i feel stupid and set back now...

[mattguy]

So i feel silly because i had this posting the other week where i said how great im doing and how there is light at the end of the tunnel ect ect.... THOUGHT i was almost over everything

 

then last night I went on my plenty of fish account and i noticed my ex deleted his account.... then I asked someone to check his facebook for me ( I KNOW I KNOW BAD IDEA but i couldnt sleep bc i was over thinking.) his status has chanced to IN A RELATIONSHIP.... i literally felt like i was going to throw up. I dont understand how this can hit me so hard. I think i know who hes seeing now because the guy he was hangingout with lately deleted HIS POF account also.

 

I just feel so left behind here. Ive been out on dates and havent been able to meet anyone, I still think about him but now i feel like I felt 3 months ago. Im so sad and its the first time ive cried over him in a long time,

 

I cant get the thoughts of them together out of my head. wondering if their sex is as good, if they cuddle all night in bed together, if they cook for eachohter ect ect...

 

how can i move forwards....

 

i mean, this had to happen eventually I guess but wow it hurts more than I thought it would....

[biggerheart]

You were on the same dating site as your ex and keeping track of him? You were not as far along as you thought. Use the site to find dates for you.

[iBroken]

Here is the good news. Now that you got that over and done with, you can move on! LOL

 

Just give it time, use stop thought techniques. Dont worry about whether or not they last, have good sex, cuddle etc.

 

I'm 12 days post break up with my partner of 3.5years.........I wonder at times if she is already with someone else (cause she is incapable of being alone and rebounds like no tomorrow)......but when these thoughts start to creep up on me, I tell myself "Who cares"......If my ex is seeing someone else? She becomes their problems...and they will end up heartbroken and put through her wrath of incessant drama.

 

You just need to remember why you guys are not together and then imagine the new guy dealing with those very same issues.

[mattguy]

wow ibroken i dont know how youre doing so well. i guess youre relationship fizzled out? mine didnt feel like it was anywhere near being done which was what made it so hard. ive come a long way but this is kinda a kick to my ego. i have a date tomororw , at least im getting out there. i am ready to find someone but not 100% over then ex. is that a bad combo?

[iBroken]

Matt, this is my 4th breakup in 3.5 years LOL.....It definitely didnt fizzle out.

 

I just realized that after this time, I wasnt going to beat myself up over stuff that was out of my control. I can read my ex like a book. I know how she will react to a life without me. But its out of my control. I cant control what she does. I can only control how I react.

 

So this time around, Ive been around this block before and I wont let her get me down.

Dont get me wrong - I have my ups and downs (see my journal). I am riding the lows out and enjoying the highs.

 

As for not being over your ex and dating. As long as they know your situation, I see no harm in it.

 

Its all about you right now

As someone else wrote in another forum, dont write checks your heart cant cash.

[FootofGod]

wow ibroken i dont know how youre doing so well. i guess youre relationship fizzled out? mine didnt feel like it was anywhere near being done which was what made it so hard. ive come a long way but this is kinda a kick to my ego. i have a date tomororw , at least im getting out there. i am ready to find someone but not 100% over then ex. is that a bad combo?

 

Well, I can tell you coming from a girl who was my absolute best friend in the world - one of maybe a few people I could spend any amount of time with - that it's sort of irrelevant. When she ended the relationship, it felt to me like it was miles from being done. Of course I wanted to cling on to anything I could at first, and she wanted to still be close to me, because I also was her best friend, but I had to go cold turkey right there. It's tough, but I can't just have leftovers, and it's silly pretending our "friendship" could be the same after all the pain of leaving me flat after developing feelings for another guy. To her, she "fell out of love," to me, it's more than obvious that we had exited the honeymoon phase, and even though things were still good, she started chasing that rush again and found it.

 

It's the hardest thing I had to do, dropping my best friend, but it's what you have to do.

[hellohello1]

im so sorry to hear that. that must hurt bad. i know it doesnt make you feel better, but at least you know that you need to move on.

[TurtleDove12]

I've been dealing with the jealous thoughts too.

 

So right now, I'm forcing myself to say this:

 

My ex has and will probably find someone new.

 

My ex has and will sleep with new people.

 

My ex might get married and live a happy life...sans me.

 

And it sucks. But admitting to it and trying to deal with it has helped me a little.

[Cheetarah]

I've been dealing with the jealous thoughts too.

 

So right now, I'm forcing myself to say this:

 

My ex has and will probably find someone new.

 

My ex has and will sleep with new people.

 

My ex might get married and live a happy life...sans me.

 

And it sucks. But admitting to it and trying to deal with it has helped me a little.

 

You know, this really does work. It's mortifying at first and makes you want to throw up, but after awhile you've conditioned your mind to it that you're sorta like "So be it".

 

When my ex-ex and I split I made myself believe he latched onto someone new(I'm sure he did, seeing as he was BPD and all). Maybe it seems like sick thinking, I don't know - But it was better to prepare myself for that then so when later on, I found he WAS with someone else, I was like...Oh, well I already knew this.

[iBroken]

BPD is the worst! My ex has it

[mattguy]

what is BPD?

[TurtleDove12]

what is BPD?

 

Bi polar disorder.

[Cheetarah]

Bi polar disorder.

 

I was referring to Borderline Personality Disorder in my instance, to clarify.

 

link removed

[iBroken]

As was I lol....

 

but before she had this diagnosis, I was sure she was bipolar LOL

[TurtleDove12]

Whoops, sorry. My brother has bi-polar disorder, that's why I thought that was being discussed.

[Cheetarah]

As was I lol....

 

but before she had this diagnosis, I was sure she was bipolar LOL

 

Not surprising, I've heard of a lot of those with BPD originally being diagnosed as Bipolar first. They also seem to be co-diagnosed(is that a word? I don't even know if that's the word I want) iBroken, feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it at all.

 

Sorry for the BPD hijack! Mattguy, I hope you can curb those fb urges. It's helpful to me if you look at it as a bad food craving. Like, I love oreo cookies. More than one should love them. If I eat one while I'm craving them really bad, I won't stop. So I don't keep them in the house. When I went through a split, I once blocked myself from visiting fb. It's not like it was a hassle to quickly change it, but it gave me a couple extra moments to think if I REALLY wanted to look.

[incaangelique]

I really hate your ex mattguy. You and I got dumped and started posting here around the same time, so I know all the things he's done to you. I wish you could see your ex through my eyes. I wish I could see my ex through the eyes of others. We are both in love with really selfish people who use others.

[orillia]

Add me to that list.

 

And I sometimes wonder if my ex was BPD.

 

When he got drunk, he was a total cow to me. Mean and cruel. But when I gave him an ultimatum--me or alcohol--he chose alcohol.

 

I found out this wknd he set up a dating profile only 11 days after we broke up. And during that time, he was trying to get me to take him back. Pretty slimy.

 

I really hate your ex mattguy. You and I got dumped and started posting here around the same time, so I know all the things he's done to you. I wish you could see your ex through my eyes. I wish I could see my ex through the eyes of others. We are both in love with really selfish people who use others.