Is it just something girls say?

[ksh1255]

My wife and I are separating, after only 2 years of marriage. However when I first ever talked to her on the phone, she was talking about her recent breakup, how her ex sucked in bed, drank too much etc..

 

Well, I go by a girls reaction, not necessarily what she says. I could tell when we first started sleeping together, that her ex left alot to be desired there. Her reaction told me everything I needed to know. I have heard every compliment under the sun from her, including I was the best sex she ever had.

 

Over time, her ex started working with me, we all became friends, he came to our wedding etc..and in this time, she still never changed her story about how he sucked. Well, we had a splitup one time where she went sleeping with another dude. Her ex was in the picture then too, but as far as I know only with a crowd, never alone. So, I didn't feel threatened by him at all. Well she then tried to take a personal shot at me, even admitting the sex was great in the conversation, which made no sense.

 

Since getting back together, I know of atleast 3 times she ragged him in bed....but once we separated, I have a good feeling something is going on between them two again. Not only that, when she moved she left something at my house trying to once again take a shot at me, knowing good and well there was nothing wrong with our sex when we had it. Problem being, the last 6 months, it only happened 4 times. Each time, she would always be into it telling me how great it was, but when it was over it was over. It did not help our marriage.

 

I guess what bothers me is feeling that I KNOW our sex was better than the sex with her ex, I mean they were together 8 months, and had it 1 time in the last 5 months. But, I have a feeling they are probably sleeping together again, when sex was obviously a big issue with us. I guess with the personal shot she tried to take, and running back and hooking up with someone she said sucked in bed, is a slap to the self esteem. I don't buy into anything said since we have been back together, as I feel now that I was used only to put her thru school. But, the first time we got together, there was no reason for it all to be fake. I understand she could have just been pissed at her ex when she said that then, but there was no reason to keep on saying it throughout our marriage when we all got along.

[Esteller]

so you guys are currently together now?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think the fact that all she seems to talk about is the sexual negatives of an ex is a big red flag about the kind of person she is. She sounds very shallow and one dimensional. If she is now banging her ex and others then that is her problem. Be grateful things ended with this witch.

[ksh1255]

No we separated two weeks ago, I feel she is running with her ex right now. She has alot of issues honestly, and I don't even know why I let it get to me. I came into this relationship very confident in my sex, because previous females had built me up that way. You can count on one hand how many times my wife never reached climax. I will say she wasn't a multiple climax girl for the most part. It only seemed to happen the first 3 or 4 times we ever got together, then it faded out. She claimed when we first got together, that alot of times she wouldn't even have one, much less two. However, she has never said otherwise, but the way she has phrased things, and well, just how easy it is for me to make her climax....I have a hard time believing that.

 

Of course over time the sex became routine with school, work, kids etc..and it reached a point where I did not try to give her more than one, she wanted to get hers, then I get mine. She once stated she was a "results" kinda girl, she didn't need sex for an hour. Of course, I believe when this was said was when things were starting to fall apart anyway.

[Esteller]

oh ok well dont let your pride think your not good in bed. this lady has problems you know and if you havent realize that then realize it. there other woman that could play more of an important role in your life then play games you know.

[ksh1255]

oh ok well dont let your pride think your not good in bed. this lady has problems you know and if you havent realize that then realize it. there other woman that could play more of an important role in your life then play games you know.

 

Yeah well, I just feel she is now talking trash about me, when it was highly obvious what she thought when we first got together. I think the only reason she took shots either way was because the first time we were taking shots at each other like 3 yrs ago.

 

This time, I didn't take shots, but she noticed all the toys and lingerie was gone, so she did what she did out of anger. But, still a shot to the pride.

[Esteller]

yea i see. well you seem like you r a better person not taking shots back. its ok to me you seem like a better person and you can find better. even if she is talking crap about you who cares? is it going to make you a better person? it just shows how weak she really is and that shows you that you just deserve better. what are you going to do now?

[ksh1255]

I would love to just write her off completely, but its not possible as we have a child together. She has a track record of "catch and release"...but I always thought I was different. Even with her ex's, she slept with one once in 5 months, another 2 times in 6 months, her ex husband (they were married like two months) said the sex stopped with them in that short of time. So, it wasn't just about me.

