Regret....

[blgmike2]

Broke up w. my ex in Feb and she got a new bf 2 weeks later. Its now just hitting me that I miss her and I want her back. She made me a better person.

 

Now im left regretting the * * * * out of breaking up with her. What do I do? How do I win her back?

[savignon]

If she has a new boyfriend, you don't go for it. It's not flattering when a guy comes back 4 months later and says, "oh, NOW I see how great you are".

[blgmike2]

what do i do then...? this is so hard and i hate feeling like this. its not bc of her bf that i want her back. i was so stressed and lost at the time i broke up with her that i needed to be on my own, now that school is over (college) and i have a job locked down, I want, NEED her back. she is wonderful.

 

please advice me on what to do...

[faithful14]

Do you guys talk to each other at all- text, phone, email? Or has communication been non-existant since you both broke up?

[blgmike2]

Do you guys talk to each other at all- text, phone, email? Or has communication been non-existant since you both broke up?

 

if we talk, its me making the effort to do so. we email. i deleted her out of my phone bc i didnt want to get in the way. but i see her at the gym. i told her i regretted ending it with her and she emailed me later that day saying "i know one day you soon you will stop regretting your decision of breaking up with me"

 

i want to tell her that i want to be back with her, that i want her back so badly, that i miss her, that i still love her. that i think about her all the time.

 

but to answer your question, i try to stay out of her life bc of the new bf...

[savignon]

It sounds like she's moved on. You're right not to persue her b/c of the boyfriend.

[DeenasRhino]

From her reply to your email I think it's pretty clear she's moved on.

[uhohlala]

I hate to say it but the thing to do right now is learn from this experience, and cope as graciously as you can with your regret. Right now you are still wrapped up in your emotional state(s) and what you want. Your feelings and wishes are important, but so are hers. When you were stressed out, you did what you thought was right for you and broke up with her, regardless of what she wanted. Now you want her back -- but she's happily with someone else. Are you concerned with what she wants right now, or are you only worried about how you can get her to want what you want?

 

Some things to consider:

 

Why did it take you four months to figure out that breaking up with her was a real loss for you?

 

When you were stressed out, why did you view your relationship with her as a burden rather than a source of strength?

 

Are you really missing your ex, specifically, or are you merely missing having a companion now that you're less stressed and able to relax a bit?

[hpsowce]

After a quick read of your previous posts are you sure you aren't just panicking? It seems like you wanted to be single, you wanted the freedom that comes with that, you mentioned you are still young, but I'm sure you didn't count on her getting another boyfriend so soon after the breakup. It's almost like she's the one that got all things you expected to get after breaking up with her.

 

To be honest I don't think you have any right to interfere in her other relationship now, the best thing you can do is get over the relationship and move on. It'll be better for you in the long run if you do that, it might mean you have to treat it like you're the one being dumped and follow all the excellent advise on this site. That starts with "No Contact".

 

You never know, once you are over her and her current relationship has run it's course you two might get another chance, I mean, if she met this guy within two weeks of you leaving her then it might not be the longest lasting relationship ever... but (and it's an important BUT) right now you may as well believe they are going to be together forever because it'll help you move on properly.

 

Good luck and I hope you start feeling better soon.

[learning2relax]

BigMike,

 

I am sorry where you find yourself. I have been on the other side of that equation and not to be mean to you, but I could only hope that when he gets where you are, I have moved on and can't even consider letting back in to devastate me the way he did when he let me go because "he wasn't feeling it."

 

Like others have said I don't think you can do anything at this point. You have to respect that you threw her back in the ocean and she was fished out and now taken. You don't have another chance until she is either thrown back or she is the fisherman and you are the fish. In your best interests and to be in a place where that could even be possible somewhere in the future if it is in the cards......move on with your life and take care of yourself.

 

All the best....truly.

[blgmike2]

I know what you guys are saying and i agree with it but i am having the hardest time not thinking about her. everything that comes up (songs, jokes, conversation, ect) i think about her. its hard. i want her back and i wish i could tell her this. like in email or something. is this a good idea? it might be selfish but maybe she will feel the same way? i really think this guy is just a rebound but like you said, i dont think shed let me back in her heart...this was a terrible mistake and i am so picky with dating, that i know i will be single for a while.

