somegirl30 Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 I've been on 1 official date with this guy I'm definitely interested in. I'm almost certain he's interested as well. Well, we had a good phone conversation on the phone on Thurs. talking about what a good time we had on our date and both of us agreed we'd have to do something this week. When we got off the phone he said he would call me "in a couple days." I was thinking that meant Sat. or maybe Sun, but he hasn't called still. Don't worry, I'm not waiting around for him to call. I had a ver fun & busy weekend. Just wondering what it means when a guy says he'll call in "a couple of days?" Link to comment
mca1975 Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 Hmmmm, in this day and age, I would say it means don't hold your breath. Carry on with your life and your arrangements. They don't always mean two days, maybe they mean three or four. How many days has it been? Link to comment
somegirl30 Posted June 14, 2010 Author Share Posted June 14, 2010 Let me explain the circumstances with this guy... We met over a month ago, hit it off, and I invited him to my place. We talked and hung out and ended up in the bedroom. He gave me oral and got me off, but had a hard time getting/staying hard. I ended up just giving him a hand job. He was really embarrassed obviously. Afterwards we discussed getting together sometime for a proper date, but when I didn't hear from him I figured I wouldn't. Then he called me a little over a week ago and asked me out. We had a really good date and he called me the next day (Thurs, the last time I've spoken with him). When we last spoke he brought up the time we met and mentioned that he had had a good time, but felt like we skipped some steps and he would like to start from the beginning. I told him I thought that was a great idea. We talked about how we would have to get together this week and he said he would call me in a couple days. That was on Thurs. so 4 days ago today. Maybe he'll call this evening? He really seems to be a good guy. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 What it means (and the backstory is irrelevant) is that you don't have another date planned and therefore he belongs entirely off your radar until and unless he asks you out for a date -- since you've only been out once, it's anybody's guess whether there will be a second date. I wouldn't analyze it any further than that because it would be 100% speculation. I wouldn't call him since he said he would call you and to call him after he said that would be too aggressive even if he was just a friend. (as far as the oral sex, etc that increases the risk of giving the impression that you are comfortable with a casual sexual arrangement rather than dating with the potential for a serious relationship, but I don't think it makes a difference here). Link to comment
mca1975 Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 Well from my point of view, I think he should have called over the weekend to make a date. Seeing as he hasn't, I would think he was only interested in casual sex, seeing as I (you) had already hit that point (nothing wrong with that by the way) and maybe he is just going to hook up with you on the next meeting. I could be wrong because you did say that he mentioned he wanted to take you out and start afresh, but then again, I think guys say a lot of things they don't really mean. Batya is right, you cannot call him now. You will just have to see it for what it is at this stage and let it go, until you hear from him again. Even then, you might think it was left too long to make contact and may have gone off the idea. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 I agree that he should have called because he said he would call. I think he very well could have meant everything he said at the time, then changed his mind later - it's not a "guy" thing, it's called "dating" and "getting to know someone". We have no idea what he is interested in or who - we only know that he is not true to his word as far as promising to call and then not calling. I personally give someone a second chance if they end up calling and sound apologetic (I mean friends, and in the past, dates) but reliability is essential to me so after one more chance, I am done. Link to comment
amipushy Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 I agree with the others. The date seemed to be him coming back to see it there is potential for a serious relationship so at this point he's probably thinking over whether or not he really wants that start from the beginning or not. Whatever you do, do not call him and force his hand, it will be pushing him (away). Link to comment
somegirl30 Posted June 14, 2010 Author Share Posted June 14, 2010 Ok, so if/when he calls if he apologizes for taking longer to call, etc. should I give him a strike 1 or some kind of warning?? I want to let him know he can't do that regularly. And what if he's not apologetic? Say something like, "I wasn't sure if I'd here from you..."? Link to comment
