I really dont want to leave...

[yonala29]

i have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 6 months. He is everything i can ask for in a dude. attractive, loving, caring, spontaneous. i love everything about him, and whenever i see him, its like its the first time again.

i'm 19, and i never had a serious relationship before him, and back in april i began to have doubts about us because i was not in love with him yet. i started to cry because i knew he cared so dearly for me, but i was not in love with him yet.

in may i broke up with him, and used the excuse of "keeping my options open" for my reasons. but soon enough the truth came out. the day after i broke up with him i cried hysterically, i was miserable. i felt as though i took away my happiness. i reconciled with him immediately, and we hashed things out and got back together. before we got back together, he told me to make sure, before we ended up doing things we couldnt take back. (i was a virgin)

 

we got back together recently and things were wonderful until one night i gave him my virginity and had no doubts about it. yes i wasnt in love yet, but i loved him, and care deeply for him as he is like my best friend, and i have great feelings for him. afterwards i started to feel weird, as my friends told me i was going to have a deep emotional attachment with him that i was not ready for. i got over that. but now my issue is....

 

i am out of school for the summer, and i keep thinking about new prospects that will be at school next semester. i think this because i keep thinking of the idea of not wanting to settle. and being encouraged to constantly date around. its killing me, and keeping us from progressing. i dont want to think about other dudes because honestly i feel that if i do leave to test the waters, i will want to come back to him anyway. because i know how it was before him. i only want to be with him, and grow with him. i love being with him, but im tired of these thoughts of wanting to keep my options open. i feel like such a * * * * * , i jus gave him my virginity and now im thinking about other dudes. these thoughts would kill him. i dont want to break up with him, especially not now, theres no one else i would see, i jus keep thinking of the possibility of meeting someone else. but i just dont think the grass is greener on the other side. please give me some insight to help me put these thoughts of other dudes to rest so i can enjoy the relationship im in. sorry for it being long

[Gullible]

It kind of sounds like you feel sorry for him, or you feel obligated to stay with him because he treats you well and pays you a lot of attention.

 

When you broke up with him, did you feel bad because you missed him, or was it because you felt guilty for hurting his feelings?

[yonala29]

when i broke up with him i missed him immediately. i begged for him back. he was my happiness. best friend. i talked to him 24/7. on the phone. late night. we could talk about anything.

[Gullible]

I think I understand your problem, but I can't quite think of why you feel that way.

 

My best advice is to hang out with your friends who have boyfriends, talk to other guys socially, and imagine yourself with those guys. Would they make you happy? If that girl's boyfriend was your boyfriend, how would you feel?

 

Is there any other guy you know that you could see yourself being with? Think about it. Don't try to push away all those thoughts, because they'll just come back. Instead, think through them fully and you'll be able to decide better.

[Keyman]

I sense you are struggling with two different things. Firstly, it sounds like you have a fear of being alone, of being single. I get this from you saying what it was like before him, that there isn't someone waiting in the wings to move on to and how when you broke up you couldn't stand to be alone long before running back to him.

 

The other side is your expectations. You say he is wonderful, but you feel there is something missing. He isn't what you were looking for, or isn't doing something that you would like him to. This is making you wonder if there is someone better out there, making you wonder if he is right for you. But you are staying because you are scared of hurting him and making him think bad of you, plus leaving him would make you feel alone again.

 

What you need to do is make up your mind AND STICK WITH IT. If you don't think he is good enough for you, then this is going to be on your mind all the time. Every cute guy - and stop referring to us as dudes - might be better than him. So decide. Can you do it? Are you able to just stay with him without going out of you mind and wondering if someone else is better?

 

Also, you have some feelings for him as you slept with him, but if you are having second thoughts why did you do this? To prove something to yourself? To force yourself to stay with him in hope it would change your feelings? Sounds like it didn't work. Maybe that is saying you need someone that makes your heart leap and that you are wasting your time with this guy - you'll just end up hurting him anyway.

[quirky]

Hi yonala29 amd welcome to ena

I think you are thinking about other guys because you've had sex for the first time and your curiocity about what's out there has peaked. A freedom of some sort. My opinion is to not think too far and just enjoy your boyfriend, don't listen to your friends too much, remember that we can't have it all at once in life. Take some time if you need to evaluate your feelings. If you are not attracted enough to your boyfriend then let him go without asking him back 2 days later, that would be unfair to him. But if you are having GIGS decide how important it is for you to explore other guys.

[yonala29]

Keyman, honestly youre making me sound like a * * * * * . I slept with him because i was ready to. This had nothing to do with the status of our relationship but i felt a connection, and felt i could share that part of myself with him. I really think this doesnt have too kuch a bearing on the reason im still with him, whereas when i weigh the reasons i am with him, i think of all of our outings, things we laugh our asses off at, and what not. My issue is wondering if the grass is greener on the other side. I dont believe that it is, and our relationship is still fruitful and i dont want to stop it, i jus want to put these thoughts to rest that i need to date evrry other dude to know i want to be with him.

[yonala29]

quirky

 

i can indentify with those feelings after i had sex with him. everything was just fine before then, and i believe i got scared. its just harder to verify how i feel when i dont see him day to day usually anymore as i am out of school. he stays in the city, and i live in the suburbs. as much as i think about other possibilities, i really think i am happy and comfortable with him. im 19, and not thinking of marriage partners right now, i jus want to get rid of these thoughts. i'm tired of everyone saying i have to date around when our relationship hasnt even met its peak. i appreciate everything about him and i jus want us to grow

[_Asti_]

Stop listening to people.

Listen to yourself.

I had people throw me those comments constantly, I got so fed up I started telling people "I don't need to be with other people to know how great he is..." and that shut them up.

 

And its true. You don't NEED to be with other people if you don't want to. If you like him, like the relationship, enjoy it! Its been 6 months, you aren't getting married next year, so just relax and enjoy the relationship.

 

I have been with my guy for over 6 years [was 18 when we started dating]. My only 'real' relationship, only man I have ever loved, only sexual partner I ever had and we are getting married in 9 months. He's phenomenal and being with other people would have been pointless. Why give him up? What would that solve? Just confirm you want to be with him? You don't have to listen to your friends, you don't need to be with other people to know whats in front of you.

 

Just listen to your friends crummy relationships. I would listen to my friends complain about their guys, their relationships and I would go "Wow..I'm lucky..." I was able to realize what I have was amazing, without having to go explore other men.

[Keyman]

I'm not trying to make you sound like that. The truth is that you sound confused. The grass is never greener, but if, after only 6 months, you think it is, I still believe you are missing something in the relationship. The relationship sounds great and you will not find better out there. But again I urge you to make up your mind and the sooner the better, because you are going to hurt him again.