pregnant

[faraway land]

hi guys

I just wanted to vent out I guess. I am 35 w pregnant and my partner moved out 7 weeks ago. I am having so many up and downs emotionally. There is nothing really I can do to occupy my mind I stopped working just before breakup and deffered the uni for a year. ( sorry for my english it is second language) I bought o many books to read but i have concentration problem , my mind in wondering around so easly.

 

I have a teenager son , he is really being good last 7 weeks to help me. i waited for this baby so long , my husband passed away when my son was2.5 years old. we were planning to have second child that time but never happened. now after 11 years after my partial historactmy I become pregnat it was very hard decision but we decided to keep the baby with my partner. during that time he is been diagnosed with PTSD and started depression medication.

 

anyway Just I wanted to vent out I never ever thought that I would become a single mother again while father is alive. he is giving me very mixed signals , oneday he is cold next day he is lovely . he moved one hour away from home and changed his job. he comes around every 2. weekend to help me with garden or other heavy stuff I can't do anymore.

 

I don't know what to do move on (it is hard with this hormones playing up and down I am finacially independent I have my own house and income I don't need him in that area but emotionally I am feeling like a mess big mess. normal movies songs makes me cry recently , it annoys me alot being like that.

my first pregnancy was such a happy event and I was so relaxed with it , with this one full of stress and tears , it suppose to be happy event celebrating an arrival of new life.

 

anyway this is my situation and I know there are more complicated situations than mine with other people but I guess it is hurting me alot at this point , I know when I have my new son in 5-6 weeks time I will feel much better butI believe men needs to be more sensitive during pregnancy.

 

thanks listening guys.

XX

[DN]

Why did he move out?

[dancing_magpie]

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. It's no wonder that you're all over over the place emotionally.

 

I realise it's very easy for me to say this as I'm not the one in your situation but you need to make sure you take care of yourself. It's good that your son can help out but do you have any friends that you can turn to? Sounds like you probably need some company at this time. Don't worry about studying - you can do that later...

 

Why has your partner left?

[faraway land]

since I become pregnant he started to get more distant emotionally. we were living together over 2 years but we always had separate finances , after I becoame pregnant I asked him to join accounts, but he had debt (13 K ), I cleaned all his debt because I wanted this baby to have clean start. after I cleaned all debt first thing he did was buying new TV for his mother by using his credit card with out even talking to me. I did get so mad. I was coming out my depression medication that time because of pregnancy my manager was giving me hard time because I was sick most of the time my blood pressure was going up and down most of the days and my sisters were giving me grief because of the pregnancy. I asked him that if he can be patient with me next couple of months , my plate was too full.

 

when I asked him how he can use his credit card again while I just cleaned it he said I am controlling him and I am trying to stop him having anything to do with his family. (me and my husband we bought a car for his parents because we were able to do so.) my partner is not able to afford buying TV for his mother. but he likes to look like he can afford.( he already owed me 16.5 K before 13 K )

 

he treatened me to move out but I asked him to stay until this baby born. he said yes . later that week I heard that he did taked with his ex wife about our problems , I was so hurt with it. they hate each other normally. I asked him to move out and he did it. same day same hour.

 

I guess end of the day I asked him to move out. thats all but he is a medical person he suppose to be more aware about my emotional up and downs than any other person.

 

now he comes around time to time each visit is differnt one day he is so eager to fix thinks next day he doesn't know. I can't go to NC at this point his help i making my life bit easier.

 

I do have friends and family ( not many) but I am sick of talking to them same thing again and again. everyone thinks I should be over now and should be the strong person.

I don't want to feel negative about him I know it is gonna effect my baby's emotional development. but I am sick of being one step forward one step back wards.

 

I know I should be more strong and emotionally more balance at this age (43) but I am not I guess.

[DN]

Have you asked him to move back and fix the relationship?

 

I do get that he does seem somewhat unstable financially but this is something that could be worked out.

 

But although it is understandable that you have mood swings it can be incredibly difficult to live with someone who has them - and if you asked him to move out I don't think you can blame him for complying.

[faraway land]

thanks for the input. I asked him to move back but he can't at this point he rented the place for 1 year and he cares about what people going to think. he even did not tell to his work we are expecting a baby and he doesn't want anyone to know. he was going to move out anyway after our baby born I asked him to move out immediately.

pregnancy brings mood swing naturally I am sorry but this is his second child he knows that. when he was having mood swings end of last year with depression and PTSD I have been ther for him I said to him each time he gave me grief that it is his depression who is talking not his real personality. now he is on medication ( I took him 3 diffirent doctor until we found the right one ) and he is bit more stable.

 

relationships are not for only good days they are for bad days also. with first difficulty we can't runaway. the good relationship takes lots of effort , comprimise and love. we need to give our best shot first and then give up on it.

 

there is 20 years of army experince with him and he is unable to express his feeling. he shuts himself to the world so easly last week first tim he expressed himself openly how he is incaple of feeling emotional pain or happiness. he said that there is no one (even his own child ) he loves or feels that way most of his relationship with his family based on obligation. his mother had an heart attack 2 m ago he said he didn't feel anything. he went to pshycologist (veteran affairs one) but he wasn't able to open his heart and it did finished without any change.

 

I am the only person he can open himself up even he confuses me alot. I am studying socialwork past half way. i am trying to help him because I can reach him more deeper level than any other person can . we are good friends and I want him to get better for this baby.

[Ms Darcy]

Sweetheart, why did you loan him 16k dollars?

[faraway land]

he bought a caravan he didn't had the finance to buy . he payed all debt to me since we break up. he did get a bank loan. I never thought he wouldn't.he is a good guy just emotionally mixed up. he is going this weekend to a spiritual healer I am hoping that it can be helpful for him.

[capilot]

Holy cow. That guy is a leach. Stop giving him money. The $30,000 you've given him already would have paid for an assistant to move in with you who would have been far more supportive than he's been.