Do ihave a right to be angry or should i just let it go?

[Cesca]

i've been with my boyfriend for just under a year now and together we're great, we have little arguments but tbh theyre pretty tame. Apart from each other though, it's not so good 'cause hes terrible with his phone, he takes ages to reply which drives me insane with worry that something awful has happened to him. Ive heard his family around the dinner table complain of this too so i know its not just me. Anyway, yesterday was particularly bad, i didnt hear from him all day, his phone had run out of battery, he didnt bother to charge it or let me know in some other way that he was alright, however when he found my frantic texts and realised how worried id been he called me up and was very upset and apologetic, and said he'll learn from this mistake. its happened before, he always says this. he texted me again this morning apologising, then took 3 and a half hours to reply even though (i know) he was at home the whole time. This is driving me insane, what do i do?! im one of these people who feels Im being rude if i dont reply to texts straight away if i can, i just need an outside opinion, should i be annoyed, or am i overreacting? I realise this might sound quite petty but it really bothers me. thanks, sorry this is so long!

[catfeeder]

You need to pipe down. You're driving yourself insane, not to mention BF. He's an adult, he doesn't need you to be his parent. Some perfectly happy couples go entire days or longer without contact and would find being joined at the device to be suffocating.

 

If you love this guy, don't suffocate him.

[DN]

You need to pipe down. You're driving yourself insane, not to mention BF. He's an adult, he doesn't need you to be his parent. Some perfectly happy couples go entire days or longer without contact and would find being joined at the device to be suffocating.

 

If you love this guy, don't suffocate him.

I agree with this.

 

Remember that when you phone someone you do so when it is convenient for you and at a time of your choosing. Extend the same courtesy to him in returning the call.

[Cesca]

Yeah i realise after rereading this that i sound crazy, but its generally a two way thing, for example, if i've been on a train for a long time and ive had no signal and no way to contact him, ive found messages from him later asking if im ok, telling me to reply etc. I dont find that suffocating, i just feel bad that i made him so worried, and i know he feels the same, it just does my head in that while he knows this he still lets it happen :S

[catfeeder]

You can't control BF's behavior, but you can control your own worrying.

 

Identify one or more positive things that the worry accomplishes for you. Does it make him safer? Does it make him happier? Does it make you safer or happier? Does it create drama? Is there a payoff from the drama? If so, identify the payoff and consider more constructive ways to get what you really want.

 

Hint: trying to control someone else will never ever get you what you want. It's the perfect way to push someone in the opposite direction--as demonstrated by your BF's resistance to being controlled by you.

 

You can't understand why he continues to 'let this happen'? I can. Think.

[Cesca]

Im not trying to control him, i just want to know that he's alright. if i spent a day with my phone switched off and he couldnt get through to me or know whether or not i was alright he'd be worried and pretty annoyed, it works both ways.

 

(I would however like to take out the bit about him taking 3 hours to reply this morning, 'cause tbh im not that bothered about that i was just annoyed at the time. its having the phone switched off and not bothering to let me know hes ok that upsets me.)

[_Asti_]

You said it yourself, its a two way street. Seems like its happened to you before, where you haven't let him know you're alright, regarldess if the phones off or no reception.

 

I must wonder why there's so much panic and frenzy about assuming the worst about the other person.

What happened in the old days when cell phones weren't around, and you couldn't keep tabs on people every minute of every day...people managed just fine.

 

I can go a day or two not knowing my phone is. Do people assume I'm dead? No. They just know I don't have my phone! So assume the same, that he turned it off. I don't go into a panic or frenzy if suddenly my fiance doesn't return a text or call within the next few minutes, or there's no contact for a long period of time.

 

Cell phone is a convenience. If he wants to turn it off, leave it at home, etc..he's fine to do that. I'm questioning why the constant panic of thinking something bad has happened, or needing to know that he's alive every moment of everyday. That train of thought really isn't healthy.

 

I don't think you have a right to be angry. Like I said...a cell phone isn't a tabs monitor. Its something a person chooses to have to make their life more convenient.

But it seems like you don't want to let this go. And I think maybe there may be something a little deeper running here if you're in a constant panic of being unable to reach him.

[amipushy]

Of course he is ok, he's just sitting at home watching TV or getting on with his day etc, like he always does, and like he did before he met you...Nothings changed.

 

In fact the chances that he is going to fall under a train, get involved in a serious crash or drop down dead suddenly of some mysterious illness are practically zero.

 

The need to have him at your fingertips 24/7 is the problem here. I personally couldn't live with being tied with an invisible line to an anxious person. Very smothering indeed.

[Cesca]

i realise its not good to worry so much, i cant help it and i get like this not just about him but to others im close to if i cant get hold of them for a while, i suffer from an anxiety disorder which really doesnt help. As for worrying if he doesnt answer a message within a few minutes, i dont! he has a life and so do i and we get on with them, its if its been hours or over a day i worry, its worse right now cause for the next couple of months we're long distance. this post has really blown everything out of proportion, i was upset when i wrote it, and when i said its happened before i meant like once or twice; its not a big problem in our relationship. anyway he called me earlier and we spoke about this, he understands the worry and thats all that matters, i'll just try all i can to calm myself and not panic next time this happens.