Staying positive

[jmantra]

Hi All,

 

I was wondering if anyone had any advice for staying positive when everything in your life is going totally wrong?

[livelarge]

You may have heard this one: Every day write down three things that you are grateful for. There's some theory that being grateful releases some happy chemicals in the brain. Plus it keeps you from going down in a negativity spiral.

[ljoy74]

Whether you're religious or not you can use this one...

Every night before I fall asleep I thank God for 5 things. Whether it be the fact that I have a job, a few good friends, a roof over my head, that I got to eat dinner that day, etc. I just list some things I am thankful for.

Then I pray for the people who are worse off than me. There is ALWAYS someone worse off than you, and that alone is something to be thankful for (not in a snotty sense- a truly thankful sense). If this fails, think of the times in your life where you have been truly happy. You don't have to become nostalgic and sad or wish for the past, just relish in the moments you have really loved.

[shes2smart]

You focus on what's right.

 

"Nothing's right" you say.

 

I beg to differ.

 

You're alive.

 

You have enough brain power to use a computer and read and construct complete sentences...not everybody does.

 

You have access to a computer and the internet. Double bonus if you own the computer and the internet access in your home. There are plenty of people who don't have those things.

 

I assume you were able to eat something today. Again, not everyone can say that.

 

I also assume you're in reasonable health and are of at least average physical ability -- you have all 4 limbs, sight in both eyes, are able to hear and speak, and can move around under your own power. There are plenty of folks who are lacking in one or more of those areas.

 

I assume you have a place you call home and a bed to sleep in. These are also things not everybody can claim.

 

Understand this -- the very nature of life is cyclic....things are good, they get worse, they get better again. Winter turns into spring in its own time.

[Sparkly Eyes]

I don't have any advice but I'll have an eye on this thread for more advices.

[Celadon]

Usually when things are going wrong for me, I get negative because I'm either stewing over something I can't control or imagining bad things will happen that actually never do. This may seem obvious, but one way to stay positive is to be less negative.

 

About not stewing, you need to vent but you do not need to stew. You can vent by journaling or talking with someone or posting on ENA, etc. After that, if you find your mind drifting to "the problem," stop yourself. Remind yourself that your thinking about the problem doesn't change anything. There's no power in it. It just depresses you.

 

About imagining the worst, there's some saying that 99 percent of the bad things I feared in my life never actually happened. We have great imaginations, but if something hasn't happened -- it HASN'T HAPPENED. It's hard to stay in the now, but try to acknowledge that things you are afraid are going to happen, you don't know if they will or not. You don't KNOW that your bf is going to break up with you. You don't know that tomorrow is going to be the worst day of your life. Things change, unexpected good things happen. Even if your bf did break up with you (for example) it could turn out to be a good thing in disguise.

 

Life is like that. Sometimes the things we think are the worst turn out, later, to have silver linings.

[jmantra]

You may have heard this one: Every day write down three things that you are grateful for. There's some theory that being grateful releases some happy chemicals in the brain. Plus it keeps you from going down in a negativity spiral.

 

I don't know how much gratitude can help me in my situation, there is a good possibility that I could lose a lot of things like my apartment since I lost my job.

 

There is ALWAYS someone worse off than you, and that alone is something to be thankful for

 

Thinking about others that are worse off than me just makes me feel worse, as if I could end up in that situation

 

You're alive.

 

I am not sure if that is a good thing or not

 

You have enough brain power to use a computer and read and construct complete sentences...not everybody does.

 

Yes I am of average intelligence, I guess I am thankful for that

 

You have access to a computer and the internet. Double bonus if you own the computer and the internet access in your home. There are plenty of people who don't have those things.

 

There's a very good possibility that I could lose that.

 

Ditto to this:

 

I assume you have a place you call home and a bed to sleep in. These are also things not everybody can claim.

 

I also assume you're in reasonable health and are of at least average physical ability -- you have all 4 limbs, sight in both eyes, are able to hear and speak, and can move around under your own power. There are plenty of folks who are lacking in one or more of those areas.

 

..And so does about 99% of the population, I guess I really see the glass is half empty :splat:

 

Understand this -- the very nature of life is cyclic....things are good, they get worse, they get better again. Winter turns into spring in its own time.

 

I somewhat understand the cyclic nature of life, but the last 10 years the bad times far outlast the good. The bad times last what seems like an eternity, while the good times never last long enough ](*,)

[jmantra]

About not stewing, you need to vent but you do not need to stew. You can vent by journaling or talking with someone or posting on ENA, etc. After that, if you find your mind drifting to "the problem," stop yourself. Remind yourself that your thinking about the problem doesn't change anything. There's no power in it. It just depresses you.

 

Brooding has always been a big problem now. With no job I don't have the money to do the things I enjoy, and don't really have too many friends, nor a g/f, so unfortunately I got all the time in the world to think about how much things suck.

 

About imagining the worst, there's some saying that 99 percent of the bad things I feared in my life never actually happened. We have great imaginations, but if something hasn't happened -- it HASN'T HAPPENED

 

There's a very good possibility that my worst fears could come true - becoming homeless..

[shes2smart]

I was budget cut about 2 years ago with no warning.

 

I had been a radio dj for 25 years. Quite literally all of my adult working life...and had no other marketable skills.

 

I was also 2 years into a mortgage at that point.

 

But I'm not standing here today with my bills current and a roof over my head because I rolled over and gave up and focused on what I didn't have. The whole freakin' journey from "we're letting you go" to current times is coincidentally enough documented in the Journals section on this site.

 

When it comes right down to it, staying positive is a choice we make every minute of every day.

 

Observing what's around me, it appears to be much more common for people to complain and whine and focus on what they don't have and not be grateful for what they do have. It is far easier to stay in negative thought patterns than it is to re-train yourself to have a postive outlook.

 

If you choose to keep focusing on the negative, that's what you notice and that's what you create more of.

 

Yes, it's really that simple. I've been toying around with this consciously focusing on the positive & finding the upside to whatever situation I find myself in for over 20 years now.

 

It's simple, but it is not always easy and the bottom line is many people choose to stay miserable.

 

I refuse to be one of them. And more practice I have with remaining realistically positive, the less patience I have with people who seem hell-bent on creating endless misery for themselves.

[jmantra]

Thank you for the advice. It's nice to know that someone else made it through a crappy situation. I think I might need counseling to help me be more positive.

[Celadon]

Brooding has always been a big problem now. With no job I don't have the money to do the things I enjoy, and don't really have too many friends, nor a g/f, so unfortunately I got all the time in the world to think about how much things suck.

You also have all the time in the world NOT to think about how much things suck. I'm not trivializing what you're going through, just saying it's not inevitable that you think about bad things.

 

You apparently have a computer and Internet access, so you can do a lot of things besides fruitless brooding -- communicate with other people, even help other people if you chose to; watch funny shows on link removed; read interesting things and learn something new....

 

And if you are simply feeling overwhelmed by life, just take things a day at a time. Or even an hour at a time. Don't worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will have its own worries. Make today count for something.

[doityourself]

What works for me is taking the time to really look at your life and your surroundings, have you ever looked a butterfly flying around, or flowers, it gives me positive feelings.

 

Hearing children laugh

seeing people smile

old couples walking hand in hand

seeing someone help another

 

The little things in life that we never see cause we are to busy, these are the things that give me pleasure.