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My brother is dangerous - And my parents blame me?!

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I don't even know where to start this...


My brother is dangerous, and has been for a few years. More than a few years, really ever since high school (he's 19 now).


He started out with smoking pot while in middle school (don't let anyone ever tell you it's harmless!), and is now doing prescription drugs, drinking cough syrup, and doing mushrooms. He's a serious addict and has been for years. I don't think he's doing coke or heroin but I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he was.


He has all the classic signs of being an addict. He has ruined the lives of everyone he meets and I'm just sick of it. He lies, he cheats, he's completely selfish and immature, and in the past two or three years he has become dangerously violent when he's high.


It started out with him punching walls and kicking doors (we have literally a dozen holes in our walls and his door is still cracked from one of his tantrums). On more than one occasion he has attached my parents, most often my father, sending my father to the hospital on one occasion with what we suspected where broken ribs (he turned out to be fine, thankfully). He's also hit me on more than one occasion, but thankfully has left our other two sisters alone.


A few months ago he attacked me. He was smoking pot when our parents were not home in my parent's basement with some friends. My older sister was home and was scared of his friends. When they left she asked me to ask our brother to leave. I went downstairs and told my brother it was inappropriate for him to smoke pot in our parents house. I said we can't control what he does at college but here, in my family's house (where our much younger sister still lives) he cannot smoke pot. He got upset and I got upset too. There was screaming at both ends. I was just so sick of him smoking pot in our parent's house where our younger sister can smell it and he said it was none of my business.


He became violent and angry. He came at me, screaming and yelling, and managed to put me in a headlock. He also manged to bring me to the ground and at some point I hit my head on a metal beam in our unfinished basement. I also ended up with rug burns on my face that lasted for days. He held me in a headlock and screamed at me that he was "bigger and stronger" and that he would "do whatever the hell he wanted" and I was so scared I couldn't even scream. I tried to fight him off but he was too strong and I ended up biting him on his arm to get him off me.


He let me go, went upstairs and left our house. I locked the doors and sobbed in my older sister's arms for what seemed like forever. I was so scared and I was scared to leave my sister alone (I did not live in my parent's house at the time). I wanted to call the police but my sister and my parents (who were not home at the time but came home shortly thereafter) told me not to.


Well, now I wished I had called the police so that an assault charge could be added to my brother's ever expanding record.


At the time I had my license to conceal carry and had purchased a gun (for many reasons, including joining a gun club at university and just general interest) but never actually carried my gun. Well that altercation with my brother showed me that anything can happen anytime, anywhere, even with people that you trust.


Since then I always have my gun with me, especially when I am at my parents house. I am living with my parents for one month (I move out in 2 weeks) while waiting for my new apartment to be ready.


Well I got into yet another fight with my brother. It was just a verbal fight, not physical because I had managed to lock myself in my room. When my mom got home I told her I was scared of my brother and that half the reason I carried my gun is because he is dangerous and unpredictable.


I can't believe my parents response to this. They are acting like it is my fault he's dangerous. They claim that I am "overreacting" and that we should just "kiss and make up" (please note that my brother has not even apologized for the incident in the basement. He claims I tripped and fell!). My parents act like this is just a silly little fight or a stupid grudge that I won't "get over" and refuse to acknowledge that my brother is becoming increasingly dangerous. Once I said he's half the reason I carry a gun they feel they have to "babysit" us ---which quite frankly I'm relieved, as I never, ever want to be alone with that monster. So I'm glad that there's always other people in the house in the 2 weeks until I move out.


But what irritates me is that my parents view every altercation with him as my fault. For example with the basement thing, they said I "shouldn't have provoked him". Well, he shouldn't have been smoking pot, and he way overreacted to my harsh words. I mean, I expected him to scream and curse (this is a daily occurrence anyway) but to actually put me in a headlock, give me rug burns and threaten me? And somehow it's my fault?


Honestly I'm scared of him. I don't know why my parents even allow him into the house. One of these days he's going to send one of us to the hospital in a violent rage and it's not going to be me. I'm sick of him ruining my life. I'm sick of bending over backwards to accommodate him and watching what I say or do because it "might upset him". I'm sick of watching my parents treat him like a golden child when he's ruining everyone's lives. If he was my kid there's no way I'd be funneling money into his college "education" when we all know he just smokes pot in his room all day. There's no way I would have bought him a new car when he wrecked his old one (I wonder what the cause of the crash was?)


I'm just sick of it. I hate living in this house with this monster and my parents who treat him like a prince and act like I'm the monster.

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Thanks rosephase. I know it's only two weeks and to just tread lightly until then I guess I just had to vent. It's just so surreal -- my parents know he's abusive and violent and occasionally they'll crack down on him but when there's someone else they can blame.....they just can't bring themselves to admit that the safety of their other children, not to mention their own safety, is at risk here.

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Thanks AnotherDay. I have already detached my life from him and didn't speak to him since the incident in the basement. I was forced to move back home when my lease was up in May and my new place isn't ready until July. I thought that he would still be at his dorm room at school, since it is a 12 month lease, but apparently that is not the case.

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If you're that scared of him, I'd opt for a hotel room, a boarding house or friends' homes for the next two weeks. If you stick around just to save a few bucks, just remember that using your gun will ruin your life--and it could end someone else's. Not worth it.

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catfeeder - I can't afford a hotel room and I've asked around. I could sleep on someone's couch for a few weeks but all my stuff would still be here.


Honestly I don't know if I could ever actually use my gun on him. No jury in the world would find me guilty if my life was truly in danger. But I feel that he would back down at the sight of it. I don't think he knows I actually carry one. If he did he might actually be leaving me alone.

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If you're that scared of him, I'd opt for a hotel room, a boarding house or friends' homes for the next two weeks. If you stick around just to save a few bucks, just remember that using your gun will ruin your life--and it could end someone else's. Not worth it.


This is a most excellent point. Fair or not, I guess I'd leave if there were any chance I'd be using a gun.

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Toxic drama. Just say no.


Yes, it sucks that he's still seen as the golden boy, and that you're the one getting the brunt of the blame and punishment. Trust me, it's not worth it to stick around and try to prove your parents wrong on that. Someone could end up hurt more than before, or dead.


Get out. Take your sisters with you if you can. Get the authorities involved. He needs help. Serious, serious help, that even your parents can't give him. Sometimes parents need help parenting, and this is one of those times...but not from you or your siblings.

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Thanks everyone I am making arrangements to move out.


At this time it is not possible to take my sisters with me. One is 23 and doesn't want to move out and the other is 15 and I legally can't take her with me. But so far my brother has been leaving them alone.....I have spoken with both of them on how they need to call he police if he ever lays a hand on them. I guess they don't think that he could ever really hurt them, even when they saw my rug burns (which scabbed over nicely) and the bump on my head from the metal pole. I hope they're right.


I will certainly be calling the police if he ever lays a finger on me again. I don't care at this point how much my parents want to protect him. He deserves to be behind bars and the next time he hurts someone the police will be involved.


Big thanks to everyone for your support. I'm glad people agree with me and realize the seriousness of the situation, especially because my parents refuse to acknowledge any of this.

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