katehurts Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 No matter how hard I try I just can't attract anyone Just had the guy of my dreams come to watch me perform. A guy I have loved for ages , a guy I dream of every day and night and I blew it. I messed the performace up completely Later I asked him round and he shot me down I am so sick of life right now. I am so lonely and depressed. What will I do now? What will I dream of at night and look forward to during the day? What will keep me going? I have nothing. I cant eat or sleep and I need help so bad coz I don't want to keep going. I just want him but he doesn't want me and neither does anyone else. I blew the only other thing I have in my life (my performing) and now Ive just had enough. I have nothing to dream for, or to live for really. I have had it with life right now. Im so sick of everything. I try so hard but for what reason? No one wants me coz im fat ugly and just a massive screw up. Had enough. Im so scared right now, I cant go to bed coz I will think about what a screw up I am. Im scared of myself. If I stop and get off this computer then my mind will wander to todays horrors and it will push me over the edge. Why cant things just work out for me? Why when I try so god dam hard does it always have to end this way. Im so scared Link to comment
sunday2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 how old are you...you need to get some perspective.calm down and think about things.Now I'm 36yrs old gone through a breakup after being with somebody I loved for 3 years and 10mnths have been on 5 dates since and none have worked out and yes I can't attract anybody either.And ME too feel like a big screw up for somebody at my stage in life.I can't pretend to know what you're going through.but you need to understand that you can't beat yourself up over this and if you have other friends you can talk to you should do that OK Link to comment
sand dollar Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 Hi Kate, I kno wit's hard ,but PLEASE hang on. I just said a prayer for you and hope you do too. You seem like an intersting and passionate person to me. Don't stay alone. Have you tired 12 step groups? it's a great way to meet positive new people to have in your life that will support you. I care and hop e things improve. Reachout to us here and get therapy and go to 12 step grouos and support groups and it WILL work out. PLEASE write me if you want or PM me. I'm here for you. Link to comment
wheatgrass82 Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 oh katehurts.... everbody hurts my love. you are not alone in that. everbody is fat and ugly at some point and we have all felt like you do. i was fat and ugly all week. but chin up love.. youcant eat??? thats a good thing... kkeep that up and you wont be fat.. and i bet you you are not ugly. ill make out with you i cant stop eating. im serious. the fact you even performed at all i commend you.... i have zero negative talents'. i have no hobbies and really not a lot going for me... but i did just rent seaason three of mad men and i am enjoying locking myself in my room and watching that back to back. small mercies..... things change they never stay the same.. you have to stop telling yourself you suck... that IS suicide. it makes no sense or reason. Ever think about those people who are so confidant... bordering on arrogant? those smae ones that have nothing to boast about??????? well we should all have that asset... self esteem is not dependent on anything. we all need it.. like we need air.. and you need it now bad..... you are a sweet wonderful special girl..... you fill in the rest.. stop hating on yourself.... my little sis' name is kate and i tell you if anyone spoke to her the way you are speaking about yourself i'd slap them silly. it's pointless. smile my love. even if you cry at the same time.... we all in this togehter. Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 . youcant eat??? thats a good thing... kkeep that up and you wont be fat... Were you serious here? If she doesn't eat, her metabolism is going to get all fudged up. She's going to miss out on vital nutrients. Her energy is going to nosedive and she's going to feel even more emotionally drained, lethargic. My hair started falling out from starving myself, my skin took on a dullness, and when I did start eating again I put the weight back on like that *snaps fingers*. OP, please eat enough to at least keep your energy reserves when you can hold it down. If you don't, you're going to feel so much worse. Babies and little ones get cranky and upset when they're hungry. We are no different, energy sustains us in so many ways. Link to comment
wheatgrass82 Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 ahahhahahahahahah oh i was worried sumone night not have a sense of humour about that little one. to be clear i do not condone starving oneself. I was anorexic and had no periods for 5 years... I just often see everything with a gain of salt...... we all need nutrients yes of course..... but right now appears no eating disorder pending so i was just trying to lighten the mood. i think if we all take life less seriously we'd all be better off. I dont htink she will actually starve... it does not hurt anybody to have low appetitie for a few days.. especailly if she wants to lose weight.. i find it to be a bonous. that's me Link to comment
katehurts Posted July 5, 2010 Author Share Posted July 5, 2010 Thankyou for your replies, im trying to eat but I feel so sick and upset that I just cant I am really really really sad at the moment. Im crying my eyes out as I write this. I have spiraled into this horrible depression and I cant snap out of it no matter how hard I try. I just ccan't get this guy off my mind and my heart is in a million pieces. I feel everything is my fault. Why am I not good enough for him? I have been in bed all day, I try to get up but I get a few steps and sadness ovecomes me and I burst into tears. I just want to hide away for the rest of my life. I need help so badly. Im so sad and hurt. I was so nice, polite and respectful to this guy yet he just wont have a bar of me My whole life seems to have come crashing down after one rejection and its sounds really silly and pathetic but im soo distraught right now. I just wish everything would end. All the hurt would leave me and I would be strong enough to cope with this. Please help me Link to comment
sand dollar Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 I'm sorry Kate. PLEASE dont let this get you down. He may have problems and cant communicate right. You never know the true story. I just said a prayer for you and hope you do too. Tomorrow things may change. I send my love and hope to you. Write or PM if you like Link to comment
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