mca1975 Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 Ok, so if/when he calls if he apologizes for taking longer to call, etc. should I give him a strike 1 or some kind of warning?? I want to let him know he can't do that regularly. And what if he's not apologetic? Say something like, "I wasn't sure if I'd here from you..."? Just act totally normal and don't act like you've been waiting for him to call either. If it were me, I would probably say I was busy when he wanted to meet (definitely say you have been busy) and say that you will call him when you have a spare day, or say you are busy and will call HIM back later! lol. then it is all reversed and you can then call him back and arrange something when suits you. Link to comment
somegirl30 Posted June 14, 2010 Author Share Posted June 14, 2010 Just act totally normal and don't act like you've been waiting for him to call either. If it were me, I would probably say I was busy when he wanted to meet (definitely say you have been busy) and say that you will call him when you have a spare day, or say you are busy and will call HIM back later! lol. then it is all reversed and you can then call him back and arrange something when suits you. Sorry, but I don't like playing games. Any suggestions that don't involve game playing?? I'll say I'm busy if I am, but if I'm not I won't... Link to comment
mca1975 Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 I know you probably dont like playing games, but isn't he? If he says he will call and then doesnt until seven days later? By all means be honest and say you didn't think he would call, but that would most definitely sound to him like you have been waiting around for him to call and will make him think he has you hanging for future times like this. If you must be honest, then tell him you thought he had left it a bit late and you won't tolerate it another time? but then again does that sounds a bit aggressive? Link to comment
mca1975 Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 OR - yes, you could just be totally normal and accept any invitation he might throw your way but if he was to leave it quite a while before he rang next time, maybe not be so forgiving. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 Ok, so if/when he calls if he apologizes for taking longer to call, etc. should I give him a strike 1 or some kind of warning?? I want to let him know he can't do that regularly. And what if he's not apologetic? Say something like, "I wasn't sure if I'd here from you..."? I don't think he needs to be taught manners because he is an adult and if he hasn't learned by now how to be reliable you're not the right person to teach him anyway. I would decide how you want to treat this - if you decide to give him another chance, then do so silently and if he asks you out in advance and you are free that day then accept. If you decide that his unreliability or lack of apology is a dealbreaker, simply tell him nicely that you are not interested in seeing him again. If he asks why simply tell him that reliability is very important to you and he didn't act reliably. If it happens a second time then I would say that you weren't happy with his behavior the first time around but decided to give him another chance but you are not willing to put up with his disrespectful treatment. I wouldn't necesarily say he's playing games -he may have meant it when he promised to call, then changed his mind - not the nicest way to go about things but not game playing either. As far as your playing games, deciding not to share your feelings with him is not playing games - it's choosing your limits and boundaries. Link to comment
Solo Pilot Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 Batya is absolutely right. Playing games would just be stupid. Too many people do this and it is just a big waste of time. If he isn't calling you back when he said he was supposed to then definitely keep that in mind when you make your next plans with him. Now he might have a real good reason why he hasn't called yet. If I were him, I would have a well thought out logical reason why I haven't called yet. If he doesn't then it's not a deal breaker either. Just keep it in mind the next time he says he's going to do something. So the next time he makes a statement that he's going to do something but doesn't follow through then you will start to see a pattern of what this guy is like and make your own determination of whether you are wanting to deal with this kind of man. I'm glad to see you say you don't like playing games. You've got my respect. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 Honestly, if I went out with a guy on Thursday and it's now Monday, I would try to forget about him. It is my opinion (although I always get tarred and feathered for this) that if he was that interested, you would have heard from him by now (or he could be involved with someone) - even though he said a few days. I expect to hear from a man within 3 days of our date. If I don't, I assume the interest isn't strong enough (on his end) and usually will not go out with him again (although when I don't hear from them after 3 days, I tend to not hear from them at all - it's like it's soon or it's never). Link to comment
somegirl30 Posted June 15, 2010 Author Share Posted June 15, 2010 Still haven't heard from him. If he does get in touch I won't be seeing him again. Thanks for the advice! Link to comment
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