NO idea what to do - please help!

[hellodoe]

So, my coworker and I met about a month ago. I was instantly attracted to her and the more I got to know her the more I wanted to kiss her. A little over two weeks ago I told her how I felt and she said she didn't reciprocate it but refused to say she wasn't attracted to me and refused to say she didn't want to kiss me. She said she was afraid of what it might mean to me and was afraid I would be hurt if we kissed and it turned out I had more powerful feelings than I realized. I didn't really understand this (I don't come off as love sick) - she had been hurt terribly by a woman before she met me so I'm not sure if she's projecting or if she's genuinely concerned I'll be hurt by her.

 

Anyway - I went in for the kiss a few times that night and she would turn her head and laugh or she would pull me in as if she was going to kiss me and then backdown. After this I saw her in to work the next day - I can come off as arrogant I guess you could say but I asked her if she thought I was going to give up - she laughed and said she knew me too well to think that. We've had a very playful relationship after that but it's mostly one sided on my end.

 

Since then she comes back to my house almost every night once we get off our 12 hr shift (we work 6 days a week together 12+ hours a day - yikes) and she will always stay until 4 or 5 in the morning but never spend the night.

 

 

OK but this is where I need help - we went to the beach after work yesterday and this sounds almost like a silly movie but here's how it happened:

we got to the beach at around 12 am - there was a thunderstorm in the background but the lightning was so far away we didn't worry about it. She was talking about a past relationship - and somehow got on the topic of my wanting to kiss her - I'll try to reilliterate it,

 

N: "I still don't understand how you could want to kiss me."

ME: "Why?"

N: "Because if I were you and you were me I wouldn't want to kiss me."

 

I WISH I could remember more of it but it's so fuzzy to me after this conversation because I swung my leg over her and got on my knees over her legs (she was sitting in the sand with her legs forward leaning back on her hands) I leaned in and ask her if she was going to turn her head - she just laughed and asked me if she should just get it over with haha. So I kissed her - she kissed back but it was short. We kissed again right afterward but it started to pour rain and the lightning was extremely close so we got up and drove back to her house.

 

At her house I grinned at her and asked her to kiss me again. She laughed but then looked sad and said she didn't think so. I made fun of her for giving in and kissing me a few more times but she seemed a little stressed about it. She was also surprised that after the kiss I didn't want to just go home because she thought I would lose interest in spending time with her.

 

I have work in two and a half hours with her and I don't know what to say or do. I want to be with her romantically - should I pursue it or back off? She was so adamantly against kissing me and I'm having a hard time reading between the lines about how I should take anything that's happened between us.

 

I'M SO CONFUSED - If anyone can make even a little sense of this, please help me out.

[waveseer]

Sounds to me like she's once bitten twice shy. She's afraid to be hurt again.

[pappp]

It sounds like she might be scared. The exchange you described makes me wonder if maybe she is insecure. Maybe she needs reassurance.

Looks like she may give in when you push her a bit, so if you pursue this way you might go further...

Good luck!