Dreams Suck

[TurtleDove12]

Hi guys. For those that don't know me, my fiance cheated on me and dumped me, and then I went NC after we exchanged very kind good bye letters and I've been up and down since then.

 

Last night I dreamt about her the entire night. Strange dream. But it was all of my feelings of jealousy. In this dream I was running into guys that she was with, and she was ignoring me (I guess we were still together in this dream) and treating me like I didn't exist.

 

And there were massive spiders and wasps. Random.

 

But anyway, I hate having these dreams...they bring up everything I don't want to think about. Any interpretations, solutions, thoughts?

[iBroken]

Given the context of your dreams, spiders and wasps were not random.

 

Wasp

To see a wasp in you dream, signifies evil, anger and negative feelings. The wasp may also represent someone who is a WASP or White Anglo-Saxon Protestant. Perhaps you are dealing with some aspects of society or politics.

 

To dream that you are stung by a wasp, symbolizes growing envy and hatred towards you.

 

To dream that you kill a wasp, signifies your fearlessness to ward off your enemies and maintain your ethics and rights.

 

To see a spider in your dream, indicates that you are feeling like an outsider in some situation. Or perhaps you want to keep your distance and stay away from an alluring and tempting situation. The spider is also symbolic of feminine power or an overbearing mother figure in your life.

[TurtleDove12]

Given the context of your dreams, spiders and wasps were not random.

 

Very interesting stuff. They didn't seem to be the focal point of my dream, but fear and anger were definitely the two biggest things I felt in this dream. And also, the wasps and spiders were HUGE! Scary stuff.

 

And of course, that dream is making me feel like * * * * right now. Feelings of loss and jealousy are back.

 

God I hope I don't have these dreams everynight.

[iBroken]

Dont think about your ex at bed time.

 

That usually reduces the number of times I dream about her, or limits her appearance in my dreams.

 

Like last night she was in my dream briefly. But it was a quick in and out appearance.

[doiiiieeezie]

Those dreams happen, in fact I had one the past few nights that are about my last ex combined with my HS/College ex morphed into one..... try not to think about her before you go to bed. And if you do have a dream about her, write your thoughts down... I know that it helped me some over time.

 

Here's hoping that you have a better nights sleep tonight.

[Im Steph]

I had a dream recently in which my ex and I were together, we were in bed together but he was ignoring me and seemed to want nothing to do with me. I was upset in the dream. Usually, you wake up and think, oh, it's just a dream. Not nice when you wake up and reality doesn't feel like a relief. I guess it's part of the healing process, we are still working through a lot of stuff and it doesn't stop when we're sleeping.

 

But also, I remember sometime in the last year, I had a dream about a boyfriend from high school, 10+ years ago. It was powerful enough to make me try to find out where he is and what he's doing, but not to contact him. I see him on Facebook with a baby in his photo, but we aren't friends. Of course, I really have no feelings for him and haven't even seen him in 10 years, but people really stay in your thoughts for a long time. Not sure if that's comforting though, because my recent ex was so much more to me and can imagine never getting over him.

[TurtleDove12]

Dont think about your ex at bed time.

 

That usually reduces the number of times I dream about her, or limits her appearance in my dreams.

 

Like last night she was in my dream briefly. But it was a quick in and out appearance.

 

I will try!

 

Those dreams happen, in fact I had one the past few nights that are about my last ex combined with my HS/College ex morphed into one..... try not to think about her before you go to bed. And if you do have a dream about her, write your thoughts down... I know that it helped me some over time.

 

Here's hoping that you have a better nights sleep tonight.

 

Thanks, I hope so too.

 

I had a dream recently in which my ex and I were together, we were in bed together but he was ignoring me and seemed to want nothing to do with me. I was upset in the dream. Usually, you wake up and think, oh, it's just a dream. Not nice when you wake up and reality doesn't feel like a relief. I guess it's part of the healing process, we are still working through a lot of stuff and it doesn't stop when we're sleeping.

