irrational fears...anxiety ?????????? how to deal with them ?????

[red_sky_girl]

Hi all !

Its been a while i havent posted in here...i needed a break, besides ive been really busy with my job, studies, my dad surgery ect.

 

When 2010 started i called it 'the year of changes' ...i wanted to change many things about myself and tawards other....especially tawards my family members.

Well it hasnt been a plesant year till now...ive been facing lots of difficulties...my dad surgery was the most difficult situation that took me (and us all as family)..three month , very busy days , very tiring , i had to be strong ..i had to find ways to help my dad...contact with different doctors ecetera...Im glad he did good...now he is better but needs at least 6 months to be better...he still has some problems..when he stays up and complains about any pain he has i m sleepless...

 

Mabey is the stress i feel, mabey is the anxiety, mabey is the job i dont like since months....its been a year now...mabey its myself...im not concent with myself and i still live with my parents and older brother...mabey its because i have to study for my exams now...and mabey i need some vacation(i take my vacation ,by the end of the month)....mabey its the way i see things...i dont know the main reason...but its been now two months or more that i have all these irrational fears and securities...like im afraid of lesbism....when i see two girls..i feel dizzy in my stomac...even if i dont like girls...and i have always dreamed about my so called ‘blu prince’..im attracted only to man...im afraid and feel mix feelings when i think about being in a relationship..with a guy...i think what if i get bored , or he gets bored and everything end...what if he cheat on me or i cheat on me even if im a very trustworthy person...what if i dont be a good mom and hurt my baby somehow....what it i move out from home and cant live without my family , parents....i have all this fears....irrational fears and i feel anxety...ive been suffering from anxety when i was a little girl...i was and still am afraid of darkness, each night i would to to my parents bed and sleep with them....ive been suffering from anxity when i was in hight school....specially when i had to study for my exams...ive been feeling lots of anxiety...when i was in isolated places...or when i was on the bus i could stay without breth for some seconds...when i was a tenager i thought alot about death and i was afraid to sleep cause i was afraid i could die while sleeping...i dont even know how these fears come to me...it is me that i allow them , specially when i feel stressed , non content with some aspect of my life.....? or What?????

 

 

Have anyone felt these fears...or kind of ?????? Please tell me how to overcome these fears....i dont have them every minutes...they happen to come when i feel sad angry, disatisfied....or empty....when i try to pray or meditate (which i like but dont find the right concentration right now)...i feel better....i cant stand this state anymore...i dont want to be a person full of fears and insecurities...i want to smile everyday...and be quiet and in peace with myself...i feel like ive lost this balance inside me and i dont know what to do...

Any sugesstion would be appreciated...

Im sorry i didnt want to share negative feelings and thoughts..cause i always encorage people, but when it comes to myself...i feel stuck often.....

 

 

?????

[red_sky_girl]

am i the only one in this forum who has irrational fears????

[Someday_Soon]

No, and in fact anxiety issues are quite common, although the situations that are causing you anxiety seems to be very diverse. Do you have trouble relating to, or making friends with people of your own age? If so, that may be an indicator your view of yourself needs some maintenance.

 

I'm glad to hear you say you want to be able to smile everyday, thats a sign you still have a passion for life. You said that you have been facing many difficulties this year, well a lot of people have due to the economy, the oil spill and a whole host of negative news releases. I have anxiety about some of the same issues you raised, although I'm not scared of the dark and have lived away from home for awhile with no issues there. I can relate to your ideas that center around relationships with the opposite sex though. One of the things your going to have to accept if you are going to move on, is elements of who you are. You need to start liking yourself and also don't blame yourself for things you cannot control. You weren't born to shoulder the weight of the world, do what you can do and don't worry about things outside of your ability. In the mean time, keep investing yourself in new experiences so you can grow and gain confidence in your ability to be independent.

[red_sky_girl]

someday thanks for your message...as for your question if i have trouble making friends with people of my own age ...the answer is no....i have no difficulties...i love to have close friends and make new friends, but i have just a few in this moment...besides im very gentle,caring and loving person but i dont make friends that easily....

 

thanks for you suggestions

[Celadon]

Hi Red_Sky_girl. I don't know if I have any answers, but yes, I have also lived with irrational fears. When I was a child, I was at home once and my mom was supposed to come home soon but she didn't. I got so scared there would be an intruder, I grabbed a kitchen knife and sat on the couch with it until she got home. It was irrational but I have always been more "heightened" to protecting myself and others against danger. I'm not sure why.

 

I think Someday Soon has good suggestions. I would add that you need to feel empowered -- that if something bad were to happen, you would be able to handle them. Also, consider that if something bad happens, it will not be the end of the world. Many people survive many awful things in this life. You can, too. I know that it is one thing to say and other thing to believe (that's the problem with irrational fears; it's not a matter of logic, is it?).

 

Perhaps you can start by observing things you are good at and capable of accomplishing. Affirm yourself when you do something well. For example, if you were afraid to drive, you could drive to the store and say, "See? I did that well. I observed all the traffic and I drove at the speed limit and I was safe." That kind of thing.

 

Just thinking out loud here, but what do you think about having a plan for all these situations you fear? For example, you are afraid your S.O. will cheat on you. Now, you can't control that, but you can try to prevent it by (a) choosing a trustworthy person (b) making sure your relationship continues to be romantic and interesting and © decide what steps you are willing to take IF he were to cheat on you (personally, I'd kick him to the curb, but that's just me). Also you can develop a strong support system (a trustworthy group of friends) so that if it were to happen, you would not be alone to deal with it.

 

I have an irrational fear: I fear I will not be prepared. Sometimes it doesn't even matter what -- it could be something big, like feeling afraid I won't be prepared for my parents' deaths. It could be something small, like fear of not being prepared at work. Mostly, I fear that I won't FEEL like doing whatever I'll need to do in any particular situation that's caused by my not being prepared. I fear the experience will be so excruciatingly miserable and awful and horrible and I won't have the personal wherewithal to deal with it. I don't understand this fear, honestly. I could use some advice myself!

 

Anyway, best to tackle the fears one at a time. Or, have you considered seeing a counselor to work this through?

[red_sky_girl]

hi there kool...thanks for your response...and suggestions...well it is true , fears are not logic , they just happen to come to you and put you in an anxety state...well people say often it is you who let them in, but i dout of this..i know everyone of us has the abbility and force to make things move ...but there are times when i feel reall stuck...and having these fears i feel so limitated and dont see the big picture in front of me ...i can see myself being the person i would like to be.........

as for a conselor i dont think that would help...in my country there arent many or better say no people who are that specialized to help others with these problems...besides here people use their proffessions to gain many ... if it were some therapist outside my country mabey i would try one, but not here....im studing psicology ..and my porpouse in life is to help others and make their life better...but i need to work on my self first right?

 

 

well hopully i will get over this