I feel like dying.

[MsDexter]

Previously I posted a topic called "3 years for nothing" explaining what happened basically by boyfriend broke off our 3 year relationship because "God told him" as I am not Christian God said he has to end it with me.

 

Day 2 of the break up and it feels so much worse I have no idea what to do =(

[pumpkinmoon]

Take it step by step. Minute by minute if you have to. Officially day two for me too but I am finding it a little easier as I have been through it twice before with him.

 

Are you still in contact?

[MsDexter]

=( my heart feels like it's ripped out, well he wants to stay in contact as he "cares about me" but I have no idea if that's even a good thing.

[LostLeo42]

Hi there. Years ago I had a BF that was muslim and I am catholic. Religion tore us apart. I wasn't very religious but he was a fanatic. In the end he married a muslim woman and he seems very happy. Sometimes there is more to making a relationship work than just love. Religion is very important for some people.

 

You will get over it. Time does heal. I'm on day 4 of NC after ending a 4 year relationship. It's hard, but life goes on and I know I wont be alone forever and neither will you.

[LawlessOne]

Previously I posted a topic called "3 years for nothing" explaining what happened basically by boyfriend broke off our 3 year relationship because "God told him" as I am not Christian God said he has to end it with me.

 

Day 2 of the break up and it feels so much worse I have no idea what to do =(

 

It's going to be rough for a little while, coping that is. But there are a lot of great minds on this board to share thoughts with when you get lonely and need someone to talk to. What was your relationship like?

[pumpkinmoon]

=( my heart feels like it's ripped out, well he wants to stay in contact as he "cares about me" but I have no idea if that's even a good thing.

 

Its bad for you to stay in contact.

[FootofGod]

This is a gigantic difference that would have caused strife one way or another. It is very rare that religious differences work out. The only exception is if someone's religious affiliation chances far down the line, but both people already know each other so well it's understood and MOST IMPORTANTLY they're not the sort of people who think that God talks to them personally... no offense to anybody who is of a religious nature of that sort, but I'm just saying if you find someone who believes this, you'd better believe it yourself. I find it's still very difficult for these types of people because lo and behold they find out years down the line that the same God is telling them both contradictory things! Then there's huge problems because someone's being tricked by the devil! It only gets ugly from there, especially when you mix in the convictions about marriage - trust me, I've seen this all firsthand. My whole family, with the exception of this generation, was religious fanatics.

[MsDexter]

Hi there. Years ago I had a BF that was muslim and I am catholic. Religion tore us apart. I wasn't very religious but he was a fanatic. In the end he married a muslim woman and he seems very happy. Sometimes there is more to making a relationship work than just love. Religion is very important for some people.

 

You will get over it. Time does heal. I'm on day 4 of NC after ending a 4 year relationship. It's hard, but life goes on and I know I wont be alone forever and neither will you.

 

I know, but time is so slow everywhere I look something reminds me of him. =( I just have no idea how to deal with this, it's so sudden and out of blue I wasn't prepared for it. Even if I was I know it wouldn't of been that easy but I think the fact it was so out of blue makes it even harder. I just feel actual physical pain as well as emotional. And I know religion is very important to some people but you should not even get into a relationship if you think you can't be with someone because of religion.

[MsDexter]

It's going to be rough for a little while, coping that is. But there are a lot of great minds on this board to share thoughts with when you get lonely and need someone to talk to. What was your relationship like?

 

The relationship was amazing. He was so good to me treated me like a queen, but I did notice when he spent time with his church friends he would change towards me a little not so much, he said he felt like divided between me and Christ but to me it feels more like he felt divided between me and the people from church.

[MsDexter]

Its bad for you to stay in contact.

 

I know I have deleted his number and I am trying not to contact him on any of the social websites.

[MsDexter]

We had this same issue about 2 years ago and same people (from his church) told him he should not be with me they even apparently had "dreams" that they think angels or something said to them how he is going down the wrong road. That road seems to be our relationship some even said they not sure if they would even want to meet me because I am not a Christian. And I was prepared to end the relationship there and then I didn't want to be with him for years and then break up but he assured me that it won't happen. That's why I think it's pressure from his church friends driving him to make these decision and not God himself.

[pumpkinmoon]

We had this same issue about 2 years ago and same people (from his church) told him he should not be with me they even apparently had "dreams" that they think angels or something said to them how he is going down the wrong road. That road seems to be our relationship some even said they not sure if they would even want to meet me because I am not a Christian. And I was prepared to end the relationship there and then I didn't want to be with him for years and then break up but he assured me that it won't happen. That's why I think it's pressure from his church friends driving him to make these decision and not God himself.

 

These aren't religious people, they are nutters by the sounds of it. It's like a cult.

 

I wish I could make it better for you. I know exactly how you feel.

[MsDexter]

These aren't religious people, they are nutters by the sounds of it. It's like a cult.

 

I wish I could make it better for you. I know exactly how you feel.

 

I know. You would think they would have compassion and patience and show love to everyone not just each other. All they want to do is go out and convert people all day. I guess I was in the way of that because he spent few days with me. They all go on like they are some sort of angels sent down to spread the word.

