How to love yourself more?

[chelsea13]

I've decided to take action... a couple of weeks ago it would mean getting more guys interested, trying (again) to get a boyfriend... But, I'm so sick of it. It all boils down to the fact that I have internal issues to sort out before hoping for anything else.

 

The truth is, it's been two months of summer already and what happened was : I fell for a pretty boy I know from uni, but obviously he's not interested - so I was really hurt. Then I liked this Italian guy after meeting him for one night, but he didn't really remember much about me, and I felt sooo bad about it. Then bang! I developed some feelings for a male friend of mine but turns out that he's asking my best friend out, and you had no idea how shattered I felt.

 

These endless cycles will continue itself if I don't do something about it, I always get down and disappointed repetitively because a certain guy is obviously not into me, and I take it VERY personally, and also I will be super jealous at people who've got pursuers and/or are dating/in a relationship. I will wake up every morning and feel bad about the guy I sort of like.

 

So I've came to the conclusion that I need to sort our my internal issues and take charge, I need to stop being so insecure, so self-focused, and in hindsight, I need to love myself. I mean, really love myself so that I don't feel the need to be with anyone to feel good about myself. Cos the truth is, who would like someone who's so insecure and appear so serious all the time? I had a flash of these moments before and it felt so good, though however, the feeling of insecurity crept back...

 

So how to love yourself more? I decided that I will still go out, but I will just be myself instead of wearing high heels and trying to impress the guys when I HATE high heels, I won't change my personalities but I need to improve on my behaviour by mellowing down my strong opinions, etc that may offend others. I will do things for myself and myself only...

 

I always thought that I loved myself but turns out I'm always torturing myself by basing my self-worth on physical appearances and whether guys like me. I'm desperate for their attention. I mean I would get down when a guy friendzones me. It's so bad because this summer, all I care about is hanging out with them, and I neglected the love of my family and closer friends.

 

Suggestions please, on what I should do. I'm ready to creep out of this black hole and start enjoying life by spending more alone time, and also with friends and family.

 

Thanks.

[wheatgrass82]

AWESOME.. some people never get to this stage and continue along the same cycle. you are ready to be mature and it sounds like you have the best mind set.

 

Firstly, It sounds like you try and look good for other guys. Start realising that looking hot (whatever that means to you) is something you do for yourself. You know that feeling when you look great? you look in the mirror and feel really good? That feeling is for you.

 

Every night you have to look in the mirror and tell yourself you love yourself. I also recommend thinking of a positive female role model to channel her power..... wisdom and strength.. Some one you admire or would like to emmulate. I do not know any women in my life like that so I think of famous women that possess those qualities I admire... It could be Angelina Jolie... Natalie portman... America Ferrrera... Pamela Anderson... Who knows... It's what speaks to you. If you want to be confidant....happy.... sexy and awesome... start to contempmlate on what that feels like....Imagine that is already you.

 

I also did waht you did years ago. I stopped going out and simplified my life away from all the superficial garbage... I now love going out... enjoy looking amazing and strut my stuff... Becuase i'm proud.

 

I use to resent men a little and i think that can reflect on your relationships and affects who you are and holds you back from being the best you can be.

 

It's not about them. It's you baby girl. Go get ém tiger.

[xyzzzz]

post ur pic on some website u trust or something and ask people how they think or rate about u.then u can get an overall impression.then find a suitable mindset for ur looking

[chelsea13]

post ur pic on some website u trust or something and ask people how they think or rate about u.then u can get an overall impression.then find a suitable mindset for ur looking

 

That's just stepping back into the black hole, having strangers rate my attractiveness, which is not what I want to be doing.

I want to feel that I'm beautiful myself without relying on the judgement of others.

[wheatgrass82]

post ur pic on some website u trust or something and ask people how they think or rate about u.then u can get an overall impression.then find a suitable mindset for ur looking

 

oh my godfather... i agree chels.... NOT NOT NOT good idea... whole idea is NOT caring what other ppl think... and caring wht you think about yourself...

 

i dont understand why ANYONE would do this..... EVER! only if you were terribly vain or insecure... and you are not vain... so it will only be a catalyst to insecurity.

[xyzzzz]

huh? i didnt realise it was that bad an idea...why? cant u face ur ugliness (just in case ur really ugly)

people can still love themselves even they know they are ugly. my friends can..oe of them says "i know im ugly.people call me ugly.doesnt matter,i just accept it.i still chase my own happiness"

i in fact think,facing ur ugliness is true brave

[chelsea13]

huh? i didnt realise it was that bad an idea...why? cant u face ur ugliness (just in case ur really ugly)

people can still love themselves even they know they are ugly. my friends can..oe of them says "i know im ugly.people call me ugly.doesnt matter,i just accept it.i still chase my own happiness"

i in fact think,facing ur ugliness is true brave

 

wow................

[wheatgrass82]

ugly as with beauty is in the eye of the beholder... I would never ever ever call someone ugly about thier looks and anyone who would is immature.

 

i think you miss the whole point of this problem is to not care what she looks like but to feel confidant from within and start to WANT to be the best she can be. . . .

 

i dont think an internet poll on physiacal appearance is ever a good idea. It is incredibly juvenile ... and that is sugar coated.

