peculiar situation

[blueotwo]

hey everyone. i hope there will be a few people who can give me some advice on my situation

last year in about august i met a girl on-line quite randomly. we exchanged msn addresses and started chatting regularly. we hit it off very quickly and our relationship developed very fast to the point where we were sharing very intimate things about each other. we sent each other lots of picture both clean and dirty. chatted via email, msn and calls.

ive even spoken to her mother and sis on call once.

shes a real nice girl. and i really care about her. as shes opened up to me alot. we havent met yet but plan on doing as soon as we can. im gonna fly out to meet her as soon as its convenient. we have agreed not to sleep or see anyone else and we have declared that we love each other. something i find strange but thats how i feel. shes only been with one other guy before, and he was a jerk. and she says im amazing and make her feel great. shes even showed me some poems that she wrote about me. very deep feelings which make me like her even more. (took some persuading for her to show me them to me lol)

but im a bit confused and worried about some things and its been building up

beginning of march she started having some family problems. her parents were getting a divorced, her gramp had fallen ill and she was very busy with school. so i gave her space as she didn't have time to talk as much. this kinda put a wedge between us as we didn't have a much contact

but we have been talking regularly again for the past month

however she never ever sends me a message first. its always me who send the message which annoys me a little. she always always replys to me but never initiates a conversation.

about two months ago she said she thought she was preg. i automatically thought that she had slept with someone. she denied it and said she just had a random panic for some reason. i was convinced she was lying but she assured me she was not. this obviously blew the trust alot for me.

she also seems more distant with me. and a little short with her messages. im feeling very frustrated about it all and my feelings are getting mixed up.

i dont wanna waist my time or get hurt over this for no good reason

ive confronted her about this a few times. she keeps saying she cares for me, wants to be with me and loves me. which makes me feel ok but after a week i just dont feel shes connected with me as much

 

im not sure about it all. maybe its my feelings that have changed?!?!!? its just the mixed signals shes giving off. we have these very heated sex chats, and open up about our feelings but on the other hand she doesn't really initiate any conversation or send me any cute or loving messages like she used to.

 

im aware its a little weird having never met her and its all based over emails and calls which annoys me sometimes

any advice. what do you guys think is going on? is it a lost cause? am i being paranoid for no reason?

[Fudgie]

I don't understand..why would she think she was pregnant unless she had sex with someone? That's silly.

 

Sounds like she may be fooling around under your nose and may have had a pregnancy scare. You don't "panic" about pregnancy unless you've had sex, period. I think she didn't mean to say that to you and so she back pedaled.

 

Sounds like your gut is trying to tell you something. Listen to it.

[blueotwo]

That was my exact line of thinking aswell.

 

However on the other hand if she really had slept with someone and was preg surely I'd be the last person she would tell. She would go to a friend first rather than me?

 

I also put this situation to a friend of mine and she said girls do sometimes have panic attacks.

 

Maybe I should confront her on the issue again?

[anya1607307555]

Panic attacks sure, convinced you may be pregnant no ...unless you have had sex. Sounds like she may enjoy the attention of drama.

 

I would pull back slightly and avoid the sexual conversation, see how the friendship holds out then. Remind yourself, the only thing you can be truly certain of is the time she is physically talking to you online, anything else at this point is her opinion. Like Fudgie says, the growing feelings of distrust you have, are trying to tell you something.

[blueotwo]

Well it was really quick and random. We were chatting and then she's like oh I thrink I'm pregnant. and I said well have u slept with anyone and she's like no idefiently not. So I say well yoy can't possibly be pregnant.

It just seems so odd

 

Yeh ill pull back a little see how things go.

I talked to her last night again through texting. Everything between was fine we were chatting and joking around

Its when I'm not talking with her that my feelings start to conflict and such

 

Maybe its a gut feeling or maybe I've changed. Still not sure though

[blueotwo]

also one other thing to take into consideration

she was the one who first said that she doesnt want to sleep with anyone else until we meet. she made the commitment first to saver herself for me. i said from the beginning that she did not have to do this nor did i expect her to.

she said that she wanted to and shes the sort of person who only sleeps with a guy who she cares for and loves.in this case me

a couple of days later i made the same commitment just to strengthen the commitment and our relationship. but i still made it clear that she didnt have to save it for me but she was positive that she wanted to

so even if she has slept with someone i dont see the incentive in lying about it to me.

anya you may be right she might just wanted the attention from me as we hadnt spoken alot recently.

