Just What is Wrong With me?

[WhoamI]

Forgive me, for the long post. Be nice to me, since this is my first post

 

Background:

I am 24yr old male and did my masters degree. I am involved with a very kind and wonderful girl. But, still i feel something is completely missing in my life. I need help !!

 

I feel like there's no purpose to my life. Nothing interests me at all. I think, something interests me, and i get bored of it soon. I am utterly miserable inside. I just dont know what keeps me, being alive. I get so utterly confused about: how people are so happy pretty much all the time. I am several good friends and a few close friends. I have a few hobbies. But, this life seems so utterly miserable. I am confused as what am i doing with my life? I just dont know why i studied my masters and why i am working.. I dont know what i like.. Nothing interest me. And, I am wondering: Do anyone feel like this way? Emptiness surrounds me...

 

I would be very happy, if someone replies my post. I would atleast feel acknowledged that i am not the only one.. like this..

 

take care.

[Scout]

Sounds like very common symptoms of depression. This could actually be a chemical imbalance thing that medication would correct, or at least help. Than again, could be situational problems - the important thing is to recognize, which you have, that you just don't feel "right". Why not make an appointment with a therapist to talk about this a bit more? He or she might be able to figure out if you need to take some medication for a little while to jumpstart you back to more positive, productive moods.

[JonnyG]

I feel the same. Except i think im about to fail my 3rd year, and i don't have a gf as she went back to her ex. Having her in my life, or any girl i loved would make the world of difference to me, think yourself lucky u have a girl u think is "wonderful", and u have a great degree. Im sure things will be great once u get a great job and settle down.

 

I dont know what i want to do in life. Lately ive been so down, im bored of moaning but i cant stop myself. I feel a complete loser, and a failure. I just thank god my younger brother got a 2.1 this year so my mum and dad are happy about something.

 

I don't even know why its all going wrong for me, but it is.

[Justinjigy2003]

I think it might be sings of depression, then again, it might not. Everybody feels what your feeling sooner or later. have you ever considered theropy? Maybe you should go on a vacation, and just relax for a couple of days. If you are still feeling this way months from now, you should talk to your doctor about depression, and what you need to do about it.

[johnagent1911]

I feel like that all time Who, and for some reason I can't get any better. I'm in my 3rd yr, I'm going to get my Ph.D but yet for some reason I don't see a point in anything.

 

I have no clue how people can live the way they do. I have no clue what's wrong with people like us.

 

-1911

[DiglyD]

The problem you are having is that you are beginning to realize that perhaps you are not aligned with what your inner self wants. You are living a life in which you are not in control, or at least you do not feel in control. This is why you feel miserable despite the good things that you have in your life.

 

happiness comes with freedom, with being able to control the circumstances and decisions in your life. Happiness comes from doing what you want not from what someone else thinks you should do no matter what.

 

Your beginning sentance pretty much sums it all up.

 

You say that you are a 24 year old male with a masters degree who has a wonderful girl, and yet there is something missing in your life. When I read your sentance it seems like you thought this was the right path to take, and you are trying to justify to yourself that the choices you made in your life (going for your masters, and the girl) should have brought happiness and they didn't, and maybe deep down you feel a litte bitter maybe. Maybe you feel a little cheated or taken for a ride or you are realizing that life is not what you were expecting.

 

The problem isn't depression, its about living, and don't listen to the multitude of people on here who will tell you to go see a thereapist or some bs like that. You dont't need any doctors and don't look for some external solution or excuse for your life (like depression) to lavbel what you are going through. Anyone who tells you that you need a doctor or thereapist or pills or that you are severely depressed just becasue thats what happens to most people so they got a term for it, is an idiot. Most people in the world are sheep, they don't think, they go around repeating what someone else has said, or what they read, or what is expected in society and never take a moment to actually think for themselves or reflect on whether what they preach is even true, or applicable. Its not depression, you don't need counceling or anything like that. You have a problem becasue you have not discovered what your defenitive purpose in life is. You are out of alignment with your true self, with what you were destined to do or what you really truly like. This is why you feel like crap. You have fallen into a life of routine which yields no self fulfilment, and a life of routine like this leads to misery. You have not done what you would like to do that is all.

 

This is why nothing seems to interest you. You aren't doing anything that you truly deep down want to do or dreamed of doing so you probably think there is really no point in continuing. Wherever you look you see the same thing around you because it is what you focus on. You focus on the same things that bother you and you see them in other people. Its like as if a person decided that they want to to go buy a red Porsche, all of a sudden wherever they go they see red Porsches. Its not that there are any more of them, they just tend to focus on that which they think about the most. You are focusing on the negative in people's lives becasue thee is negative in you they you want to get rid off. By focusing on them you think that maybe they might yield you the answer but all it does is make you more miserable becasue you begin to question whether this is all there really is to life. No there is much much more....

 

 

The truth is that other people aren't any happier then you. Its a show. Most are insecure, working jobs they don't like, and in the same boat as you save for a few. The few that figured it out normally stand out or aren't welcomed becasue they are not part of the rat race.

 

 

You can see that the life you are living right now isn't going anywhere where there will be some sort of personal fulfilment or happiness. Its a rat race and you know it leads to nowhere good.

