GF wants to move in

[leemi1982]

Hi I'm 27 yrs old my GF is 25 we live about 30 minutes away from each other we've been going out together for just over a year. Early on in the relationship we nearly broke up a couple of times in the very early days but we feel alot stronger together now and both are very much in love with each other.

 

However one conflict we seem to have is living apart from each other personally I'm happy with the way things are at the moment I live 20 minutes from work have great friends and family around me where I live, a good social life, However now she wants to move in with me I don't feel ready for that step yet I feel my house would be to small it is to small for her and her dogs to move into, I work nights to so when I'm sleeping in the day means she would have to be so quiet, she wouldn't have a great social life around here because she doesn't know anyone or even like the area infact hates the area which makes me think it wouldn't work... she has also tried to get me to sell my house and move else where more near her parents which I would probably consider later on even though it would extend my drive to work. I've only had my house 3 yrs and would probably be in negative equity as house prices have fallen around me, its totally unrealisitic to sell but getting her to understand this

We wouldn't have the money to move else where anyhow.

 

I worry if she did move in and things went pear shaped I don't really know the law but what would she be entiled to part of my house? or a beneficial intrest.

[waveseer]

Has she given you any reason not to trust her?

[leemi1982]

I trust her.. but its her step dad I don't trust he's very controlling over her and her mum he would probably try for a financial gain if anything went wrong I feel hes always trying to dig around in my finances he makes me feel very uneasy.

[Tanzi]

If you feel uneasy about moving in with your girlfriend then don't do it. It is obvious that you are not ready and I don't think the outcome would be a positive one if you moved in together at this moment in time. It is less likely to work if you feel you have been pushed into it and feel uncomortable about the situation from the outset.

 

Stand firm. Explain to your girlfriend in no uncertain terms that whilst you love her and see a future together you are simply not ready to take that step yet. If you have a future together then you have all the time in the world to move in together. There really is no need to rush.

 

Incidentally have you told her how you feel about her step-dad?

[Sparkly Eyes]

It's clearly your right to not want to move in and I understand that completely. I think you should have an open and honest talk with her about it. If she really loves you, she will try to work it out in a way that you feel comfortable too.

[Circe]

Depends on your jurisdiction. Where I live de facto rights don't start till u have been living together 2 yrs and even then the answer would be no.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Your gf seems to be falling into the trap then many people these days fall into...assuming that moving in together is "the next step" in pushing a relationship forward. It is not. People used to be a couple quite happily living at separate residences and then moving in together once they got married. Nobody ever thought that it was doom and gloom for the relationship if you didn't move in together first. Your gf is looking at this fantasy romantic notion of moving in together rather than on the practicalities. Do not be pressured just because she feels the peer pressure and wants this whole romantic fantasy. You have legitimate concerns and you are right for wanting to be cautious.

[KG]

Stand firm. If your gut says no, then no. But be nice, explain the reasons to her as you did here.

[Tanzi]

4363841]Your gf seems to be falling into the trap then many people these days fall into...assuming that moving in together is "the next step" in pushing a relationship forward. It is not. People used to be a couple quite happily living at separate residences and then moving in together once they got married. Nobody ever thought that it was doom and gloom for the relationship if you didn't move in together first. Your gf is looking at this fantasy romantic notion of moving in together rather than on the practicalities. Do not be pressured just because she feels the peer pressure and wants this whole romantic fantasy. You have legitimate concerns and you are right for wanting to be cautious.

 

I agree. Too many people move in together too quickly and too easily before really knowing whether they are ready for a life-time commitment. It seems to come with the territory of a relationship now as opposed to that of impending marriage.