We're both shy!

[spicegirl]

 

 

Him: 30 years old, Lives alone, hasn't had a gf in 5 years, barely goes out, gets nervous around pretty girls, turns red when they approach him, gets really loud when approaching them to prove he's confident / not shy. Has a few close friends.

 

Her: Generally shy around everyone the same. Goes out like the average 26 year old girl, has no really close friends but has lots of friends to hang out with. Low self esteem so generally avoids people for fear she will look bad / needy / desperate or stupid.

 

The story: Well both guy and girl were attracted to each other, managed to go out on a few dates. These dates were all made by the guy in advance, 2 of the dates were initiated by the girl after the first 3 dates. So about 7 dates altogether. Perfect chemistry together. No awkward silences. Hit it off great.

 

Then suddenly, no contact. We always kinda avoided each other at school where we met. Or at least, she would smile and shyly say hi and he'd raise his eyebrows and say 'well hi there' really really loud.

 

Well I'm the girl and it's been 3 months since last date and I miss this guy. We've been totally NC for a month. I've always been told the guy needs to do the initiating, but I know how shy he is even though he pretends he's not. We've always been pretending we don't really like each other because we don't want to seem like desperate creeps or whatever.

 

So I'll swallow my pride and text him, I just don;t know what to say that's flirty and cute but not too over the top and desperate. I don't want to talk about my feelings yet. I just want to start talking again so we can hang out a bit and become closer...

[Alabama]

I suggest act casual. Just say "hi" "what's up" etc. in your text. Just to see how things are going with him. Since it has been 3 months since your last date, it's just best to see what is up with him. See if he is still interested.

[oldenoughtoknow]

Just a suggestion, but I've found it to be effective to pique a person's interest. Start out with something like "I'm sorry." Really short and a bit off the wall. He will have to respond to that and ask "What are you sorry about?" Continue with short answers. "Well, I'm sorry for what I did." "What did you do?" "I'm not sure." "No idea?" "I must have done something." "Why do you think that?" Etc. Take a long time to respond to his questions. This will drive him a bit crazy and really make him want to find out what's going on. Your initial apology will make you come accross as calm and demure...and enticing. Your indirect answers will inadvertently lure him back in a pursuit position. After this goes back and forth for a while (don't let it drag on too long), ask him to see you to talk about it. When you meet, act normal and upbeat. Have fun together. The key here is to reestablish that spark.

 

If he starts to get frustrated and pushes you for an answer at any point, your answer is "because you stopped seeing me." The key is to get your connection and spark back. That will only happen when you're face to face.