I really need some perspective

[Fancy111]

Well to make a long story short. I have been married for a decade and have recently been seeing someone else. We saw each other at a party and flirting led to us saying we would get together one day. I think he is one of the most sexy men I have ever been with. There is something about him that is captivating(size matters in this case) the only thing is that he just happens to be my cousin's husband. I really mean no harm to her, we are pretty cool with one another, since she before her marriage(her husband is seven years her sr).

I think I'm starting to become emotionally attached even though he thinks we should play it safe and only spend a couple hours at a time together when we meet. Recently he said we should slow things down a little bit, that he needs to clean up his act, but than called me that next week to meet. He now tells me he is seeing other people in addition to me. I know it will never go anywhere, but I still find my self getting attached to him. Lately I feel used even though I'm getting satisfaction to. All he says is that he could get used to this, that were creating good memories together.

What do you think?

[xxatti]

I KNOW your not coming on here, telling everyone how your cheating on your husband of ten years with the man who's married to your cousin, and expecting to get sympathetic responses to your situation?!! Well you wont get it from me. I have no sympathy for you, not to mention that from your post I gather that you are a very shallow and selfish person. It's a shame that you and your cousins husband are such sad individuals. Just remember the saying that what goes around comes around.

[kate111]

I have cheated in my past and also been cheated on.

 

NEVER again will I cheat as I know the pain it causes when it happens and the guilt when you are the perpetrator.

 

Your poor husband. Break up with him now if you are going to betray him.

 

Otherwise shut your mouth and close your legs and learn to love who you've got.

 

Til death do us part, remember?

[bri]

Do as Kate111 says. If you don't care for your husband do it for your own sake. You will be very sorry one day, you'll see.

[Val_76]

I won't judge you on your act, I have a say that goes like this: your life, your troubles. Your situation seems quite complicated to me and yet quite simple. You are with a men you've been married 10 years and you don't love him enought not to cheat on him as you don't find him more attractive than some other mens. You cheat on him with a men who obviously only want sex from you and who's getting it from you, his wife (who's your cousin) and from other womens you don't know.

 

You situation is that you're getting in love with a men that won't want to leave his wife for you and who's with you only for the thrill. This is men you will never be able to trust if ever you start a relationship with him so I guess you're not really thinking about it. Since he's family and since you're seeing each other frequently someone might discover this affair (your cousin or your husband) and when one side will know it will tell the other side for sure. Since its family business everyone in your family with feel the obligation to step in and judge wohever's involved in this. Since you're on the wrong side of the fence I guess you can imagime how people will judge you.

 

I saw it happen and believe me its ugly. 2 divorces, kids flying all around, house sold, years to recover financially if your husband is a little smart and keep everything and leave you all the debts (and with the law on his side he can do some ugly damage). Your lover will be in the same position and might not want to see you again. This will be a hard price to pay for the "satisfaction" you're getting now. You will be bared from some of your family get togethers and parties too and other wives won't trust you with their men either...

 

Sorry this post is so long. In my mind you have only 3 choices.

1) Stop seeing your lover, get a divorce from the men you don't love before he discover anything and is in the power to make your life a living hell. Then you will be free to see anyone you want and do wathever you want with them. It might take some time to sort things out but at least you will escape a life you seem to want to escape from.

2) Stop seeing your lover and let him play with his other female friends until he get caught (and he will... read this board and you'll see a lot of people caught their tender half doing the act). Pray that when he'll sink he won't take you down with him. Try to fix your marriage.

3) Continue as you're doing know and pray that no one will ever know about it. If ever you're ready to do this have a backup plan just in case you're dumped dramatically by a very frustrated husband who will want to make you suffer. If you have kids then include them in it.

 

One last thing. I don't know your husband but I know that even if I've been only 5 years with my wife I can read her really well and eventually know when she's lying to me. Your husband will see a change in you if ever the situation with your lover get to you. You won't be able to hide it too long.

 

Good luck and I hope you find a good way out of this.

[bri]

Val - that was excellent! I'll copy your post and I'll read should I ever be tempted to do the same.

[kate111]

Yes i think Val's reply was most articulate and accurate.

[Fancy111]

I agree with all your great opinions. I think I will definitely go with Val on #2. I have to cut loose this stupid behavior, and break it off immediately. It's not good for me or my family, and I know this was selfish from the beginning, I just some how got caught up in the thrill of it and wasn't thinking that far ahead. I have to really reevaluate why I was so selfish in the first place.

 

Thanks again