Don't want to break NC but the cats....!

[gardenpartygrl]

having a question here, my ex and I have been split up a year now, i'm doing really well at nc which i intend to continue, however, here is an issue...the two cats (who I love and they love me back) are being left in the dust, they need vet care (annual checkups/shots) and i was always the one to take care of these things...also, they always ate up their catnip plants...

 

so here's my question, how would it be if i were to stop by when he wasnt home, and leave a note reminding about the annual shots, and leaving a couple new catnip plants? i hate this stupid breakup world.

[Live-N-Learn]

I don't think it is a good idea. However, it has been a year so maybe sending an email reminding him to do it would be fine. Just stick to the cats and don't talk about anything else or ask him any questions. He really needs to take care of these cats himself. Are you going to do this everytime for him?

[confused2010]

Can you not take the cats with you??

[gardenpartygrl]

well the first cat was his (from before we met), however she and I have bonded over the 4 years and I even saved her life once. the second cat was inherited from his mom, and he was a scaredy cat until he got to spend time with me, and he's totally loving life now (until i left and I'm bet he felt abandoned). technically they are both his cats, and they are used to the house, i cant take them anyway because my roommate has dogs. I wish I could get visitation! a couple months after we broke up i was over there and the second cat came up to me like on a mission, and the other cat came over and sat on me...

 

also, he can barely take care of himself, but is managing i guess with the cats, although i suspect a heavy lapse in hygiene around the house.

[DN]

I don't think it would be appropriate for you to enter his house while he isn't there nor would it be right to take his cats.

[confused2010]

I agree with not entering his house when he's not there, but I don't think it's fair for the cats to suffer.

[HeartGoesOn]

I would be very upset if an "ex" tried to come into my home after we had a breakup a year ago. If the cats have been fine with him for the past year, I'm sure they're still being taken care of.

[Anotherday]

For the sake of the cats (animal lover here), I would think it's a very good idea to send him a reminder email that shots are due. I would keep the conversation limited to the cats.

[gardenpartygrl]

Oh I didnt mean I would go inside his house...just leave the catnip plants outside with a note about their annual stuff...

 

I appreciate the input. It isnt fair that the cats are in the middle, just like children in a divorce. The one cat almost died once from his neglect (we were on a "break") at the time. He is depressed, and tired from working on his feet all day. He doesn't take care of himself, how can he expect to care for the cats? I didnt break him and I cant fix him, but my heart breaks a little each day. thats all, thanks

[gardenpartygrl]

Update...i havent called or anything about the cats, however, Monday night i was coming home from a date, and it was about 9pm. I was going by his neighborhood and totally impulsively decided to go by and see if he was home. He was, outside, so I stopped and we chatted a few minutes outside by the plants. He invited me in and we talked nonstop, catching up on everything and it felt really good. We ended up kissing in the kitchen and then the bedroom. He said he had missed me and asked me if I had missed him. I told him "no" but we both knew it was a joke. He had the next two days off work, so we stayed up really late.

 

I woke up Tues and was thinking OMG what have I done? He was pretty cozy with me and we lounged around and made a pizza from scratch. I was torn between staying and leaving. I wondered WHAT the oracles at ENA would advise, but I didnt have my laptop with me and no emergency number to call! I got a txt message from my sister wondering where I was...I texted her back where I was. He joked that my family probably thought I was being held hostage...lol. I had the urge to bolt right when I woke up, but something told me to stay and see where the day led...letting him take the lead in the direction of things. We shared a lot of stuff, personal and business, he hasn't dated, said he was working too much.

 

He got a call from his best friend, coming over to deliver some posts for a fence...anyway... he asked me if I would leave for about an hour because he didnt want to catch any guff from his friend about me being there. I was a bit taken aback but figured yea, thats alright, at least it was a real reason, and I wasn't sure what to think about this anyway. I said sure, no prob. Well, his friend showed up a lot sooner than was expected so I was there anyway, and he came back inside from talking to him (it was a quick 4-5 min visit) smiling. He said everything was cool and seemed more relaxed that his friend was cool about it. So I ended staying over that night.

 

We hung out and talked and watched a movie, made some dinner together. Sometimes he'd seem a little distant, like he was thinking, but I stayed relaxed and didnt try to pry anything out of him. Later that night we were talking and he said I'd caught him in a weak moment, only half joking. That we had great sex and all but we couldnt go back to the way we used to be. That we had to move forward and see where that lead. I totally agreed and said we could just take it one day at a time. So this morning we had no time to visit really, we woke up late and he only had 25 min to get out the door and get to work. He had some herb plants sprouting roots in water and told me to take them and plant them proper. I kissed him by and said I'll see you soon. He said yes that sounded good. The cats are fine and made a total fuss over me. So now I'm thinking, he wants to see me, but really is not sure what we are about, so leaving it very open ended, but open... Still not sure if it was the right thing to do, but it's done now. The whole experience was surreal.

 

Now what do I do, or not do?

[DN]

Now what do I do, or not do?

Nothing for now - see what he does.

[brazilgirl21]

What is up with relationships and the cats??

[Puckdog27]

Its the last final excuse to have to conntact them. If you shared a pet, there's always an excuse to check in

[gardenpartygrl]

I appreciate the input. I'm just taking it one day at a time, it all works out for the best. I think our time apart has given me time to sort out some things, and ultimately, I am accepting whatever happens, I have let go of expectations and outcomes.

 

As for your comment Puck, about a pet being the last excuse to check in. I am wondering just what you meant. Am I pathetic to you? I don't need any "excuses" to check on some one (person or animal) that I love and care about. It's called a real reason. I don't look at my relationships as disposable or easily exchanged. We shared four years and a lot of life together. I am secure enough, and humble enough, to put aside my "pride" and turn the other cheek in order to preserve/build a relationship. I'm not a doormat nor desperate, and can fully set my boundaries as I need them to be. Let's face it, we have to be able to be vulnerable, open, and optimistic in dealing with the emotional risks of a relationship, especially one that has bigger issues. My life might not be as comfortable or secure as others, but I would propose that comfort or security is an illusion anyway. Every day is unique, and unrepeatable. One has to have a larger vision in order to withstand the setbacks and challenges. Or not. It's all a choice about how we turn our hearts. Just my opinion. peace and love to all