[anya1607307555]

One thing I have learnt is not to assume others think/act/react as I do.

 

Your intentions may be honest, hers may not be. I'm not saying it is a conscious decision on her part. Often good intentions lead to bad outcomes, that applies to anyone.

 

You can only control your own actions and do your best to remain open and honest.

[blueotwo]

so you think shes being dishonest?

[anya1607307555]

I don't know but it's a possiblilty. All I'm saying is, dont ignore all the inconsistencies.

[blueotwo]

im not ignoring them. i just hate constantly thinking about it.

should i talk to her about it? on webcam would be easier so i can see her reaction. id be very disappointed if shes being dishonest. i hope shes not. maybe im over thinking it all.

as i said before there isnt really a reason why she should lie about it. she could easily walk away from this without dragging me with her as shes being dishonest. we speak far to often and are far to open with each other to make sense for her to be dishonest.

[anya1607307555]

It definitely sounds as if you're more invested in this than she is. You are making the most effort in keeping this going, right? So pull back and you will discover through her actions how important it is to her. She can say anything she wants but her actions may say otherwise, all the while you are slowly getting more emotionally attached. Let go a little bit and see what happens.

[blueotwo]

ok sounds like a good plan. we are talking tonight again. but after that i will pull back and see how it goes

 

how should i pull back? stop messaging her and see if she talks to me or something?

[anya1607307555]

Might be a plan; get busy with a sport/hobby and just generally be less available.

 

Time and patience will tell you all you need to know.

[Fudgie]

You can pull back by not initiating contact. Don't call her first, don't message her...etc. Just sign on and see what she does and wait for her call.

[sidehop]

How long has she been broken up with the ex? I have a feeling there's still something going on or she's not completely over him yet. I'd take it really slow and focus more on yourself. Don't put all your energy into her at this point.

[blueotwo]

hey sidehop

 

she broke up with her ex 2 months before we met. and no hes definitely not in the picture. and we have been 'together' since august last year

i havent intiated any conversations with her since saturday morning. but she messaged me on the sunday and we chatted for a long time

im still going to pull back and see if she carries on messaging me first.

maybe it just was a difficult time for her. ive spoken to her on the phone and with her mum. she sounds sincere and honest. it was just the little things that kinda got to me. and the pregnant scare which was odd.

other than that everything seems fine.

but as i said still going to pull back a little and see how things go

[sidehop]

Two months is very short even if she's done with him. I'm sure she needs more time to heal while she was probably happy to find someone that can comfort her. Her emotion is probably out of whack right now with a lot of confusion. Be there for her but definitely step back a little and see what happens.

[blueotwo]

sidehop that may have been true back then. but its been a full year since they broke up. and im positive the ex is totally out the picture and her feelings towards him are non existent.

[KH26]

Hmm I'd say there's some lied somewhere and agree with whoever said that it seems like you've invested more into this "relationship" than she has.

 

She thought she was pregnant, you never met but she hadn't slept with anyone else? What? She's either lying or missed the biology lesson where they explained where babies come from. Or she just enjoys causing drama/ getting attention/ both.

 

Before I'd read the whole thing I thought, OK, maybe she just doesn't have time or doesn't feel like talking to you as much at the moment because her grandad died recently. But I have a feeling something else is wrong with this situation.

[blueotwo]

looking from the outside yes i can see why you all think she must of slept with someone. and to be honest thats what i thought and still kinda do now.

but she still talks to me sincerely. the only other thing that got me questioning all this was that she never initiated any conversation since her family problems.

ive asked her about it before. and she said it was a silly mistake and she just panicked for no good reason. i know it sounds ridiculous how could anyone panic over something like this if they haven't slept with someone, although she is a little quirky at times. but if she really did think she was pregnant why would she tell me? surely shed keep that from me rather than confiding in me???

[botticelli]

I'm pretty sure she wasn't lying to you about not having sex. It may seem weird to think you are pregnant without having sex, but the same thing happened to me. As a virgin I made a dumb comment to someone about being worried that I might be pregnant, simply because I had missed my period for about 2 months and was feeling ill. Just don't read too much into the comment... if she only had 1 bf i doubt she would have gone to bed with some other guy while she obviously loves you.

 

However, maybe she is feeling distant in your relationship at the moment. After a long time being together, relationships start to turn boring and maybe she doesn't really know what to talk about with you anymore. Try not to get too attached before meeting in person because you never know what will happen once you do.