I gotta tell someone

[dudeman1928]

So I dated this girl for about 4 months, and about 3 months in I discover she had been having sex with another guy throughout our entire relationship. I found her old phone which she was supposed to have gotten rid of when we first dated in order to get rid of her ex boyfriend's and this other guy's number, so you can imagine how angry I was when I found all sorts of messages to him. I should have broken up right then and there, but she was so upset and sorry for what she did so I forgave her and told her it was her last chance (she had done some other minor things in the relationship that I forgave her for). So anyway things were looking good for a while but a couple weeks later I got suspicious about something she was texting me about so I took a surprise visit and asked nicely to see her phone. Of course she wouldn't let me see it so I told her I was leaving and I never want to see her face again. Well long story short, she let me see the phone and I got her to admit she had been having sex with that other guy, her ex boyfriend, and even another guy and even after I forgave her. I broke up with her and blocked her number from my phone but she did EVERYTHING possible to try and make up for it. She got a new number on a new phone and broke her old phones right in front of me. She showed me all the people she had on her new phone and even set her texting signature to say she loves me for life. Anyway she left for the army 2 weeks ago but I discovered after she left that she contacted this other guy YET AGAIN just days before she left for boot camp. I mean it's so obvious she doesn't truly care for me to keep doing this, but I can't stop thinking about it. The first week after she left I thought I was free and clear and actually felt relieved and happy, but just recently I keep having dreams about her and how sweet she is. She always bought me gifts even though she can't afford them, she texted me literally all day and drove to see me every day. But at the same time she wants some sex on the side, it just doesn't make sense! I really like her and I gave everything for her, but I can't be with someone like that. Imagine years later when marriage and kids come into the picture. I just felt I had to let this all out, because it's eating me up inside. I can't ever get back with her and I don't want to get back with her, but I still feel hurt whenever I think about her. I've removed everything about her from my life but there's always something that reminds me of her. How long is this gonna last so I can stop losing sleep and move on?

[76788]

You're right, you can never get back with her, having sex with someone else, lying about it, being deceitful, it is all completely unacceptable. Doing it again after being caught is just salt in the wound. You're better off without this girl. You'll find another one soon enough, in the mean time, try to keep your mind occupied with other things.

[JoshHimself]

I'm sorry man but whats it going to take?

[Tanzi]

Is she being sweet ... or keeping you sweet? She is buying your affections. She might want to keep you but it seems she wants to keep these others guys too. Maybe she does care a about you ... but not nearly enough to treat you the way you should be treated when in a committed relationship.

 

Forget the gifts she buys you, forget the distance she travels, she gets something from that too. Bottom line is she has cheated on you from the very beginning and has continued to do so despite her promises, protestations and her phone trashing performances. It seems this girl will go to any length to keep things the way she wants them. This really is not an ideal situation to be in and I doubt things will ever change. Sorry if that sounds harsh but you deserve better than this.

[Tanzi]

In answer to your question ... no-one can put a time on how long it takes to heal but be rest assured that you will get there. You will get over this, that I can promise you. I've been there (as have a lot of people on here) and have come through it. Life for me is normal again. You just need to be patient.

[Nerdyjock]

This is an interesting situation... I don't usually chalk things up to "disorders", but she may have some sort of sexual disorder. I mean - breaking the phones in front of you, crying, etc... that seems hard to force the emotions for in her case. From what you say, I think she does want to be with you, however, that is definitely not enough. She has some serious issues and, since you have already given her 2nd, 3rd chances, and it has only been a relatively short relationship, I would go NC and never look back at this. Time to cut your losses, IMO.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Is she being sweet ... or keeping you sweet? She is buying your affections. She might want to keep you but it seems she wants to keep these others guys too. Maybe she does care a about you ... but not nearly enough to treat you the way you should be treated when in a committed relationship.

 

Forget the gifts she buys you, forget the distance she travels, she gets something from that too. Bottom line is she has cheated on you from the very beginning and has continued to do so despite her promises, protestations and her phone trashing performances. It seems this girl will go to any length to keep things the way she wants them. This really is not an ideal situation to be in and I doubt things will ever change. Sorry if that sounds harsh but you deserve better than this.

 

Exactly. She is doing what typical male players do...shower the person with gifts and attention while also putting the moves on others. This woman is a player and an attention-seeker. She actually isn't a nice person because nice people don't string someone along while putting the moves on others.

[dudeman1928]

I totally understand what you guys are saying and I agree she obviously won't change and it's better off to not even keep in contact with her when she returns from boot camp. I guess I'm just really confused about this one. I mean you could ask ANYONE that knows us and they will say she is almost obsessed with me. ALWAYS talking about me and how great of a guy I am, etc. Even in front of the guys she messes around with and when I'm not around. And like I said, literally every waking second she would be texting me or calling me or trying to come over to hang out and stuff, I honestly don't know how she had time to do this crap on the side. I've tried everything from being nice and putting it in the past to yelling at her calling her a lying cheating wh0re and all that. And every time I get angry about it she latches onto me and starts crying saying I mean everything to her and I'm the best thing that's happened in her life. It seriously looks like I'm ripping her heart out and she cries so hard over it. It really confuses me but I guess I'll just chalk it up to her being some obsessive psycho and eventually I'll move on. Thanks for listening though it helps to talk about it.

[Ms Darcy]

I think you are right to call her a crazy psycho and leave it at that. You can't understand crazy. And please don't forgive a serial cheater again.