All I feel is envy, I also hate myself.

[Eners01]

I'll try and make this as simplified as possible. I was in a relationship with a woman 4 years older then me. Shes successful which is great, I was proud of her and everything however, there were a few things that bothered me greatly.

 

I've been raised in a traditional house hold and I feel that I've adopted deep down the sort of regulations that go with that. The man makes the money where the woman stays home and takes care of the kids. I am MORE modern age and I'm all for successful women in the business age but when I knew that my girlfriend was making a lot more money then me it totally shot me down. I'm currently a student well my girlfriend had a job raking in 40k a year. My brothers and father both have stay @ home wives and I'm the only one to * * * * this up.

 

I find myself hating that fact everyday to the point where I'm being drawn into decadence. I hate myself for not being able to bring home more money then her, and I've turned out starting to hate her for her success. I am completely envious of it.

 

I've always been a pretty down to earth nice person (prior to this). I'd stay home and clean, cook and do everything else. When I think about it now though I feel like I've been totally de-masculated and I feel completely degraded.

 

Prior and during our relationship I always had a REALLY low self-esteem. I never feel good about myself.

 

I recently started going to the gym (since we broke up), and the results compared to when I started were like night and day for myself (been going 6 months now). Any normal person would be happy with this but all I do is look at people ahead of me and loathe them and myself. I hate myself for not being at that stage. This behavior goes with pretty much everything though. I hate the fact that other guys just seem to have females float on them and that they never seem to notice me at all.

 

I hate the fact that since were broken up now, shes getting tells from guys and I'm getting none from females despite all the hard work I've put into my body. I hate the fact that I cannot make more then her, I hate the fact that I'm not better looking and I just generally hate myself.

 

Her motivation to get through her schooling was "so we could have a better life together"... that WAS mine until I felt totally belittled by her success. I felt the need to change programs and upgrade my marks so I can get into a university versus college and then brag to her that I have a higher education.

My motivation now is completely spite filled, so I can belittle her in return. Hate is what keeps me going to school daily and studying.

 

 

I used to be a very meek nice person that was never envious or jealous of anything. I was very proud of her for her accomplishments, but I find I'm turning more malevolent daily now with each thought I have of her being "Above me"... I kind of need any advice I can take.

[bar35]

My young friend, 40k will be a walk in the park for you to cover in the not too distant future.

 

Keep working out.

 

Observe your jealous nature, which will not help you in the long run. She will be able to meet others more easily than you, especially when you are in this state. Your internal darkness will come out in ways that are impossible to calculate.

 

She is 4 years older than you, which places her schedule way ahead of yours. If you are traditional you might do well to reflect upon your values. We seek to take care of/provide for women out of love, dedication and loyalty. However those values have also been seriously polluted by the economics of the times in which we live.

 

When my parent's purchased their home, it was the rule of thumb to only purchase a house that was valued at 50% more than your annual income. In other words if you made $25,000 a year, the home you would purchase would be $50,000. This is a fundamental principal that has changed so significantly that the old paradigms of a "traditional" family have been rendered virtually impossible as a point of economics.

 

Keep growing. Keep doing. Ease your foot off the emotional gas, and allow life to open up to you. I have been there my friend, a few times, and it hurts, but the competition you are waging is in your head, and only in your head. It is only as real as you allow it to be sir.

[Interceptive]

^^^^^^^^^^ Agreed 100% ^^^^^^^^^^^

 

But Whoa.

 

So, I truly believe this is more of a mental issue than something to be asking about on a dating forum. You are using the fact that your ex being more successful than you bugs you to disguise the the true problem...You obviously have self-confidence and conscious issues, and do realize that it is NOT her fault that you have become this way.

 

I would suggest counselling to help yourself heal, in all honesty...Sometimes its hard to overcome these things alone.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

^^^^^^^^^^ Agreed 100% ^^^^^^^^^^^

 

But Whoa.

 

So, I truly believe this is more of a mental issue than something to be asking about on a dating forum. You are using the fact that your ex being more successful than you bugs you to disguise the the true problem...You obviously have self-confidence and conscious issues, and do realize that it is NOT her fault that you have become this way.

 

I would suggest counselling to help yourself heal, in all honesty...Sometimes its hard to overcome these things alone.

 

I agree. It sounds like you need to work on your own feelings of inadequacy and start valuing yourself and your accomplisments rather than comparing yourself to others.

[Eners01]

Thanks for the feedback, it's much appreciated.

[meteorstrike]

just finish school. get a BA and you'll make more than 40k a year. 40k only seems a lot to you because you're still in school.

[Fudgie]

I think you need to talk to a therapist about this. You obviously have some insecurity/jealousy issues. It really eats you up THAT much that she's making more money than you? You need some help to get over that.

 

We're all raised in different ways and I understand that, but do you really want to limit yourself in the future just because you'll be really upset if a woman you date happens to make more than you?

 

Explore why that bothers you so much. I really think it has more to do with insecurity, not traditional values. My parents are more on the "traditional" side but my mom makes 75k more than my father and he's not bothered by it because he's happy with what he does and it's NOT the money that matters.

 

Do you somehow tie what your salary is to your sense of self-worth. Don't do that.