getting hit

[murrayfaces]

Just a question for those who have ever been abused:

 

Do you ever try and forget all of those moments of pain, where you've had all of your rights as a human taken from you. But, when you try and forget those moments, you attach them to someone you once loved. Do you try and forget the moments cowering in corners, or wishing he never laid his hands on you, and romanticize it?

 

Do you still see someone who loved you, and pretend you never felt the abuse? Just recently, I pretend that I don't remember those things, and fantasize about someone who would never do that to me. But then I remember, the last night we ever had in our house, when he hit me so hard that it could have been the end. And the only contact since then was to remind me that I deserved ever bit of it.

 

Did I, or didn't I? What the hell happened in my past to make me think this was OK?

[k33]

Hi,

I've never posted to a forum of any sort. But I have been hit. Many times, by a two different men. If you met me you'd never suspect. Yeah you do try to forget it and go on and see the good person underneath. But really there is never an excuse. It kills you.

 

There is a sick side where it is "exciting" but a little too exciting, if you know what I mean.

 

I was married to an abusive man, no one would ever know it to see us or anything but he smacked me around a fair bit, and if he didn't he threatened. Sweet.

 

Now I am married again, to a man I really thought was the one, and he just left me today. But pushed me over before he left. I know I deserve better. But you know sometimes I do believe it is my fault.

 

It surprises me that these men both think that they didn't do anything wrong. They were provoked, you know by saying, something, anything they didn't like. So it is my fault that someone twice my size can't cool off. Sure I can provoke people, but still it is never deserved. The real question is what happened to society that men think it is ok to hit, kick or verbally abuse. (I know women do it too, but this is just my experience.)

 

I wonder what I did to deserve it all the time. I am a good person, and kind, but I think you and I may just have really bad taste in partners.

 

Repeat after me, "It's not our fault and we can't fix them"

 

Stay strong.

[QTpie87]

yup same here...

i stopped forgiveing them and started hating them though....its my dad and my step dad...plus 5 or 6 of my moms old bf's one who actually tried to kill me when i was 6...but hes dead now...

i am 16 turing 17 and i know how it feels ...really.it sucks..

if you ever wanna talk pm me...ok...same goes for anyone who reads this post.

bye,

Qtpie87

[tough_girl]

Well, I used to be hit by father last time when I was small. I don't know if I infuriate him or anything but it happened a lot last time. But now as I grow up, he stopped hitting me and i guess I can accept him now.

 

What I am trying to say here is not to submit ourselves to what other people inflict on us. What I am I trying to say IS that we should learn how to forgive if that someone learns how to stop.

 

If he/she doesn't, then it's time to get help. Talk to somebody close and maybe make a report if the abuse is bad enough. If you are staying with the abuser, then I suggest you move out and live with someone else.

 

I hope this has helped and I pray you be strong. All the violence that has happened to you is not your fault! Do not believe that it is. Get help if you need it. There are some organisations that can help u.

[sisterlynch]

I bet that you grew up in a house that saw abuse as ok either physical, sexual or spiritual. I bet you had parents that didn't know proper boundaries and didn't stop any small forms of abuse.

 

I bet your parents didn't give you the love that you feel that you deserved.

 

You probably have a built in tendendcy that over-reacts to pressure, takes longer to recover.

 

You need to learn to feel your feelings once again, feel grief, learn to tolerate stress little by little.

 

Your perceptions are accurate, you need to act on your impulses, don't hold yourself back from trying out new experiences.

[ComputerGuy]

When I was brought up, if we played up, we got a smack. It sucked at the time, got the message accross and we learnt. Works for me, I have no resentment for it, in fact I'm glad I was brought up this way, it kept me out of trouble.

 

I have never and will never hit a woman, and no matter how much a woman does, they never deserve to be hit. If they swing at you, by all means, restrain them but never try to hurt them, it's wrong.

[johnagent1911]

I don't ever forgive anyone that does anything wrong to me... (When dealing with something serious like this.)

 

I don't feel I should have to. I stop talking to my "parents" and started on my own. I'm doing great, better than I ever did living with them when I was younger.

 

There is no excuse for abusing someone. Not in my book anyhow.

 

-1911

[Jamiegirl]

I have never been hit by my man but I was abused as a child. I can tell you that most everyone that has been abused usually falls into a relationship with someone that is abusive or has also been abused in the past. It sounds like the cycle need to be broken there are signs Im sure of someone that is abusive, Although I dont know them but if you have been with people that are abusive then you should beable to see the signs from the get go.

