Jump to content

my boyfriends past kills me


Recommended Posts

I have been in a relationship for a little over a year now and i am pregnant with our daughter that is due in septemeber. i am completely in love with my boyfriend and he says he loves me but sometimes its hard to believe him....


when me and him first started seeing each other it was just for sex. nothing more. then i got feelings for him and tried so hard to make a relationship out of what we had going on. i told him so many times that i had feelings for him and time and time again he told me to forget about it. but i couldnt... i continued to see him whenever he would call for sex. but it stopped being about sex for me and it was just a reason for me to see him.


well a few months after we started hooking up we finally ended up together. we spent every single day and night together. we started hooking up in july and by october i was living with him.


I told him that i loved him in september and by the time we were living together he had told me he loved me too.


well i cant get over his ex... i never looked thru his phone, or facebook or anything when we ended up in the relationship. but one day in november he left his facebook up and i clicked in his inbox and saw he had been talking to his ex girlfriend of 5 years who he lived with. his first love. he told her how she owuld always be the one who got away and how he smiles anytime that he hears her name. and she will always have a place in his heart.


i couldnt even look at him for months with out thinking about that. for weeks i didnt have sex with him and everytime he kissed me i was disgusted cuz i thought about his lips on hers.


ever since then i have obbsessed over their relationship. i look at her facebook from time to time just to see what she is doing and if there is any chance of them seeing each other or anything. i make myself sick thinking about the two of them.


i have images in my head when me and him have sex of him doing the things to her that he does to me. i dont know what to do and if i will ever get over her. i pasionatly hate this girl, and sometimes resent him because of it.


i have even told him that i dont want to be with him becuase im not her and i cant be her. that i could never compare to his first love. he tells me time and time again that the messages he sent to her were to only make her feel better about herself becuase she was depressed. but i think thats bull * * * * .


now, i have become so obsessed over his past that not only is it her that bothers me but its every relationship he has had before me.


how do i get the images of my soon to be husband and daughters father having sex out of my head? will this relationship even last? please helppp

Link to comment
he tells me time and time again that the messages he sent to her were to only make her feel better about herself becuase she was depressed. but i think thats bull * * * * .


You are correct. That's all that is. If I were you, I'd get out now. He has shown he is dishonest and untrustworthy. You may be pregnant with his child, but that doesn't mean you also have to tie yourself down to him in marriage. That would be the worst thing you could do. All that you are feeling, coupled with his dishonesty and shady behavior, would soon turn the marriage into a nightmare. You don't want that for your daughter. Don't settle. You will be sorry you did.

Link to comment
I would not marry a man who you know is telling another woman that she is the one who got away.



i agree its messed up but my bf is in this situation he cant get over the partners ive had...becuz yes at first we were just friends and i talked bout all the experiences id had in the past he would ask...so i would tell then all of a sudden now that weve gone to a relationship all he can talk bout is the past weiners ive had. comparing himself to them like its the thing to do...the only way you can get over your bf/fiances past is to let it go...knowing hes with you and your carrying his child could make things better and you to not think bout it or it could tear you apart i suggest not getting married til you know your over his past. and definitely think bout the whole saying shes the one that got away cuz thats a load of crap

Link to comment

I would suggest you to get out of the relationship if this is going on. He should be worried about how to make you feel good and not her. You are about to have his baby and you and the baby is all he should be concerned about. I found out late in the game that my husband was communicating with his exes - plural - on facebook and the only person he would not add was me. He said he wanted to keep some things separate. Well what your boyfriend and he is doing is bull *#$t. You need to think about what is best for you and your daughter. Do you want her to grow up and think that it is ok for the men in her life to have continued relations with their girlfriends? Keep in mind if he keeps the past alive with her you two will have no future.


I hope you are able to stay strong.



Link to comment

thank you all for the responses.


since those messages he sent her as far as i know he has had NO contact with her. i dont think that he would lie to me. but i cant get over that he said that to her.


him and her use to live together at his brothers house a few years ago. his brother no longer lives there and we have gone there a few times to help clean the place out. i had to go outside becuase i could picture him having sex with her in that house. (we were in the room that was theirs)


im scared to death that maybe one day he might want her back... i have confronted him about it and he says he wants nothing to do with her...


i love him more than anything in this world and i know that he will be the best father to our daughter. but there are times that i feel so didtant from him and thats mostly when i think of him and her.


how could i ever compare to his first love... how could he ever love me like he loved her... am i having false hope in me and him? do you think we will fail? do you think he will go back to her?


i love him... im so scared

Link to comment

The first woman I feel for didn’t feel the same way. The pain of rejection was almost to much for me. I thought the pain I felt would kill me. Months went by with no decrease in emotional pain. I cried myself to sleep every night.


Many years on and I don’t even think about her. She wasn’t the right person for me. I couldn’t see that then but I see that now.


It’s certainly possible for you to mean far more to him than his first partner. He wont ever forget her and may still care about her but that doesn’t have to take away anything from your relationship.


A have to agree with others on his behaviour though. He should not be contacting his ex without letting you know. And telling her she was the one that got away! That’s kinda scary. He could have said nice things to her (since she is depressed) without saying that.


I honestly don’t know what to recommend except to say that partners that are truly committed to a relationship will exhibit certain behaviour. Little things he does could be all the insight you need as to whether is committed to your relationship.


Saying what he did to his ex is a bad sign…


Hope things work out for you. Don’t be afraid to put the relationship on hold. Would be interesting to see what this guy would do if single again…


Big hug

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...