I need some advice, and any is appreciated

[Little lady]

So I've been 'seeing' someone for the past 3 weeks. We met exactly three weeks ago and ever since then we've been inseperable. We've had sex probably 20 times since then and it has been some of the best sex I've ever had.

 

During the July 4th weekend she mentions how in every relationship she has never been faithful which threw in a HUGE RED CARD

 

So since then I've decided to try to not get attached and it's really hard since we have so much in common, the sex is amazing, and we hang out and she bought me a toothbrush for her house.

 

We have plans this weekend to go out of town and stay in a hotel.

Today she brings up how she was asked on a date and doesn't know if she should go or not.

 

I wrote her asking why she didn't know and she said she didn't want to hurt my feelings, I said looking at her track record there is no point in us being together if she wants to see other people anyway and she wrote back

 

here I'll just write down what we've been texting all day

 

her-"mmm I can't wait to * * * * you all weekend"

 

me-"Yum! I love having sex with you. I'm glad you enjoy it."...."and we get to sleep in on Sunday and hang out all day! are you sure you can handle it?"

 

her-"I'm not too sure, you are too cute"

 

me-"it'll be fun I"m sure"

 

her-"Yeah. I want to know all about you too"

 

her-"I like you too much already"

 

me-"yeah? should we not hang out as much?"

 

her-"no way I love hanging out with you and am super excited about this weekend. I got asked on a date last night and don't know what to say."

 

me- hehe oh yeah? why don't you know? do you wanna go?

 

her- "hmm. loaded question, not sure if I want to go...how honest and sharing you want me to be. I know we are not together just don't want to hurt you"

 

me- "lol well I mean I guess you should go if you don't mind me going on dates as well and go if you want to I mean there's nothing stopping you

 

her-"I want you to know I respect you...lol. I am such a dork."

 

me- "look, I like you a lot and you told me early on about your past relationships, no point in being together if you wanna see other people? kinda?"

 

her- "just wanted to make sure you didn't have certain expectations of me. didn't want to ruin a good thing over a date"

 

 

thoughts on what I should do? I know I should stop staying over there everynight help me!

[Pnt8rshs]

Sounds like she is going to hurt you and she is being pretty up front about it. If you can handle her going on a date with someone else, then keep seeing her but back off a bit. Don't put all your eggs in her basket. Don't stay over all the time. And DO go out on dates. In fact, make one soooooner than later.

[Little lady]

Thanks for the advice Cedarwalla, I think you're totally spot on. I already made a date for monday.

 

gosh relationships should be simple..but they're so complicated

 

again thank you for your reply

[bar35]

This situation is going to crush you I suspect. The fact that you have taken off like a shot from the get go is exciting, but that kind of intensity reflects a few things, and not necessarily the things that you might want to believe.

1.She (maybe you too) will have a track record of this kind of intensity early on. In other words this is not a "special" situation.

2.She is either really going on a date, or she is attempting to play with your emotions. If you are really cool with her going out with someone now then roll with it. I, for one, would not be after what you have described, and again I suspect that you at a fundamental level are not cool with it. If she is playing with your emotions, believe me this is just the beginning of the games that she is going to play, but you can guarantee that she will play this card again with you. Maybe not say that she is going to go out with someone, but definitely tell you that others are interested in her and asking her out. This is to keep you off balance, and a power/control game. No even a little bit cool.

 

To be in a situation in which you feel that you have to protect yourself by getting another date ASAP, is not a good situation to be in. How do you feel about her? Honestly, have you felt yourself starting to "fall in love with her?" If so, you are incredibly vulnerable right now, and she is going eat your heart from lunch, and never think about it.

 

Unless I am reading this situation wrong, and I don't think that I am, you either need to completely overhaul your personality, difficult under the most supportive of circumstances, so that you can use her the way that you are going to be used;or tell her to enjoy her date, which I bet dollars to donuts she is going to end up in bed with the guy just like she did with you, and issue her walking papers.

 

A girl like this will wring your dry. I can't tell if you are male or not because of your name, maybe if you are a woman, therefore gay, that this kind of behavior is more acceptable, but I suspect it is not acceptable in any social-sexual community.

[J-L-T]

Hun, you are going to get HURT, believe me. She seems like trouble. The fact she's never been faithful in a relationship - loads of red flags. It's extremely unlikely she would change with you.

[annie24]

me- "lol well I mean I guess you should go if you don't mind me going on dates as well :smile: and go if you want to I mean there's nothing stopping you

 

good response!

 

you know, i would be personally pretty offended if i've been having amazing sex with someone and really connecting with them, and they still want to see what else is out there. that's just me. i would probably get very angry if i were in your shoes.

 

but of course, i am not you, and you have to do what you feel comfortable with. sleeping over every night is going to be tricky, as are you really going to sit by the phone and wait for her to call you after her date is over? what if they really get along and she spends the night? blah. that's what i say. you may consider slowing things waaaaaaay down, so as to lessen the pressure so you guys don't self-implode. Like a previous poster said, maybe this is just her pattern - going hot and heavy at first, and then disappearing quickly? some people are like that.

[amipushy]

 

her- "just wanted to make sure you didn't have certain expectations of me. didn't want to ruin a good thing over a date"

 

Sounds to me like she is telling you that she is not in it for the long haul and as for the ruining a good thing.. it sounds like she already did!

 

I know it's only been three weeks but what you had sounded more that just 'a good thing' so the fact that she is even contemplating seeing someone else would make me feel sick inside and I wouldnt even bother seeing her again.

[Little lady]

Thank you all for the amazing feedback. She's coming over to my house to "talk" just to establish what is going on. I contemplated and even told her we should cancel this weekend but we'd been looking forward to this for two weeks. I think we may still follow through with this weekend and then just slow things down and see where we want to go from there. I definitely think we should slow things down...

 

damn I hate relationships they're so complex and so many factors go into them. I guess I should be upset because we do/did have a good thing goin