 

ANyways I hope I make sense.

[murrayfaces]

Ironically, I used to tell myself that I didn't see any violence/abuse growing up, but I guess I did. Sure, we were physically disciplined when we acted up, but I guess we(my brothers and I) just didn't get in trouble alot. It was really only spankings, only occasionally to the face. But, I have to say it kept us out of trouble.

 

That said, my parents did divorce when I was in elem. school, and there was a fair share of hostility involved. Then, my Mom remarried someone with serious emotional problems, and spent the next 10+ years in often violent rages and situations.

 

I've never been in any other relationship(male or female) where I would have ever thought being abused was OK. In fact, I used to scoff at people I knew who got stuck in abusive relationships. But, now being on the other end, I see how hard it is to deal with, and how unfair it is to judge from the outside(like any situation). I don't think people want to deal with man-on-man violence in relationships, probably because much of the population doesn't want to think about these types of relationships. But, they happen, alot, and I was just shocked as anyone to have to not only tell my family/friends about my relationship with him, but that he was no only physically violent toward, but also toward other people. Basically, I think his violence stems from his repressed sexuality, and he lashes out through violence, hoping I'd never talk about us. Too bad....it's hard to not to talk when someone knocks you s**t out of you, steals your car, and destroys your home. Can't hide that one.

 

Thanks to everyone who has responded though. Abuse of any kind is not tolerable, under any circumstance. And we have to remember, this is something I read on another website, everyone can be an abuser, in any kind of relationship....men, women, christians, jews, poor, rich, educated, it doesn't matter. Anyone in a relationship with someone else, family or otherwise, can be abused, or even the abuser.

 

Has anyone had any success with therapy for this?

[k33]

Amen brother.

 

I know it's hard to see it when you are in it. I too laughed at people who stayed with the abuser. Oh but I stayed, put my life in jeopardy and almost lost my self esteem in the process.

 

People don't want to talk about same sex abuse because they don't want to talk about it at all, and I guess people think that if two guys are fighting physically it's just "boys being boys". Still doesn't make it right.

 

If you decide to leave you will be ok, and you will meet someone else, and hopefully it will be better and different.

 

Keep talking though, don't bottle it up. People can never believe that it happens next door, even though something like 1 in 2 or 1 in 3 people have been abused in their lifetimes. Thems pretty big numbers!

 

Take care.

k33

[murrayfaces]

Actually K33,

I finally had to get the courage to kick him out. That was over 3 months ago. Sadly enough, I probably wouldn't have ever done it, except that I caught him in bed with someone else, in the room next to where I was sleeping. Then, he tried to bring her back to our house two nights later, and when I insisted he return my car, and get her the hell out of our house, he knocked the crap out of my, disappeared in the car, and punched a nice huge hole into the wall. Actually, I think he may have thrown me into that wall, but I'm not sure. All of this, after supporting his sorry a**, letting him do nothing for the last year+, feeling bad when I would wake him up at noon, when I'd been at work since 7, leaving him money every morning. ARGH!

 

Since then, only once did I let him into my house. And guess what, he tried to strangle me when I wanted to talk. So, no more of that. Luckily, I am safe today, got my car back, and am putting back together the pieces of my life. Regaining my self-esteem has been super-hard, but I'm working on it. Boys will be boys, but some boys are just truly nasty, crappy humans, who don't have that part of their brain which tells them that abusing other humans isn't OK.

 

I'm also glad you got out K33. We all have to, eventually, or there's another alternative, and I think all of us who have gotten out know what that other horrible circumstance could be.

BTW, Thanks for sharing with me, everyone.

[k33]

My god that is horrible! I am so glad you are putting it back together. It sloooowly escalates doesn't it. Starts out as a slap. Which you can talk yourself out of, then gets to be more often and more often to the point that you end up expecting it and thinking it is normal. My abusive ex was so normal when he wasn't abusive, I thought I must have made it up. I never ended up in the hospital and he was good at not bruising... I still felt horrible. Strangled, punched, spit on, kicked, slapped, thrown into walls, you name it. I was there.

 

Murrayfaces, I virtually pinksy swear with you that neither of us will ever put up with any of that ever again. EVER. Give me your pinky...

 

Take care of you. Much love.

k33