in a relationship with some more contact and signs of interest? If he tells you he's "too busy" for that or can't offer that, then it's time to find someone else. I'm trying to offer you something here because if I had known at 17 years old to take people at their word, I'd have saved myself a hell of a lot of time and heartache.

"I'm too busy" is BS. If you take anything away from this thread, take that.

[TruthSee]

Sorry double post

[TruthSee]

I completely agree with savignon.

"I'm too busy" is BS.

. You can do it if you really want it.

I was in an online relationship before, at the beginning was all nice but then he started to get busy and then he would come up with "I'm really sorry I didn't talk to you I was really busy" well you know eventually I figured that I couldn't be in that situation anymore so regardless of my feelings for him I decided I had to forget and meet real people. After that, We used to talk occasionally but it wasn't the same, at least from my side and I guess he also felt that way.

Online relationships just like the real ones require time, commitment and communication from both sides.

[alisha22]

hi Loriana:

 

I can completely sympathize and relate with your story. I am in a similar ordeal. i too was talking to this guy for over a period of six months, and we had an amazing emotional connection, i never had that kind of a connection with any one before. We were really good friends and there was a lot of underline flirting, we talked about everything. In the beginning we talked almost every day for hours, but then due to busy schedules we talked less and less. But i would always check up on him from time to time. He always said he would come and visit, but it never happened. do you guys live in the same city? how far is the distance? he is also 23 years old, i'm 22. I don;t know why he is behaving this way, i have stopped talking to him, sensing that he might have lost interest. His status is always set to busy when he comes online and he no longer initiates contact any more. but always talks to me when i say hi, making conversations etc etc. Let me know how this unfolds for you, as i am in a similar situation. i think the best thing is to move on, but i know what you mean, there is always the lingering "what if it had worked out, it would have been perfect" specially when he hasn't specifically ended it. pm if you would like to share or get more details.

[KH26]

I agree with savignon too that the busy excuse is BS. My boyfriend (like savignon's friends) is a doctor (emergency) and works insane hours but still makes time to see me and go places with me even if it is just for a few hours. If this guy is interested he would make the time to see you.

 

This reminds me so much of my ex (who I was in a real life relationship with so maybe a bit different, I don't know). Started over Christmas, it was getting harder and harder to get hold of him. He wouldn't answer my calls and ignored my texts most of time time. But I was so in denial, I wanted to believe that it was Christmas and his brothers birthday, he was with family, he was busy, he had work stuff to do etc. He was just busy. But then I realised if he cared about me as much as I believed he did then he'd make the effort to get in touch and tell me that he was OK (I hadn't heard from him in a while and believed that something had happened to him). Then one day I was absolutely devastated because he was ignoring me, looked for him on Facebook (he said he didn't have one and I'd never looked before) and his relationship status said he was in a relationship with someone else! Turns out he'd met this other girl at some Christmas party, got with he and just ignored me. Blah. It was awful! But he wasn't worth my time, I'm glad it ended because now I'm happy.

 

You need to think about whether you can keep doing this. My ex would not have given me an answer. Friends kept telling me to let it go, not to contact him because I had my answer. I knew they were right but I kept saying that I wanted him to come tell me to my face that he wasn't interested anymore. I knew after a while that it wasn't going to happen but I kept waiting. And if I hadn't have come to my senses I could still be waiting now!

 

So, yeah, you might be waiting forever for an answer. You might never get it. I'd say stop contacting him for a while, see if he comes to you. He will if he's interested, trust me.

 

I'm sorry but to me it does sound like there's someone else in the picture.

 

Good luck! I hope things work out OK for you.

[Loriana]

Well he works nights in a carpet factory and he works from 7pm to 4am and in the beginning he ALWAYS used to make time for me he used to ring me at work when he got a spare moment but now i've got nothing.

 

I thought if i cooled things off with him he'd maybe call again or we'll just be friends but nothing is working. yestarday when he signed off from MSN without saying bye that was kind of like the last straw for me. later on last night he texted me and in the end i made it clear that i wasn't happy didn't understand why hes stopped calling or why we've drifted apart. He was kind of in shock he didn't know i was really hurting and upset. He said he was so sorry he didn't realise before and he said that was an idiot for saying he'll call but then doesn't. He also said that hes so used to pushing people away that sometimes he doesnt know hes doing it and that he doesn't want to push me away and he said he still likes me.

 

The thing is i said to him we've drifted apart and its not the same what we had before is gone and what hurts the most is that we were so close and now its like i'm watching him walk away. I said maybe i should just go cos i don't deserve to be treated like this and this isn't working. Then he replied with how can we make it work how can we make it go back to the way we were?. I'll try and get it back to the way we were before i just don't wanna let you go.

 

He's said similar things to me before when ive confronted him about him not calling and us drifting apart and i've taken him back and then things are still the same. If i give him another chance then something has to change because i don't deserve to be treated like this. Then a part of me says i should just let this go because its just hurt me too much.

 

He sent me a message at 4am when he got in from work saying that he really doesn't want to leave things this way and that he'll talk to me about it tomorrow.

 

So obviously i'm going to need to talk to him some more about it i'm just really hurt by this whole thing right now.

[savignon]

If you give him another chance the difference in your pain is that you're going to be mad at and disappointed in yourself instead of him. When you've been a fool over and over with the same results (getting played in other words), it takes a toll on you. You know and have said you deserve better, so why not go for better with a better partner?? Either you don't really believe that you deserve more or you believe he's going to change. I hope you think some more about it before making a decision to give him another another chance.

[KH26]

My boyfriend works 8pm till 9am and later some nights but always makes time to at least give me a call.

 

Seems like he's just clinging on but isn't willing to actually do much to make the relationship work. So he's going to call tonight? See if he does, I guess. And, again, I agree with savignon. You need to stop giving him chances at some point. If you keep it up he's just going to think he can walk all over you and treat you the way he wants to. It isn't fair on you and I'm sure you can do better than that. I think you've given him enough of a chance really.

[Loriana]

Its just gonna really hurt if i go cos we had such a strong emotional connection and i'm scared if i lose him i'll never find that connection again. I do believe i deserve better but i've had a string of online relationships that havent worked out before but this one just feels like the real thing i just don't see how all of the moments we shared like talking for hours on the phone late at night and having a laugh how that could of all just gone. I even remember the first day i met him. I guess i'm just thinking about what could of been, i feel like i might cry its like grieving in a way.

[Loriana]

I know i've been really questioning what to do all day really and i have to make my mind up soon cos he'll probably text me in a bit. You see i don't want to lose all contact with him cos even though he doesn't call anymore he still texts me every day and we do get on well still. I just think the best thing to do is tell him that i think we both need space for a while and see what happens with that, maybe not talk every single day. I feel like we're both holding on to each other and we've become so attatched that i feel we need to separate for a while, get a sense of clarity and then see how things go from there thats the only thing i can think of right now cos i'm serious about him and i want him to be serious too and if it takes leaving for him to see what he had then i'll have to do it.