sunday2010 Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 dumb question.... but is all this what will be will be , if you're meant to be together you will be for real?How do some people get back together?There wa s a celebrity here where I live in australia a few years back who was 35 yrs old broke up with her long term boyfriend, it was a whole year that went by he accidently sat on his mobile phone and dialled through to her mobile and POOF they ended up back together and are now married with a baby. Do these kind of things happen to everyday people???? If people somehow are meant to be , somebody has to make the first move and who is that? somebody has to say how they feel, I just find it very mysterious.Those stories of course are few and far between but it does happen doesn't it? Link to comment
darkblue Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 I think you're clutching at straws. If something like that did happen, then it probably isn't due to someone setting it up to look coincidental. It's generally best to stick to the principles of why NC is good for recovery. It allows you to work on yourself individually and rid yourself of the feeling that you were existing as a two-persona entity. You can't recover from a previous relationship by hoping to get back together. Link to comment
Live-N-Learn Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 I deleted and added SuperDave's answer below. Link to comment
Live-N-Learn Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 SuperDave said this. When do MOST ex’s attempt to come back? Some may be skeptical about my methods but let’s put in another way. When do MOST ex’s attempt to come back? Typically there are TWO answers. This is not to say there aren’t a million others but these tend to be in the top 5. 1. When they feel you have moved on and you have stopped all communication. 2. You are involved with someone else. Why is this? Why would someone come back after you have taken the time for yourself and start to heal? This is easy…it’s because YOU TOOK YOUR POWER BACK. You are not in charge of YOU instead of giving them THAT control over you. No one wants to feel replaced. I mean really, who wants to think there is someone better than you? Who wants to hear that your ex is MUCH happier with the new person?! I know I didn’t but I was looking at the situation AS BEING replaced instead of what it was Link to comment
Cadence44 Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 1. When they feel you have moved on and you have stopped all communication. 2. You are involved with someone else. Just to expand on what Live-N-Learn said, both of these relate to the fact that you've truly moved on and your ex realizes that they may lose you forever. Both of these may cause your ex to panic and try to get you back. At that point, it's up to you to determine if they are doing this because they truly want you, or if it's because they just want you back as their security blanket and ego-builder. Don't go getting involved with someone else just to lure your ex back. That wouldn't be fair to the new person, nor to yourself. Get yourself truly to the point where you are healed enough to be interested in a new person for who they are, not just as someone who can fill the void in your life. Definitely don't do it just to make your ex jealous. Link to comment
sunday2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Author Share Posted June 21, 2010 I think you're clutching at straws. If something like that did happen, then it probably isn't due to someone setting it up to look coincidental. It's generally best to stick to the principles of why NC is good for recovery. It allows you to work on yourself individually and rid yourself of the feeling that you were existing as a two-persona entity. You can't recover from a previous relationship by hoping to get back together. I'm not really clutching at at straws I just hear these stories sometimes and you just think how the hell doe sthis happen? Link to comment
Lonewulv Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 All I know is, that when you appear to have moved on, thats the MOST LIKELY chance your ex will make an attempt to reach. Its happened to me. Girl leaves me for another guy, 5 months later comes back, begging and crying, saying it was the biggest mistake they ever made. Luckily at that point I had moved on. But she came back, and at a time when i seemed to be out of reach. Make yourself "out of reach". Thats the best chance you've got. Link to comment
sunday2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Author Share Posted June 21, 2010 All I know is, that when you appear to have moved on, thats the MOST LIKELY chance your ex will make an attempt to reach. Its happened to me. Girl leaves me for another guy, 5 months later comes back, begging and crying, saying it was the biggest mistake they ever made. Luckily at that point I had moved on. But she came back, and at a time when i seemed to be out of reach. Make yourself "out of reach". Thats the best chance you've got. shall do....But not holding onto anything Link to comment
FootofGod Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 shall do....But not holding onto anything Honestly I think that's the whole point. Link to comment