 

I wish it would just get better, there should be a pill for heartache.

[pumpkinmoon]

It's not healthy, their behaviour. Actually, it would terrify me to be with someone who was mixed up in that sort of thing.

 

I think you dodged a bullet here! I honestly do.

[SpottiOtti]

Broken, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I feel for you.

 

Also, I think your ex sounds a little immature with regards to his faith, like he is still finding himself within his religion. I say this because I think if your being a Christian was a big deal to him in the beginning, he never should have gotten involved with you. So obviously it is a bigger deal now. And I think you are correct about his friends influencing his decision more than his God. I sort of expect that he will call you and tell you he made a mistake and wants you back - but if I were you I wouldn't go down that road again.

 

But that's neither here nor there. Just take it, as another poster put it, literally one second at a time if you have to. And DON'T start to criticize yourself and blame yourself for this breakup. You have a right to be and believe whatever in the world you want. Stay true to yourself.

 

And yes, no contact is the way to go. Don't let him assuage his loneliness by "making sure you're alright." He made this decision, let him live without you. If you talk to him, you'll only torture yourself, and every conversation you have with him will set back your recovery.

 

Take care of yourself.

[botticelli]

He should have been honest with you from the start. I am like your bf but with christianism and I let my boyfriend know my commitment to religion (That i would not marry someone outside my religion) from the day we met. He was very good about it and made his own choice to convert to my religion. He is great about it and now loves God.

 

I can see how your bf would have wanted to break up with your negative attitude towards his religion: "All they want to do is go out and convert people all day." That is quite a rude generalization if i might say so.

 

However, I do believe he should have been straight-forward with you from the start. He put you through this for nothing and it was selfish, but now you will be able to move on and find someone who can share your views. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

 

Definitely go no-contact so you can move on.

[MsDexter]

It's not healthy, their behaviour. Actually, it would terrify me to be with someone who was mixed up in that sort of thing.

 

I think you dodged a bullet here! I honestly do.

 

I am starting to think that too. And now the more I look into Christianity the further away I feel. Him and his church friends believe you should accept Christ as your saviour and "be blood washed" (not literally) and if you don't do that you are dammed. And if I was ever "blood washed" it would of more like happen if I was with him but now he sort of just makes me resent Christianity completely. And I don't think Jesus would like it if he puts people off him.

[botticelli]

I am starting to think that too. And now the more I look into Christianity the further away I feel. Him and his church friends believe you should accept Christ as your saviour and "be blood washed" (not literally) and if you don't do that you are dammed. And if I was ever "blood washed" it would of more like happen if I was with him but now he sort of just makes me resent Christianity completely. And I don't think Jesus would like it if he puts people off him.

 

Yes, he handled the situation in a completely immature and unwise manner, but you can't judge a whole group of people by 1 person.

[MsDexter]

Thank you very much I wish he could just see how this all looks from where I am sitting. Because I know he loves me with all his heart he just has this need to "sacrifice" something and the hardest thing to sacrifice is what he had with me and he believes if God gets him through it it's like some sort of credit - He told me how if Jesus sacrificed his life for him he feels as if he needs to like pay back.

[MsDexter]

But I am not saying that in a like your twisted for wanting to convert people - it's just that he thinks if he brings people closer to God it's like credit for him. And fair enough go out do that I don't mind but he says he can't do that an set an example as a good Christian unless he breaks up with me. I knew he was Christian when I met him and I wanted to end things when he said he can't marry me but he changed his mind about it, he didn't want to live with what ifs? And the other day when he spent whole Sunday day and night with them the next day he decides to break it off.

[MsDexter]

Yes, he handled the situation in a completely immature and unwise manner, but you can't judge a whole group of people by 1 person.

 

True and I do apologise if I sound like bitter and angry I just feel a little put off.

[botticelli]

He is being ridiculous then =/

He is obviously in a very confused state... and his actions have been totally irrational. I would just move on.. you deserve someone who at least respects you, because this guy does not.

[botticelli]

True and I do apologise if I sound like bitter and angry I just feel a little put off.

 

Understandable. I wish the best for you, Broken, and I'm sorry you had to suffer the consequences of someone's immaturity.

[MsDexter]

Yeah but sometimes I wonder if people actually convert for themselves or for the person they want to be with and then they grow into it. Because he did say that if I was to convert it would be different but he doesn't want me to convert for him but for the right reasons. I would need a teacher someone to explain things to me to answer questions and now that he is sort of just tossed me away it might never happen. Who knows what might happen 10 years down the line. He said he would need like a guarantee that it would happen. From the day he met me he knows I have had issues with extremists, I come from Muslim family they are not very religious though, and my dad was killed in war by people who claim to be Christian so growing up with that was hard enough but I got over that and got with him and I also hardly speak to some of my family members as they didn't approve that I was with him because of race difference. I tried all I can.

[MsDexter]

He is being ridiculous then =/

He is obviously in a very confused state... and his actions have been totally irrational. I would just move on.. you deserve someone who at least respects you, because this guy does not.

 

Thank you