Troubled girl messing with my brother.. any suggestions

[yeawutever]

I'm wondering what you would do in this situation. On certain family reunions, my older cousin brings her now 10 year-old daughter and that's where the problem starts.

Not only is this girl annoying as hell but has picked up arguments with my brother (he's 8 years old) on many occasions, not let him nor the other children play and hit him too.

One time my brother was crying loudly in his room. In turns out the girl pushed him very hard on the floor, knocking him down backwards because she wanted to play his video game all by herself.

Another time, she kept following my brother and making annoying faces as he was trying to walk away from her. He end up getting angry and cried while she kept on pestering him.

 

Another issue is my parents are poorly advising him to go punch her if she hits him again or pull her hair. He doesn't do it and I'm not in favor of it either. My brother is quickly growing up and is almost her height so retaliating IMO wouldn't be good for him. He can hurt her by doing that. I just told my brother to ignore her. Otherwise.. if she comes again and I see her doing that then I'll talk to her myself.

 

But what can be done about an annoying girl like that.. with attitude issues?

[Skay]

Limit as much contact with her as possible. Can I ask why she is 'troubled'? Was she abused and/or is being abused? Usually young kids act out like that when they've been treated that way themselves.

[Hermes]

I ask the same as Skay.

 

Can I ask why she is 'troubled'? Was she abused and/or is being abused? Usually young kids act out like that when they've been treated that way themselves.

 

 

H

[yeawutever]

Limit as much contact with her as possible. Can I ask why she is 'troubled'? Was she abused and/or is being abused? Usually young kids act out like that when they've been treated that way themselves.

Can it be possible she acts like this due to her parents' separation (her father sometimes would yelled at her, never hit but had a temper), her mother dating other guys online, and very few friends.

 

We heard she doesn't get along with many of her peers at school.

[Mr D]

When young children behave like that it is usually one of two reasons..

1. BEING ABUSED

This may not be done by the girls family members, it could be someone at school who does these things to her.

 

2. ATTENTION

Young children often resort to bad behaviour as a means of getting attention from adults.

 

I strongly agree with you talking to her if she does it again as she is old enough to understand and accept that her behaviour is totally unacceptable.

 

another way of tackling this is by telling your cousin about his/her daughters behaviour. Also tell your brother that he should simply walk away from her and tell her parent.

 

If this matter is still not resolved, i suggest avoid letting your brother playing with the girl unless you or your cousin is there and supervising them.

 

I feel it may just be a phase she is going through, eventually, she will grow out of it.

 

However, there is also the possibilty that the may have undiagnosed disabilities that affect behaviour.

 

I hope this helps.

Good Luck!!

xx

[jengh]

It really bothers me that your parents are advising him to hit her or pull her hair. That is terrible advice. It's going to reinforce the idea that solving problems through violence is a valid solution to his problems and that's likely going to be engrained and stay with him as he gets older. I would sit him down and explain to him that hitting/hair pulling is not nice and not a good answer to his problems with the girl. Tell him to just walk away when she starts acting up.

 

Have a conversation with the girl's parents. They may not even know she's acting out this much. A separation is very hard on a child and family therapy might be in order. Her parents need to tell her that they still love HER and are doing what's best for her.

 

It doesn't sound like she has a very stable home environment with her father gone and her mother dating around a lot. Is it possible to phone her school and speak with the counselor?

[yeawutever]

It really bothers me that your parents are advising him to hit her or pull her hair. That is terrible advice. It's going to reinforce the idea that solving problems through violence is a valid solution to his problems and that's likely going to be engrained and stay with him as he gets older. I would sit him down and explain to him that hitting/hair pulling is not nice and not a good answer to his problems with the girl. Tell him to just walk away when she starts acting up.

I have told my brother that as I don't want him growing up thinking hitting a woman in retaliation is normal. My father unfortunately is the type of man who believes a woman should be treated like a man if she wants to act like one. In his mind, if a girl slaps a boy, she should be slap or smack back. I'm totally repelled by that idea. A man could easily injured us if he retaliates hard enough. However, at the same time as a child, my father also would advised me to hit back if a boy/man strikes me first.

Have a conversation with the girl's parents. They may not even know she's acting out this much. A separation is very hard on a child and family therapy might be in order. Her parents need to tell her that they still love HER and are doing what's best for her.

I think my cousin (the girl's mother) knows how her daughter is behaving but chooses to ignore it and at times focuses more in chatting with men online. So sometimes it's the parents' fault too. They might know it but simply do little to stop the behavior and just don't believe their child has a problem.

It doesn't sound like she has a very stable home environment with her father gone and her mother dating around a lot. Is it possible to phone her school and speak with the counselor?

I heard she's seeing a school counselor in regards to her lack of school friends and sharing issues. It's sad how sometimes the parents themselves see nothing wrong in their own behaviors.

[amipushy]

Its bullying, pure and simple. Read up on how to prevent it from happening. In the meantime, don't leave them alone together.

[Hermes]

The only ones ENTIRELY at fault here are her irresponsible parents. The child is acting out because of plain bad example, and no one meeting her needs as a child.

 

Sad.

 

H

[turnera]

I would (1) tell her mother (and father) every time she does such a thing and (2) take her aside yourself and have a talk to her. My bet is (1) won't do much, but (2) may have a profound effect on her; I doubt any adult ever takes that much time to deal with her and tell her what good morals and rules look like. Kids want to learn from someone; let it be you.

[amipushy]

I dont know if I agree with that advice. If this kid is as troubled and manipulative as you say she is make sure that if you do speak to her you have a witness or you could be accused of isolating and bullying her. NEVER underestimate a bully, whatever age thay are.

[turnera]

Well, I didn't mean like in a closet, or something! Just go sit down on the couch she's at and talk to her.