taylorhill Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 To get back together...There are usually two types of people involved with a breakup. dumper and dumpee. The dumper, or person who broke things off originally needs to realize they made a mistake. Once they do, the dumper will need to explain to the dumpee why the breakup occurred and what they are doing differently. If the dumpee decides they do not want the dumper back in their life, the roles are now reversed. The original dumper now becomes a dumpee, and the original dumpee becomes the dumper. It can get confusing but that's how i see it. Link to comment
sunday2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Author Share Posted June 21, 2010 To get back together...There are usually two types of people involved with a breakup. dumper and dumpee. The dumper, or person who broke things off originally needs to realize they made a mistake. Once they do, the dumper will need to explain to the dumpee why the breakup occurred and what they are doing differently. If the dumpee decides they do not want the dumper back in their life, the roles are now reversed. The original dumper now becomes a dumpee, and the original dumpee becomes the dumper. It can get confusing but that's how i see it. How do they realize? see you with the hot new guy.i dunno I'm just putting it out there.I mean for a relatinship to make 4 years there was some good points.else it woudln't of gotten there.my ex won't see that because I can't even get a date let alone a second date, and hes now 3 hours away.what makes the dumper realize.I'd be interested to hear stories or examples.I'm just curious as I hear fo people like celebrities getting back with ex's at times. Link to comment
Lonewulv Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Well... comparing celebrities to your average joe isn't very realistic. Celebrities also get married after having known each other for less than 24 hours, then divorce the next day... Honestly, just go out, have a good time. Meet new guys, take lots of pictures. Act okay with the breakup, and remain "out of reach". Once you start to seem like a prize in others eyes, thats usually when the dumper starts to realize what they've lost. You truly don't know what you've got'till its gone... Link to comment
sunday2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Author Share Posted June 22, 2010 Well... comparing celebrities to your average joe isn't very realistic. Celebrities also get married after having known each other for less than 24 hours, then divorce the next day... Honestly, just go out, have a good time. Meet new guys, take lots of pictures. Act okay with the breakup, and remain "out of reach". Once you start to seem like a prize in others eyes, thats usually when the dumper starts to realize what they've lost. You truly don't know what you've got'till its gone... Yeah but my ex is three hours away interstate he won't know if I am dating other people.We aren't in contact how do I make him see guys are interested in me? I know it sounds silly but as far as hes concerned I'm dead and don;t exist, its like I was never in his life.Sure celebritie are different.maybe I'm stupid but how on earth will he realise what hes lost!!!!!!!???????????? Anybody just answer me I just clearly don't understand Any advice welcome!!! how does he see the pictures?? he doesn't do facebook.any other ways of making him see I've moved on. Link to comment
jimmajam Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Yeah but my ex is three hours away interstate he won't know if I am dating other people.We aren't in contact how do I make him see guys are interested in me? I know it sounds silly but as far as hes concerned I'm dead and don;t exist, its like I was never in his life.Sure celebritie are different.maybe I'm stupid but how on earth will he realise what hes lost!!!!!!!???????????? Anybody just answer me I just clearly don't understand Any advice welcome!!! how does he see the pictures?? he doesn't do facebook.any other ways of making him see I've moved on. Just do you thing and if he ever happens to reach out or come snooping around he'll see your new life. On the other hand, you will soon get to a point where you don't care if he sees what you're up to or not. That's when the healing begins. Stop worrying - there is nothing you can do. If he wants to come back he will and if you have moved on and healed he will see it and you'll get the affect discussed here. Link to comment
soul12 Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Yeah but my ex is three hours away interstate he won't know if I am dating other people.We aren't in contact how do I make him see guys are interested in me? I know it sounds silly but as far as hes concerned I'm dead and don;t exist, its like I was never in his life.Sure celebritie are different.maybe I'm stupid but how on earth will he realise what hes lost!!!!!!!???????????? Anybody just answer me I just clearly don't understand Any advice welcome!!! how does he see the pictures?? he doesn't do facebook.any other ways of making him see I've moved on. I understand he may not use Facebook, but my ex is about four hours away, when I met up with her, she was telling me how she showed her mother my pix from FB. I was like * * * !? TRUST ME they'll get resourceful. BTW she isn't even my friend on FB so as to how she went snooping through pix is beyond me. What I am learning is just be still and relax. If it was true love they will be back! I was a dumper a LONG time ago and I still think of my old ex, and how I would have given her a second chance. I eventually got over her though obviously. Just relax though, you'll be fine I promise Link to comment
