demonic epiphany

[kinetic32]

Im at the end

the end is upon me

ive been tested and tried my entire life

ive lost all my friends, my one true love, and even my wife.

what is a job with nothing to come home to?

what good is being smart when no one listens?

when you live in room that contains no doors...

when you feel like a puddle of nothingness, wasting a perfectly good floor.

counselors fail, family has failed, hobbies are boring. nothing seems fun. everyone has a gift, mine is destruction.

i cant meet anyone.. no one is interested

i try so hard to make a change

i tried so hard for 10 years

its sunny outside, but i see nothing

no one lends an ear.. no one really cares

everyone has the one problems.. the entire world is in despair.

so why should i bother..

"you have so much to live for" they say

but they havent walked in my shoes... not even for one day

"we have all been there, we know its hard"

I tell a girl Hi and give her a smile.. all i get is eww like Im something so vile.

maybe I wronged people of past.

every night its the same question.. "how long could this last?

I know in my mind itll end when I say. ill rise up and make a difference and create a new day.

but in my heart, ive been defeated.

happiness is so out of my reach..

when i think of it I just throw up.

 

could hell be any worse? could life be any better?

 

for some people the world will never be right.

I wish for death.. I ask for it. I cry every night

I have no more strength to breath... it just hurts to feel

It hurts so bad to feel.

 

there is nothing worth the pain.... i just want a release

please just let me go.. please stop this torture

 

my eyes are red with nothing but hate!

i grind my teeth in the fit of pure rage..

you say hi to me.. i want to snap your neck

just take my teeth and rip out your eyes

I want to see you gasping for life.. you know your about to die.

 

and i just smile... because you get the gift i cannot have. a release from this place this earth

this hell.

 

as i come to my head and see what i think, I see who i am so tired.. so weak. I could never kill another or I.

 

so i sit here in pain.. in sorrow... in misery... alone and abandon....

 

I will sit here every day and every night.. theres nothing left except to cry..

 

and it will go on every second of every day..

 

until the day.. That I die..

 

to all who know what it means to feel the warmth of happiness.. I envy you..

[veralyn]

this is beautifully written...

why don't you write a book? put your energy into writing? i find it very soothing, and when i feel depressed and frazzled and anxious, writing it out helps me to organize myself. shed a poetic light on a feeling that otherwise just feels like painful, irreversible chaos. keep a journal of your feelings and yourself... give yourself daily goals and then write about them... it might help you with progress. believe it or not i can actually very much relate to this post, and that's what i'm going to try. i'm living with my 3 nephews for a while. they're crazy kids. so i started a blog on What Kids Can Teach You. sometimes they do and say things that give me a tiny little morcel of perspective on how the simple things in life can make you smile... so i write about them. put those little thoughts out there, somewhere. and hopefully they grow, day by day, into something called "happiness".

 

cheers. all the best. keep going. xoV.

[NightLily]

I agree, that this is written well. Does writing help you at all? I have recently discovered it myself as something that does actually help if but only for a few passing moments.

[sand dollar]

I really loved your poem Tell us more about you. We want to kno wand we want to listen. You are in my heart and prayers. Let us know how you are. PLEASE All the things you are going through are just part of a cycle. It will be so different soon. Wait and see. You have great talent and are a sensitive and interesting and intelligent person. YOu DO have so much. There are so many people who can't write like that or have that creativity. PLease share more with us. We need you here and we want to help you too. Lets help eachother PLEASE I BEG YOU STAY WITH US!!!! I send you all my love and hope. You are a special person and have so much to offer. Don't give in. Happines may be a moment away.