When do you know you are ready to meet someone?

[Shineon]

I'm a single mom of 3 great kids. The man I've been "seeing" for years recently broke up with me - again. He is a habitual dumper. Here's the thing: yea, he was 11 years younger than me and totally intimidated by my being a mom. When we first started going out, I felt confident and proud - after being with this guy, (he was emotionally/verbally abusive) I feel old and unsure. Part of me thinks that I should "look" for someone else - but a huge part of me is just afraid.

 

And I don't want to be mean here, but I look good still and many men "my age" have let themselves go. Tbh, some look like my dad! then there are the nice-looking fit guys my age and what do they want? A young chick. The younger men are put off by my having children or the age difference.

 

Part of me is giving up. Maybe I should just accept my singleness and forget about finding love? I dont know ...

[Mauxly]

I am having really good luck on link removed. Was really against the whole online dating thing, but it has been a happy surprise.

[Esteller]

dont sweat it. if you feel good and think you look good thats what matter im sure in time you will meet someone that will love you for who you are flaws and all. do what your guts says. it keeps you out of trouble.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

He just dumped you on Sunday! How about if you put dating on hold for quite a while until you can sort yourself out..regain your self-esteem and your sense of self. Just enjoy your time with your children.

[Mauxly]

He just dumped you on Sunday! How about if you put dating on hold for quite a while until you can sort yourself out..regain your self-esteem and your sense of self. Just enjoy your time with your children.

 

Actually I agree with this. Way too soon for you to think about dating. You'll wind up with drama unless you take some time to heal and recover. Your kids need you to be sane right now.

[LostLeo42]

My brother is 46, in really awesome shape - he runs marathons, and very good looking. He is a little quirky, not a lot of money. But anyway, I just set him up with a 51 year old single woman that I work with (not on purpose, but that is another story). Anyway that are getting along great. Not all guys that are in shape want young chicks.

[annie24]

i agree, take some time to recover, and then go back out there on the dating scene. but give yourself a bit of time to heal.

[dont bore me]

Im 50 and work out all the time,fit,was with a younger woman,till early this year.but always am looking at nice fit girls around my age,im not hung up on the age thing.go get girl,good luck

[oldenoughtoknow]

Maybe I should just accept my singleness and forget about finding love?

 

Put those qualifiers out of your head and simply accept yourself. Don't put yourself down and resign yourself to a life of being single (and therefore unhappy). Those thought patterns will only help you create your own destiny. Make a great, happy life for yourself. Then, stand back and watch what happens...it's infectious.

 

Whatever you do, don't give that tool another chance. You said he is emotionally and verbally abusive, and a habitual dumper. Taking him back will only waste more time and prolong the inevitable. You deserve much better. And there are many normal, attractive guys in your age range who enjoy the company of women their own age and are accepting of children. I am one of them. Forget anything that house ape ever told you. Change your assumptions and change your focus. Open your eyes to the world of possibilities for you out there. Make your life what you want and deserve. It will only happen if you believe it will.

[Shineon]

Thank you all for the feedback everyone. You are right, it is way too soon. I'm still really depressed over what's been going on. The reason I even considered looking for someone is because my therapist actually recommended it! He wants me to get my mind away from the Ex as soon as possible - I know he meant well. I'm not ready. I really dont feel like my real self yet. Been through too much. thanks again.

[psychoanalytical]

Well, Shineon, statistics say you're more likely to be killed by a terrorist attack than meeting someone after 40. I hope that is not true. I appreciate your honesty in your note. It's not easy to approach this subject and like you said, older men are either out of shape, or chasing after younger girls whilst working their osteoarthritic joints until they grind into dust. Younger guys are tougher, unless you have cougar looks. But then that boxes you ino this seductively desperate woman stereotype.

 

So whilst a part of you is still hopefully, and god bless that we can have at least hope when nothingelse is left, the other is eating away inside. Does being single means lonely? Am I happy? Big questions.

 

But I think to answer your question, when do you know you are ready to meet someone. I would say, when you are physically ready, and when your mind is in a good place. Get your fitness back - man this changes your whole perspective, you would be walking down the street to do grossaries and you'd feel like you're on the prowl. Talk to your family - are your children happy about you being ready? Do you have their support? mention it to your close friends. Excel at your job. It was Jane Austin who opened Pride and Prejudice with the opening sentence, "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." Same applies to women these days. And I must add, man, when I am doing well in my job (junior medical), the nurses just look that little bit more sexy.

 

So I don't think you can talk yourself into being ready. You just have to be ready, and to do that you may need to work out a few crinks. It's a bit like the eccentric gentlemen in the Victorian era, and I am thinking Phileas Fogg from Around the World in 80 Days byJules Verne. He was the sort of man who talk little, and did more than most. And uh, he usually got what he wanted.

[Shineon]

Psychoanalytical, you are funny - I do believe that it gets more difficult to meet someone we really connect with after we get some age on us. My brother and I were just talking about this last night. He made a comment that women in his age range (he just turned 40) usually "come with" extras to a relationship - divorces, kids etc. or they've never married and are ready to get married and/or in a hurry to have some kids.

 

For me, I know I need to wait mostly because I really am not sure what I want. I do not think I want to be married any time soon. If my ex had been a nice guy, what we had would have been a good "fit" for me - maybe that is one reason why I stayed so long.

 

My kids are only interested in Mom finding a nice guy to hang out with. They are in no hurry for a step-father and I dont blame them. I think I need to give myself a break right now ... I am depressed over the final close of this relationship - bad or not. I would like to take some time to concentrate on making myself happy - instead of everyone else. It's not always easy to do that. I have a big heart

[bruinsy81]

Thank you all for the feedback everyone. You are right, it is way too soon. I'm still really depressed over what's been going on. The reason I even considered looking for someone is because my therapist actually recommended it! He wants me to get my mind away from the Ex as soon as possible - I know he meant well. I'm not ready. I really dont feel like my real self yet. Been through too much. thanks again.

It's not a question of time but it's a question of your emotional state.If you feel you still are not over him emotionally/mentally then don't pursue another relationship.If you happen to feel great next week then what's stopping you from pursuing a relationship?Absolutely nothing.