Little advice on my Situation...

[cert4]

Hi everyone,

 

Was just after some thoughts/advice on my current situation. Its kinda long so please bear with me but ill start at the beginning.

 

 

So I Know this girl. We have known each other for a while though work. She was always very nice too me and seemed to get on well with me. Used to flirt a fair bit but i always just put it down to she was an outgoing person.

 

Anyways I left the job in which i was in and moved on to a new job. We had each others phone numbers and would occasionally text or call each other to see what was up. Ive always been pretty attracted to her but never really did anything about it because i thought she didnt see me that way.

 

anyways one night myself and a few mates got together for a couple of beers and they were fooling round with my phone and ended up sending her a message saying " So honestly, why haven't we had sex yet?". Now i was kinda pissed at them and immediately sent a message apologizing about it and that they were mucking around.

 

I got a reply back straight away saying " OMG i know" and i was like what? anyways a few days later she texts me again saying that she is attracted to me and has lust for me and has been thinking about sleeping with me.

 

I stupidly told her that i wasnt really looking for a relationship right now but was not opposed to the idea of hanging out and having fun. Over the next few weeks we got closer and exchanged some very sexy text messages etc. When it came time to meet up again. She started acting all weird and said that due to problems etc in her life that she doesn't want to just "hook up" with anyone. she wants to find someone that truly cares about her.

 

at this point i had pretty much fallen for her and we had a long talk about things and i confessed i did have feelings for her and could we give things a try.

 

She agreed and i was really happy. we saw each other a few times more before she suddenly decided she couldn't see me anymore ( this was int he space of like a week). I told her i know she has been hurt in the past but im not like that and we can take things slow. anyways she got more and more annoyed the further i pushed her to tell me what was going on. I just wanted to know what it was that was getting in the way i guess.

 

we ended up having several fights in which she got angry and just said she had feelings for me but was not physically or emotionally ready for anyone right now. But stupidly, i kept bringing it up which resulted in a large fight and her saying to never contact her EVER again. I left it 5 days to cool down and sent an email apologizing for pushing and saying i was very sorry. at this stage id pretty much given up on the fact of anything happening. She sent me an email a week later saying that " she hopes im ok and wanted me to know she is not angry and has no bad feelings towards me".

 

took this as a good sign and started talking again. I didnt mention anything about the situation at all. we talked for a bit and i said would she give things a second chance between us if We just take it slow. And she said "yes, but only as friends. I have met someone and they have been very patient with me and my walls are starting to come down"

 

I was angry at hearing this because she told me all along she liked me and it was not lack of feelings but not being ready. But she already has someone new? I ended up saying " yeah i thought so. Thanks for lying to me all along. I dont want to be just your friend. I dont want you in my life. its sad because the very first thing i said to you was lets always be honest with each other because i cant stand being lied to. Now i find out everything you've told me is complete BS. Hope you're happy with your new guy. Have a nice life"

 

I know it was childish and i kinda feel guilty but it was just how i felt at the time.

 

This was 4 days ago and ive since deleted her phone number, and email. Am i making the right decision here?. I have a feeling ill get a call in a weeks time again from her and the cycle will continue.

 

she doesnt want me yet continues the contact. I just feel as though i need her gone completely now otherwise it will just tear me apart.

 

thoughts anyone??

[JoshHimself]

You did the right thing dude, you know this, you shouldnt even have to ask. And btw man, I hate when my friends do that crap to me. I'll go sleep or leave the room, and their on my phone. Bunch of * * * * * * * 's

[cert4]

Additional info: she is a few years older then me. And i said not to bother calling me ever. although goodbye means nothing at all. We've been saying goodbye for weeks and always gone back to each other.

 

When we hang out its just the two of us and we are quite close. ( couch watching movies holding hands. Or her falling asleep with her head on my lap etc)

 

Just baffeled as to why she has done this. Its completely out of character. I absolutely adore her and deep down i really want her to call me and say shes made a mistake and wants to give things a try. I know theres not much of a chance of that happening but i truly hope it does. Sad thing is i know i would say yes to her when i need to just be strong and let it go.

 

Pretty harsh saying to NEVER ever contact her again...then contacts me 2 weeks later. I just dont understand!

[catfeeder]

The key quality she mentioned about new guy is patience. This sounds like something you claimed to have but demo'd otherwise, or you wouldn't have felt the need to pressure her and exhaust her with arguments. I would quit being reactive and ride this out. If she gets bored of new guy and opts to give you another chance, I'd stop giving lip service to the idea of 'slow' and start behaving that way, instead. You sound as though you may be a bit of a hot head, and while that will buy you as much drama as you can handle, it's the antithesis of patience.

[cert4]

The key quality she mentioned about new guy is patience. This sounds like something you claimed to have but demo'd otherwise, or you wouldn't have felt the need to pressure her and exhaust her with arguments. I would quit being reactive and ride this out. If she gets bored of new guy and opts to give you another chance, I'd stop giving lip service to the idea of 'slow' and start behaving that way, instead. You sound as though you may be a bit of a hot head, and while that will buy you as much drama as you can handle, it's the antithesis of patience.

 

 

Yeah, maybe patience is something i need to work on. Bit hard to be patient though when someone will not explain what they want to you and refuse to see/speak to you about it.

 

In any case its been 5 days since that fight and i'm yet to hear from her. I seriously doubt i ever will again

 

Guess i just need to accept that shes gone and put it down to a learning experience.

[cert4]

So I felt guilty and sent a email to her ssinf the following:

 

 

Just wanted to let you know that i'm sorry for what i said. Im sorry but i cant be just your friend. You have no feelings for me anymore and are already seeing someone else so i just need to let things go and move on and the only way i can do that is without you. Its not the fact i dont want you in my life, because I do. I know you wanted to be just friends but its just something i cant do Ange. It is like going back to drinking water after having champagne. It would just hurt me too much being round you in any way esp now that you have someone else. I just cant put myself in the situation of being hurt.I know you dont understand but its sooooo hard for me to be just friends with you and never want more then that. If I cant have all of you, Its just best that I dont have you at all. If we ever were just friends it would just create endless problems. Im sorry I pushed you so much and had no patience. I guess it is something i need to work on in the

future. Probably shouldn't be sending this but I just wanted you to know. I have already deleted your phone number so i have no way of contacting you, but if you ever re-think and are willing to give me a chance you always know where to find me and have my number. It doesn't matter if it was tomorrow, next month or next year. The answer from me would always be yes. Thank-you for all the fun times we had together and the way you made me feel, its something I will never forget. I truly wish you the best in life and I hope you are happy All the best ange, love brendo

 

 

And she sent back this :

 

I just cried and cried and cried

I'll miss you brendo

Love always, ange

 

Ps I'm sorry

 

I am absolutely gutted. I've never been so upset in my life. Just feel like I want to ball my eyes out. She's gone out of my life forever

[Christian S]

Sorry to hear that, I know how you feel bro. Hey, stay strong and keep yourself occupied and stay positive. I know right now you maybe don't want to hear it, but the next girl you get with will make you forget all of this and you'll look back and smile and feel good about yourself in the way you dealt with this. It'll only make you stronger and gain knowledge for the future

[cert4]

Cheers man

 

I know deep down I am doing the right thing. Still doesnt help the fact it feels like crap. Still look at my phone all day hoping i get a call saying shes made a mistake but I know there is next to no chance of that happening now. I just need to let go and move on. Easier said then done though