 

But also, I remember sometime in the last year, I had a dream about a boyfriend from high school, 10+ years ago. It was powerful enough to make me try to find out where he is and what he's doing, but not to contact him. I see him on Facebook with a baby in his photo, but we aren't friends. Of course, I really have no feelings for him and haven't even seen him in 10 years, but people really stay in your thoughts for a long time. Not sure if that's comforting though, because my recent ex was so much more to me and can imagine never getting over him.

 

That sounds intense. Dreams are quite powerful...for example, I was happy yesterday, went to a friends birthday party and had a great time...then this dream happens last night and I'm sad today. Hopefully I can make these dreams stop. But for me, it's like quitting smoking. No matter what I do, I always have dreams where I'm smoking.

 

I'm close to selling the engagement ring. But that alone has been really difficult. Thinking about that has been very difficult for me. I also checked my link removed account...transactions from two years ago, and I saw all of the books and jewelry that I bought for her...so hard right now.

[DeenasRhino]

Try to think about other people before you go to sleep. Think about your friends. Try to plan things to do or places to go with friends so you have something to look forward to.

[TurtleDove12]

Try to think about other people before you go to sleep. Think about your friends. Try to plan things to do or places to go with friends so you have something to look forward to.

 

Yeah, I'm trying. Tough times in the life.

[Im Steph]

I will try!

 

 

 

Thanks, I hope so too.

 

 

 

That sounds intense. Dreams are quite powerful...for example, I was happy yesterday, went to a friends birthday party and had a great time...then this dream happens last night and I'm sad today. Hopefully I can make these dreams stop. But for me, it's like quitting smoking. No matter what I do, I always have dreams where I'm smoking.

 

I'm close to selling the engagement ring. But that alone has been really difficult. Thinking about that has been very difficult for me. I also checked my link removed account...transactions from two years ago, and I saw all of the books and jewelry that I bought for her...so hard right now.

 

 

You know, maybe you don't have to force yourself to deal with the selling the ring yet, it's still so raw. If you don't need the money right away, you could put it away for awhile, and come back to it when it's a little easier to deal with. Or perhaps dealing with it now is good too, then it's done with and you can move on from that part of it. And do something nice for yourself with the money.

 

I know what you mean about looking back at memories like the things you bought her. Some would say you're torturing yourself, but I also look back at old emails, conversations we've had, etc. I don't know why because obviously it hurts to do that. I have been able to mostly stop doing that, but the thoughts and dreams are not as easy to control.

[TurtleDove12]

You know, maybe you don't have to force yourself to deal with the selling the ring yet, it's still so raw. If you don't need the money right away, you could put it away for awhile, and come back to it when it's a little easier to deal with. Or perhaps dealing with it now is good too, then it's done with and you can move on from that part of it. And do something nice for yourself with the money.

 

I know what you mean about looking back at memories like the things you bought her. Some would say you're torturing yourself, but I also look back at old emails, conversations we've had, etc. I don't know why because obviously it hurts to do that. I have been able to mostly stop doing that, but the thoughts and dreams are not as easy to control.

 

Yeah, undecided on selling the ring at this point...at least the "when" is undecided.

 

I actually think it is torture, so I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to look at pictures or emails or link removed purchases because it's completely counterproductive. As you said, dreams/thoughts are at least somewhat out of our control, so I'm going to take care of the things that I can control and hope for the best.

 

But it sucks!

[Im Steph]

Hey, just wanted to tell you I had another dream last night too. I was on vacation with my ex I think, and maybe a group of people. I was looking everywhere for him, but I couldn't find him. Eventually, I found him outside in a hot tub with some girl. He just looked at me like he expected to see me, and said something like "I knew this would happen at some point" or maybe "I knew you would be upset to see this." But then the girl was saying how nice my boyfriend was and then I was afraid maybe there wasn't anything going on and I was just being paranoid.

 

We had gone a couple short ski trips this last winter, and I guess that was part of the dream. I miss him.

