language barrier

[italia89]

I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 months and he is very sweet and supportive. He's a great guy. He is 10 years older, which I was hesitant about, but am ok with now. My main thing is that English is his second language and it can be frustrating because of miscommunication caused by misinterpreting what the other person really means. He's been in the US for about 11 years and it has taken him a long time to learn English. He knows most of it, though at times really struggles with some vocabulary. How can I push him to study more English without seeming condescending? I want this relationship to work, but it's been really frustrating at times. Any ideas or thoughts on this?

[agent1607307371]

Have you thought about learning his language?

 

Tbh, if he's been in the country 11 years and been slow to learn it, maybe he just struggles with learning language.

[digger11]

11 years he should be fluent. they say it takes 5-7. just talking with him and being patient will help. encourage him to ask questions... and consider learning italian.

[italia89]

I know some Spanish, but he doesn't want me to learn it. He just wants to know English. I really wish my parents had taught me Italian as a child, since they both speak it, but I only know English and a little bit of Spanish. My boyfriend is quick at learning other things and picks it up fast, but can't seem to get his English down. I want to help him, but he gets shy/embarrassed when he messes up a lot. I always tell him not to worry about it and we'll keep working on it, though I don't feel as if we've made much progress.

[Sparkly Eyes]

I know some Spanish, but he doesn't want me to learn it. He just wants to know English. I really wish my parents had taught me Italian as a child, since they both speak it, but I only know English and a little bit of Spanish. My boyfriend is quick at learning other things and picks it up fast, but can't seem to get his English down. I want to help him, but he gets shy/embarrassed when he messes up a lot. I always tell him not to worry about it and we'll keep working on it, though I don't feel as if we've made much progress.

 

I feel for the guy. It's a little embarrassing when you make mistakes in a new language. I honestly think it's for the best that you won't be his English tutor. I wouldn't be comfortable with that if I were him. I think he should just study by himself, go to classes and find other english speaker friends who might want to help him.

[Daligal83]

He's not going to make some sudden progress in 2 months. You haven't been together that long. I'd say continue being patient with him. If he makes you happy and treats you well, that's much more important than the occasional miscommunication. My best friend lived in two countries before coming to the US and I remember when we first met (we were 11), I was always having to explain certain expressions to her. It just takes time. I'm sure he's just as frustrated, if not more, and a little embarrassed.

[quirky]

Yes I agree with worriedgirl. Usually there's something like Italian embassy or a cultural centre in every country where the classes are not that expensive. I've been in your boyfriend's position though mostly it was me feeling frustrated not my partners. Sometimes I'd say something in English then take time to translate it and think "omg, I would never phrase it like that in my mother tongue". Very annoying and limiting. I was also gonna say that slang and light banter that could for example diffuse an argument, is something that will take a very long time to conquer/master.

[italia89]

I had the idea that maybe we could teach each other the languages. He'd help me with Spanish and I can help him with English. We both get frustrated with the language, though I think he has more patience than I do. He's taken a number of ESL classes and isn't too bad with his English, but he'll say some things and I have no idea what he means by it or think he meant something completely different than what he was trying to say. It's just hard at times and I worry that my family will judge him.

 

I still want to learn Spanish, since then I could be able to communicate with his family, his parents and one of his sisters do not speak any English. Though his brother and other sister speak English fluently, but they were here at a younger age, so it was easier for them to pick up the new language.