[xyzzzz]

my point is face ur ugliness and u can still be happy.if u wanna escape...hmm maybe it works too..i dunno

[xyzzzz]

the op's problem is the guys dont like her..my problems is the guys are all taken..im cursed

[chelsea13]

the op's problem is the guys dont like her..my problems is the guys are all taken..im cursed

 

My problem is that I don't love myself enough.

And I'm not ugly.

And that's the point, I don't want everything to be about guys.

That's why I need to work on my internal issues first.

[wheatgrass82]

i promise.. once you learn to be your best, hottest self.... you will then stop comparing yourself to other girls and therefore................... stop feeling like you need to get all the boys to want you....

 

the irony is... if you do this.... you'll be your best self and i can tell you i know you ARE hot.... youll have confidence and you'll be surprised how many guys will want you. but by then... you'll be over it anyway. lol irony

[Miss Firecracker]

My problem is that I don't love myself enough.

And I'm not ugly.

And that's the point, I don't want everything to be about guys.

That's why I need to work on my internal issues first.

 

I think it's great you realize what you need to do. I have seen women in their 30's and 40's still in that mindset, asking people all the time what they think about their looks. Must be a miserable situation to be in. If you break out of that right now, your life will be so much happier. Yah!!!

[quirky]

I also think it's great you're taking action to improve on something that will bring you more happiness and freedom. I don't wish you luck just self love and resiliance, post here anytime you need some encouragement

[xyzzzz]

My problem is that I don't love myself enough.

And I'm not ugly.

And that's the point, I don't want everything to be about guys.

That's why I need to work on my internal issues first.

 

yeah still it;s something u can fix..but mine? huh........

[chelsea13]

Ayyye, thanks ladies, you guys are all very encouraging. Yes I think it's great that I'm realising the roots of my problems.

 

 

the irony is... if you do this.... you'll be your best self and i can tell you i know you ARE hot.... youll have confidence and you'll be surprised how many guys will want you. but by then... you'll be over it anyway. lol irony

 

Yes it's super ironic. But I totally get you mean. I had a period (a couple of weeks) when I just didn't really care about my appearance and felt really beautiful whenever I look into the mirror. THEN more people started complimenting me and guys would check me out/turn their necks. The bad thing is I got excited about these again and then fell back into the black hole of being very self conscious.

 

Then I started liking the wrong guys again and hearing guys talk about how hot this and that girl is got my confidence down again. I'm trying to reach a level where I can talk about these things with them without feeling unattractive! I do like hanging out with the boys but I just feel that there are lots of times when I would take things way too personally.

[xyzzzz]

why would guys talk about hot girls in front of u...that really doesnt happen often to people...i can understand they say"yeah she's nice" and even that, is usually followed by me saying "what do u think about her" first.

but yeah i agree with the other girls about loving urself..but i dont think my idea is that lousy.. haha well actually that just triggered me..im gonna do that on myself hey!

[pinkelephant]

ugh.

some people has a really warped, highschool view of life...

 

 

 

i think that most women learn to love themselves relatively late in their lives, so i don't think you're slow or anything chels. It's ussually after college, because that's when they realize that outer beauty, a certain standard of outer beauty isn't that important and not only that, they also learn that even though they don't look like barbie or paris fricking hilton, it doesn't mean they're not beautiful.. in fact, it actually increases their market value, so to speak...

 

More over, they learn to think for themselves and challenge society's belief of beauty, of femininity, of strength and come up with beliefs that are true to themselves... and I think if you do that, you'll be able to love yourself.

[pinkelephant]

oops. wrong thread.

 

embarsssing. LOL

[Jd1983]

If you're confident in yourself, you will feel beautiful.

 

I know that there are times when I am content with my looks, and yet there are times that I'm not. However, I also noticed that the times when I am confident, other people will notice it too.

 

It's all about your attitude and how you portray yourself. In my opinion, we are all beautiful in our own ways.

 

I'm sure you're beautiful OP, just start believing it.

[MalibuOne]

I think it's just awesome that you are at this realization while you are so young yet. It took me years to get there.

 

I think it's all about attitude. I was never confident around others. But I found that if I acted like I was, it became easier. If you practice confidence, it becomes a habit. The trick is to catch yourself when you are slipping into your old habits and readjust.

 

Confidence comes from having a full life of your own that may or may not have a man in it at the time. Interests, hobbies, talents, friends, family and a positive, upbeat attitude. Fake it til you make it actually works. Wake up and tell yourself you are happy with YOU everyday and some of the reasons why and you'll start your day with a smile.

[chelsea13]

I think it's just awesome that you are at this realization while you are so young yet. It took me years to get there.

 

I think it's all about attitude. I was never confident around others. But I found that if I acted like I was, it became easier. If you practice confidence, it becomes a habit. The trick is to catch yourself when you are slipping into your old habits and readjust.

 

Confidence comes from having a full life of your own that may or may not have a man in it at the time. Interests, hobbies, talents, friends, family and a positive, upbeat attitude. Fake it til you make it actually works. Wake up and tell yourself you are happy with YOU everyday and some of the reasons why and you'll start your day with a smile.

 

I think so too. The waking up bit is the hardest, cos I always feel a bit low when I wake up. But I will try, thanks.

[top bloke]

Go to youtube and look up burtharding.He has excellent advice.Neediness is a form of control.It is not love. Love yourself and youll be fine. Accept yourself and you wont compromise yourself again.