 

i dont know what to do...you all seriously think its a bad idea to email her to tell her i want her back and why i want her back? why im sorry, what i would do to change?

[Ms Darcy]

You might have said this, but why did you dump her?

[blgmike2]

You might have said this, but why did you dump her?

 

i was busy with school, work, graduating, and i couldnt give her the attention i wanted to give her. now that i graduated and have a job, i have the time, i have the life to give her the attention she deserves. i know we can make it work.

 

but should i email her letting her know how i feel? that i want her back? that i need her in my life? this guy is just a rebound. i know that. but im on the fence on what to say/weither or not to email her or not...i know i want to be with her. i want to give our relationship a fair shot.....i really want to tell her all this..

[uhohlala]

i was busy with school, work, graduating, and i couldnt give her the attention i wanted to give her. now that i graduated and have a job, i have the time, i have the life to give her the attention she deserves. i know we can make it work.

 

But when the chips were down you didn't make it work. When you were with her you seemed to approach her and the relationship you had with her as something to reach your own conclusions about independently. Not jointly. At the time you were stressed out, you decided that you weren't giving her what you believed she deserved to have. What did she think?

 

Don't get me wrong, I can see that you were trying to be honest and accountable. But you weren't viewing her as a partner, you were viewing her as an object, or at best a pet -- a thing you make decisions about rather than with.

 

but should i email her letting her know how i feel? that i want her back? that i need her in my life? this guy is just a rebound. i know that. but im on the fence on what to say/weither or not to email her or not...i know i want to be with her. i want to give our relationship a fair shot.....i really want to tell her all this..

 

There's nothing wrong with expressing yourself to her, but you should be prepared for disappointment.

[blgmike2]

I appreciate all the help guys. I really do.

 

I have been going back and forth on this for about 3 days now. I get so close to pushing the send button and cant. I'm afraid she will say something mean back and hurt my feelings.

 

It was my mistake to break up with her. Shes happy now and I cant ruin anything shes got going. But I want to let her know that I hope I get another chance with her someday. What can I say to her, short and sweet, to let her know that I hope to get another shot with her someday and that i miss her?

 

Please help....After this email I send her I am done and going NC. any feedback would be appreciated.

 

Thank you...

[SpottiOtti]

It was my mistake to break up with her. Shes happy now and I cant ruin anything shes got going. But I want to let her know that I hope I get another chance with her someday.

 

Those three sentences. Short and sweet and to the point.

 

But are you serious about making it work this time? Everyone makes mistakes, but you wanted out when the chips were down, and you didn't take her feelings into account or let her be involved in that decision. Please don't confuse this poor girl's heart by sending this email, unless you are really willing to make it work with her. Imagine if she decides to leave this new guy to get back with you, then two weeks later you change your mind again.

[uhohlala]

Please don't confuse this poor girl's heart by sending this email, unless you are really willing to make it work with her. Imagine if she decides to leave this new guy to get back with you, then two weeks later you change your mind again.

 

Exactly: don't confuse "willing" and "able." OP, I don't doubt that you are sincere right now. But do you have the capacity to follow through? Do you understand what it is about you -- and quite possibly the relationship that you had with your ex (which she had a hand in too, of course!) -- that made cutting her out of your life seem like the right choice a few months ago?

 

If you don't understand what led you to behave as you did, you can't know that you won't pull the same thing again. And to seek her out without that assurance would be selfish and irresponsible.

 

It's entirely possible that there are/were things about your ex, her behavior, etc. that contributed to your feeling that she couldn't be a source of support when you were stressed out. I'm not suggesting that you're entirely at fault -- two people were in the relationship. But until you have a handle on what led you to break up with her, you're really not accounting for yourself. You're just telling her what you want right now. That's not much to go on, and she'd be foolish to put any stock in it.

[soporcogitavi]

Alot of you may not agree with me for saying this, but I think if you actually truly and genuinely feel that this was a mistake and believe this can work, then I would have no hesitation in contacting her. Fight for her man, if this i what you really want and you're not confused. I believe your relationship would only be stronger.