[TurtleDove12]

Hey, just wanted to tell you I had another dream last night too. I was on vacation with my ex I think, and maybe a group of people. I was looking everywhere for him, but I couldn't find him. Eventually, I found him outside in a hot tub with some girl. He just looked at me like he expected to see me, and said something like "I knew this would happen at some point" or maybe "I knew you would be upset to see this." But then the girl was saying how nice my boyfriend was and then I was afraid maybe there wasn't anything going on and I was just being paranoid.

 

We had gone a couple short ski trips this last winter, and I guess that was part of the dream. I miss him.

 

These dreams...they're killer.

 

I had a dream that her father sent me an email...a very random email that said something along the lines of "not for nothing, but 'Sara" is very happy and is bringing home new guys all the time."

 

I think this is due to the fact that I've been forcing myself to deal with this:

 

My ex has and will sleep with other people.

 

My ex really doesn't care about me.

 

My ex probably will get married...to someone who's not me.

 

My ex probably will live a happy life...of which I'm not a part of.

 

I'm trying to face these things, because I'll probably invariably see her at some point...probably with someone else...and while it still probably won't help as much as I'd like...I'm still doing it so that it'll be easier for me when I do witness these things.

 

And yeah...I miss her.

[iBroken]

I had a variety of weird dreams last night....one of them was me constantly calling her.

 

I was calling and calling and calling and calling.....for reasons I do not know.

 

But I still have no desire to break NC

[Im Steph]

Hmm. I guess those are good things to start to come to terms with. I can't imagine the feeling of seeing my ex with someone else. Unfortunately, I still feel like we were something special that will never happen again. I can't believe that someone could "get" him like I do. or did.

 

Maybe we could think of the opposite, or is it converse?, of those statements:

I will live a happy life... of which my ex is not (necessarily) a part.

 

I just felt the need to add that "necessarily." If I believe these things will be true for my ex, why do I so strongly believe that I will never meet anyone else, be happy, get married, etc?

[TurtleDove12]

Hmm. I guess those are good things to start to come to terms with. I can't imagine the feeling of seeing my ex with someone else. Unfortunately, I still feel like we were something special that will never happen again. I can't believe that someone could "get" him like I do. or did.

 

Maybe we could think of the opposite, or is it converse?, of those statements:

I will live a happy life... of which my ex is not (necessarily) a part.

 

I just felt the need to add that "necessarily." If I believe these things will be true for my ex, why do I so strongly believe that I will never meet anyone else, be happy, get married, etc?

 

Well you have to believe them for yourself, but because I'm dealing with loss and rejection right now, and because I don't want to get knocked down if/when I see her doing one of these things, I am facing up to the negatives. The positives come next.

 

You should believe them for yourself! It's hard to see the forest for the trees right now...you know?

[Ascending]

Dreams are the brain's way of putting us in a state of emergency in order to prepare us for life threatening events, and you'll have some idea of what to do consciously or subconsciously. Think about what we dreamed of as kids.

 

Our dreams are more realistic now, our fears are closer to being true too. Your brain is preparing you for the worst case scenario, something you feel threatened by.

 

You're threatened by the possibility that your ex will treat you like you never existed, and that might not be so far from the truth. You're mentally preparing for it, subconsciously.

 

Look at these dreams as a blessing in disguise, cause it's preparing you for what could come next. Even though it hurts a lot, real life stings so much worse.

[FootofGod]

I've been having sex with my ex a lot in my dreams recently. Not too much about the relationship - there was even one where I went and said hi to her and her new boyfriend (my ex-friend now) and didn't feel almost any tension... then later we had crazy sex. Then a couple nights later, more sex, then last night I dreamt I came home and she was naked in my bed.... * * * ?

 

Damn, you, dreams. Why do you lead me to such weird places and have me wake up every morning not sure how to feel? I still feel low in the mornings, just because all of my senses aren't with me and I've never ever been a morning person and my brain can't tell the difference - it just knows something's unpleasant so it assumes it's being alone. Once I get up and get my coffee I'm on cloud 9