 

I took her back which was alot of forgiving and forgetting, plus I was lied to about some stuff. But we ended up getting married, and I put her thru school, took care of her son as he received no child support, even gave her my car because hers was repo'd. I poured it all into my family, even went bankrupt doing all of this so she could focus on school and not work. In the end, this is what I get. I just had alot of plans for our future, ones to make the best life possible for my wife and children.

[Esteller]

ohh yea you lost alot i see but now its about your child and you. if it was me i wouldnt want my child knowing what his mom does i mean i would eventually tell the child but i would like to make sure my child grows up learning. its time to work for yourself now and your child. but i dont know the who situation about who gets the child or not. we always end up finding someone better some how even though we dont want to it just how it happens.

[ksh1255]

Yeah, I am trying to focus more on myself than her. I don't want to waste time worrying about who she is with, what she's doing etc...but when a woman takes vows to be your wife, and you treat her and love her like a husband should, I guess that's what happens. I mean intimacy was our biggest issue at the end, because it died. When it first happened she cried saying she wanted to be with me forever etc thinking I was leaving her. Turns out, it drove her away. Not that she didn't think it was great when it happened....she had just been telling me for months something was missing, she didn't love me anymore, she wasn't attracted to me etc. Hard thing to swallow from the girl who put all the moves on you. Not to mention, she has a beautiful exterior..typical hot chick with breasts implants. Not going to lie, it made a husband feel good.

 

But, inside that frame, there are alot of issues going on. The last thing I want, is my daughter growing up to model herself after her, or my wifes mother.

[Esteller]

yea that i never do understand. so before i ever get married i want to make sure the timing is right you know. i want to make sure we both are absolutly ready. but things happen and we cant control them. sometimes it sucks to be human with all these damn emotions and crap. but i mean it works both ways. thats good thought try and think less of it and keep busy. it helps in the long run and who knows you might run into someone better. it usually happens when your not looking soo.

[ksh1255]

Haha yeah I remember having the same conversation with my wife about how it usually happens when you least expect it. I also remember her telling me how I would make a great husband one day, and that my ex would regret us ever splitting, and that she was a firm believer in Karma. Then, she does all this to me.

[Esteller]

Haha yeah I remember having the same conversation with my wife about how it usually happens when you least expect it. I also remember her telling me how I would make a great husband one day, and that my ex would regret us ever splitting, and that she was a firm believer in Karma. Then, she does all this to me.

 

to me right there seems like she hasnt got over him and is trying to get at him or something. but you remember this or thinking it isnt helping either lol but you already at a point where you know what you got to do.

[ksh1255]

No no, she said that about my ex, not hers. We did hang with her ex some during the first year of our marriage. I was like a mentor to him, tried to help him out. He is like 8 yrs younger than me, 3 yrs younger than her. But, she always called his mom "ma", which alot of that crowd does. It was still weird to me though.

 

I will say in our whole time of marriage, he said some things that made me ask her whats he talking about, but he never said anything out of line to her. He showed respect. I will say there was a party about a month before we split up. I was talking to him one minute, then I noticed I couldnt find her or him for about 15 mins or so. I found them sitting in a dark corner with his sister talking, in which where they were, they could probably see me, but I couldn't see them. But, when I walked over there, all he said was she told him that he wasnt me, and he said I told her but im doing the best I can. So, to me it didnt sound like it could be bad against me really. Of course she swears she doesn't know what he meant, that he was drunk which he was. Who knows.

 

I did see a conversation between my wife and her ex's sister....in which the girl asked her if she was "still going to try and get out or stay and make it work"...she said thats not what they were talking about at the party though, and that her and the girl were talking, when her ex come up and sat down with them. I don't know what to believe these days. The last month had been alot better going into that party. We had had the perfect day together, which my wife kept saying. So, I don't know why she would show up there and start talking about leaving me.

[Esteller]

oh ok. yea who knows honestly. times can be tough man i know you know everyone on this website knows. best thing to do move on like you said stop worrying about what she is doing and where she is just going to make you wonder even more.

