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Long post I feel bad already!


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I'm getting a funny feeling a girl a work likes me?


Which is weird because I didn't really think we could be a couple, I'm a junior doctor on the wards, and this is my first year. I'm quiet and unassuming, I get to work early, I get my job done, I don't mind others' business, I try to keep a clear head and react quickly during emergencies, I value my colleagues' opinions, and I get on well with mostly everyone. But my self-esteem has been in the trophs lately, mostly because I'm overworked, I'm out of shape because I'm rotating on the general medical ward and I don't even see the sun coming into work or leaving work. It's winter and I try not looking into the mirror too much because I've clearly had better days. Silver lining is that the junior years are supposed to be tough, and professionally I'm gaining in confidence just because I'm always in the hospital lol.


So this nurse on the ward is a little cute. She's a wee bit taller than me and she looks like a cool person. I like the way she is the only one wearing skaties and baggy uniform. Like, I wished I could. She frowns and rolls her eyes with a half smile when she's nervous, which makes her look goofy. She's very good - like, if a patient is septic with blood pressure in the dumps, she'll chase me up about whether to check a glucose. But then she'd smile as if saying, "Oh, what do I know". She's just easy going. Relaxed, which is something I value because healthcare is a stressful job, and it's not hard to differentiate people who lose their cool in stressful times, versus someone who can still be relaxed and think.


So like, I mean, I've been working on the ward for about 2 months and we hadn't talked that much with each other, except I make a point to greet people by names. So she knows my name and I her. Then one day we just sat down having a chat, and she talked about hoping to discharge the patients who require heaving lifting. And I was like, "Yeah they are heavy, and you only need to be looking after 2-3 of those patients and the whole shift becames really tough", and she was like, "Yeah I know..." and I think we made a connection. After that she'd smile when she walked past, genuine eye contact.


I didn't really think much of it until yesterday, when our team was on call. And being on call here is nuts. You're cross-covering, you're admitting a patient in septic shock needing stabilisation, another in the ICU with VTach after bowel surgery because he's just had a massive heart attack. You've got two cardiac admissions to see in the coronary care, both coming in with chest pain needing work ups. Plus you've still got paper work to do for the other team you're asked to cross cover. So she was looking after the really sick elderly man with septic shock. I'd be in the ICU listening to consultants discussing whether to cardiovert the VTach, when she'd be calling me about the patient's blood pressure in the 60s. "Stat 500mL push, verbal order" "Stat 1L push, verbal order". She checked the patient's blood sugar for me and it was just about 0. "Stat 10mL 50% dex, verbal order, switch to Dex 4 saline when his blood pressure's maintained above 110, stat methylpred with q8h maintenance." Then we went down to see the patient, she set up the indwelling urinary catheter kit for me so I could insert it and get a urinary output. She helped holding the patient's arm whilst I did the blood gas. I mean, basically this patient was just about dead, and we kept him alive with some very generous fluid resuscitation. He eventually needed transfer to a tertiary centre because he developed haematological failure secondary to his severe lung infection, with a platelet count of 5. But we did well for him - he regained consciousness, was eating and drinking, still looked a bit flushed, unsurprisingly due to his pneumonia and sepsis, but we got his adrenals under control, sugars under control, blood pressure under control. He left our hospital in pretty good nick.


And it's weird cos we got on pretty well doing all this stuff. Like, by the end of the shift both of us were a little embarrased cos she'd sit next to me in the care station and lean in close to get stuff. And there's this physical connection that I don't think neither of us anticipated. Like, "Woah a little too close". Like, I'm good at judging socially comfortable distances and she was closing in a couple of times. And coming to the end of my 17hr shift I was like, whatever man I'm nuts and I just want to go home and sleep.


But today she smiled and we had a good chat - mostly about work cos I don't even know her that well. Like, 1. I don't know if she likes me, 2. I don't konw if she has a bf, 3. I just didnt' even anticipate this would happen, and 4. I didn't think I'd write about this for an hour when I need to catch some rest already.


I must be nuts. I'm off to bed.

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haha its ok lets things flow like they are. have a few chats here and there eventually bringing up about going out for coffee or something. take it very slow. you seem interested but you also seem tired as well get plenty of rest and take care of yourself. how are you going to help others if you cant help yourself?

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