sunday2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Author Share Posted June 22, 2010 Thanks..But i doubt he will he coudl care less that I'm alive I woudl say.Not one word for 6 weeks come on this guy has fogotten me and is basically blocking me out of his memory.Not even a phone call to see if I'm okay! He lives in a little ole country town in australia and I'm in a big city 3 hrs away.he said he hated facebook and from what I know he doesn't have an account and won't have one.I doubt he will even go to the trouble of getting resourceful, why woudl he bother if he hasn't even called once in 6 weeks to see if I'm ok.I haven't sent any emails of late etc or any contact but I doubt even as I've stopped he'll even try and reach out.It just looks hopeless.... I listen to all these theorys but for some reason I Can't see him doing any of these behaviours.He never went to any trouble whne we were seeing eiach other, so he'd go to no trouble when we're broken up which is what I'v eseen so far.YOU don't exist... you never did and I will never contact you again. Link to comment
soul12 Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Most people that I have seen get back in touch with exes happens 6 months to years. As you can see 6 weeks is nothing. But like YOU said he wont ever call you or try to get in touch so.....move on. You seem like a nice person and definitely deserve someone better if what everything you are saying is true. From what you are saying why WOULD you even care whether he contacts you are not. Again, I have been a dumper before. I dumped a girl I didn't even care much for at the time and I still think about her every so often. If he even cared about you the slightest he IS going to thinking of you. If/When he gets in touch with you, make sure to be and look your best. You can only do that by moving on from all of this now. My best wishes goes out to you. Link to comment
sunday2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Author Share Posted June 23, 2010 Yes indeed.yeah I am a great person I wish he woudl of realised that.I do care because I do still love him I have no idea why but my feelings can't be shut off like a lightswitch like the unhuman person he is.for him to not even see if I'm ok not 2 but not even 6 weeks later and to not of responded to a few letters well you know to me hes not human. Link to comment
JoshHimself Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Yes indeed.yeah I am a great person I wish he woudl of realised that.I do care because I do still love him I have no idea why but my feelings can't be shut off like a lightswitch like the unhuman person he is.for him to not even see if I'm ok not 2 but not even 6 weeks later and to not of responded to a few letters well you know to me hes not human. I think its time to move on, I mean if Im in your position that far down the road, Id just stop. I mean I've pretty much done that now. We all want our ex's to think about us. And they do. Its human nature, the smallest little things even remind them too. Its hard to be heart broken, I dont wish it on anyone. Its like being addicted to something and you cant get your fix. But you will find someone that loves you the way you love this person, and maybe from your expirence you can learn and make the next one better. It's not how many times you get knocked down, its how many times you pick yourself up. Link to comment
soul12 Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 I think its time to move on, I mean if Im in your position that far down the road, Id just stop. I mean I've pretty much done that now. We all want our ex's to think about us. And they do. Its human nature, the smallest little things even remind them too. Its hard to be heart broken, I dont wish it on anyone. Its like being addicted to something and you cant get your fix. But you will find someone that loves you the way you love this person, and maybe from your expirence you can learn and make the next one better. It's not how many times you get knocked down, its how many times you pick yourself up. I am so with you Josh. As much as I want my ex back I've come to realize that its just, as she so kindly put it to me, "Done!" and "that she just doesn't have feelings for me anymore". (Ouch, I know) From being on this forum though I noticed that a lot of the people here are actually quite decent. We ALL deserve better and even more, HAPPINESS. Again, Sunday you sound like an awesome person. Maybe he'll miss you maybe not. If you really want the answers to all the questions your heart desires, then move on! I hear that all of this is normally easier for women anyway because guys are MORE likely to change their minds and I am starting to believe that myself Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.