[ksh1255]

That was the only question I have asked her too, was when it was that she first mentioned leaving me to her, and she would not answer it. Because based off the conversation, the girl obviously didn't know the story about our problems because my wife was telling her about it. So, I figured it was at the party in which she said "nope" too, which was really not the most believable answer.

 

It was just odd because we had just got to that party, and the last month had been going really good. We had plans to go home afterwards and have some fun. I was even giving her some foreplay in the car on the way there, which was really her idea. She then told me later she wasn't aroused by it, and the only reason she asked me to do that was because I was pouting when she asked me to stop. That was not the truth at all. The night ended bad, and we really had a bad argument the next morning over how I was so disrespected....and if the conversation was about her leaving, I gave her the chance then. But, it was "you know i love you, im sorry, it wont ever happen again I will quit drinking etc"

 

A complete mindscrew.

[ksh1255]

I also would like to point out, that all this about her and her ex is merely speculation now. I have no proof, nor have I heard this. I just know how they both get when they drink, a little touchy, but considering they had sex once n 5 months, it may have really been that bad to her lol. I just know his sister is who helped her move, and who she was confiding in about leaving me etc.

 

I caught her talking very sexually graphic details to another guy she was in nursing school with, which is why I told her she could have her divorce. Then the next night, she had some dude in pictures with her from a bar in Miami where she was visiting, and had a Miami number texting her at 5:30 and 5:45 in the morning. So, I do not blame the ex for the separation.

[Esteller]

dang wow yea red flags all over man. it sucks too cause we know its red flags but when we love someone it blinds us. but you seem like you getting out of it. i been through some twisted crap as well but i some how got over it.

[ksh1255]

I have my days man. I mean I know this girl at one time loved her ex (if she even knows what love means)...but they stayed together, and he had took out loans for her etc...but she says they never spoke of marriage. She did all this, and at the end had a restraining order on him, and was talking about how bad he was in bed. At first I didn't really think much of it, except for the fact they had sex 1 time in 5 months, in which she tried changing that story to 1 time in 3 months, but I had already spoke to him and he agreed with what she said. Not that it matters, either one is just about as bad when you're not married, have no children etc. Just funny how she got him to cosign for her implants, and was going to stick him with the bill. But, I took it over eventually, and am stuck with it now.

[lavenderdove]

This doesn't sound like a sex problem, it sounds like a maturity problem. She has the attention span of a gnat and jumps from guy to guy and thing to thing whenever it gets routine or too familiar, which everything including sex does over time with any one person.

 

So she gets her stimulation by jumping to the next person or ping ponging between people. And rewrites history as she goes along to justify her behavior (i.e., sex with him was awful when she doesn't want him, sex with him is great when she does).

 

So i wouldn't focus on the 'sex' aspect of the breakup at all since she has shown herself to be volatile and hopping from guy to guy and thing to thing. It is about her need for constant variety/stimulation that killed your marriage and explains her choices.

[ksh1255]

Well I spoke briefly with her, in which she tried to tell me that the only personal shot she tried to take was the lingerie she left. But, that's not true. She said I took everything else personal, in which I told her, if there was one thing we had that was real, it was the sex - but she lost interest in me no matter how great it was, and then felt like she was unhappy and didn't love me. That's not love. Even when things were not great, if we had sex she would be all about it, and so close to me that night. But, day to day life didn't change.

 

Matter of fact, she brought up sex one night, in which I decided to watch a movie and cuddle with her. So, she said we will do it the next night. Next night rolled around, we both did our showering beforehand, everything was fine. I decided instead of being routine I would give her a massage since she always likes them, and falls asleep alot of times with me rubbing her back. The moment we literally got into the bedroom, she went from fine to like she could care less. What was intended as a full body massage, ended up me just massaging her back for about 15 minutes. She was like a log. Eventually it just went awkward, and nothing happened. I didn't try anything sexual. She then says she felt like I was trying to get her in the mood....ah yeah, that was the whole reason we took showers at 11 at night, to have sex....i just dont get it.

[shygal2008]

Sorry she sounds like a mess..you and your child are better off..she was married for only two months? Hmmm that would have been another RED FLAG