Accepting/Believing

[im rly mad]

How do you literally do these things?

 

i.e. if you are constantly beating yourself up over the past, how do you just accept that it happened and you can't change it instead?

 

edit: also, I'm the type of person who desperately holds on to grudges and I tend to do whatever it takes to get revenge on people if they have done anything to me. I assume these two problems feed into each other somehow

[Ebrithil]

Acept that it happened see it as a learning experience and not as a definitive moment in your life. A lot of people when having a problem get so wraped up in it that they can't see past it and as such it seems like the end of the world to them. You instead have to just take life in your stride and see everything as a learning experience a and if you learn from your mistakes you won't repeat them. Hope this helps somehow.

[doityourself]

God, grant us the...

Serenity to accept things we cannot change,

Courage to change the things we can, and the

Wisdom to know the difference

Patience for the things that take time

Appreciation for all that we have, and

Tolerance for those with different struggles

Freedom to live beyond the limitations of our past ways, the

Ability to feel your love for us and our love for each other and the

Strength to get up and try again even when we feel it is hopeless.

 

This is what reminds me, Im not a religious person but this always hits home with me.

[turnera]

What good does it do to get revenge?

 

What have you changed?

 

If you think you've gotten them to LIKE you or RESPECT you, you're wrong. All you did was make them dislike you more.

[misssmithviii]

I have beaten myself up over the past, and sometimes I get the urge to.

 

One thing I remind myself of is I'm more beautiful when I let it go, I'm a sweeter person, a nicer, more loving and easy-going person... my face glows and I feel so much better about myself - and the truth of it is, we cannot change what we've done in the past. So dwelling on it isn't going to do me any good except raising my stress level (for literally no reason because I've learned from it), making me break out, etc etc

 

PS Revenge may feel good at the moment, but in the end you're only adding to THEIR ego and lowering yours about yourself internally.

[Celadon]

Acept that it happened see it as a learning experience and not as a definitive moment in your life. A lot of people when having a problem get so wraped up in it that they can't see past it and as such it seems like the end of the world to them. You instead have to just take life in your stride and see everything as a learning experience a and if you learn from your mistakes you won't repeat them. Hope this helps somehow.

THIS. Excellent advice.

 

Consider it this way: You hang on to grudges and try to get revenge because you think someone else's action toward you reflects who you are -- instead of a reflection of who THEY are. Consider that it could have been anyone who was their "victim." For example, someone calls you a name. Does that mean you ARE that name? Of course not! It has nothing to do with you! It was someone choosing to act all mean and ugly.

 

Ultimately, what someone else chooses to do doesn't have to affect who YOU choose to be. Does that make sense?

 

About beating yourself up about something in the past, we go through some horrible situations in our lives. And sometimes we wish we could have acted differently. But reality is reality. Things are over and done with. Maybe you need to heal emotionally and forgive yourself for whatever it was you did (or failed to do).