 

Remember life is about doing the right thing for you not for anyone else. Its about "YOU" and only you. Your purpose in life is to do what you feel is right and do what you want to do as long as it does not step on the rights of others. Alot of people do things not for themselves, but so that they get some sort of approval from others be it their parents, girlfriend, wife, peers, or friends. They live someone elses life and not their own. That is terrible. They are "afraid" to take risks, to make choices that they want because they think they will fail not in their eyes but in the eyes of their parents and their peers. The pressure to conform and gain approval is very strong. But its wrong. Many people would love to do soemthing new but they got bills, and kids, and responsibilites or comfort and they either don't want to get out of that comfort zone that routine, or they are scared of what will happen if they loose it all. You know what will happen? Nothing! They will survie. Once you realize that you can do anything and you are not afraid of "loosing it all" life begins to open up for you. Look at the most successful people on the planet. Many of them have failed countless times, many went bankrupt multiple times, and many lost loved ones, girlfriends, wives, and businesses. Yet time and time again they picked themsleves back up and started again. They were able to acomplish this becasue deep down they realized that they cannot fail. Failure is nothing but a lesson and once you realize this failing is no longer an obstacle in trying new things or leaving behing a life that you don't like no matter how comfortable it is.

 

 

Most people do what they "think" leads to happiness based on what they see around them instead of doing what their heart tells them, becasue this is what everyone else is doing or becasue this is what is expected of them or becasue this is what other people tell them to do. They have jobs they don't like, they buy things they don't need, only to impress people they hate and who don't give a crap about them becasue they are caught up in impressing someone else. Its a vicious cycle. This is not "living". Life is about doing what "feels" right in your heart and in your head. Its about being in control and in allignment with your wants and needs on a spiritual and moral level. The moment you break your current cycle and start acting in accordance with that little voice inside you your life will start to improve. DO WHAT YOU THINK IS RIGHT OR WHAT YOU BELIEVE YOU MUST DO REGARDLESS OF WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS OR SAYS SO LONG AS IT DOES NOT INFRINGE ON THE RIGHTS OF OTHERS. This is your key to happiness....following your own heart.

 

Its about listening to "yourself". Most people look for "external" solutions to finding happiness in their lives. They think that a pill will do the trick, a new BMW, or a bigger house will make them hapier, or a girl, or a higher paying job, or some new toys, or whatever. They tell you that you need to wear such and such and do this and that. Yet few people realize that "happiness" comes with "purpose" and it is something that comes from within.

 

The only way you are going to feel good, and feel "happy" with yourself and your life where you feel that it is worth living is when you begin to align yousrself with your definitive purpose in life. The only way you are going to discover what your purpose in life is, will be when you sit down and think about the things you always wanted to do and begin to puruse them.

 

Why did you get your Master's degree? Was it because you had a yearning for knowledge in that subject or was it becasue someone told you that that was the right thing to do? Did you get your masters because you thought it was what everyone else was doing, that it would make you more competative or because you really had an interest in this field? What subject did you study and was it because you always wanted to do it or was it for some other reason? What are you doing now for a job? You don't have to answer its a question just for you to figure out whether you are doing something that brings you some sort of satisfaction and fulfilment and whether its something you want to keep doing or wanted to do or is it something you are just doing because you fell into it? Does what you are doing make you excited or give you a real sense of accomplishment? Do you have a passion for your field? If not then are you doing anything on the side that creates passion or are you doing something as a hobby every day that makes you passionate that is getting you closer to being able to leave your job and pursue that passion full time?

 

What did you want to be when you were younger? Did you follow those dreams? Do you ever spend some time with yourself and think about what you would like to do in the next year or 2 or three? What did you always want to do and learn that you found cool and exciting when you were younger? Did you ever want to paint something? Did you ever want to learn how to play a musical instrument? Did you ever want to be in a band? Did you ever want to learn how to dive in the ocean? or how to pilot a plane? THINK!. Write those things down. Thats your heart talking. Start doing those things and you will begin to feel better about yourself. If you can't do them then learn more about them or meet other people who are doing those things. Doors will begin to open for you and you will begin to realize that there is much more to life then what you are doing now.

 

Life is about choices. Life is both the journey and the end result of the choices that you make and your reactions to circumstances. How happy or sad your life turns out is dependant on the choices you make and how long you stay on a particular course. The longer you stay doing something you do not like based on an incorrect choice that you made, the more miserable you will become. The sooner you make another choice that fulfills some passion inside you the sooner your life will improve. The longer you keep doing what does not bring you happiness the harder it becomes to get out of that routine.

 

Since you are 24 and have your masters unless you studied abroad I'm sure you spent the last few years in school (at least 5-6). Did you go anywehre? Did you ever want to go anywhere? Do you know how it feels to walk in Red Square Moscow in the middle of Winter? have you ever seen how some of those people live? Have you talked to anyone there? Do you know how it feels to walk in Fiji in the summer or St. Martin, or Hawaii through crystal clear water that is just so warm to the touch or how it feels to go spear fishing there? Have you ever taken a woden boat from mainland China into Hong Kong and then walked around in the streets in the middle of the night with all the neons and people? Have you ever seen a 14 year old girl working at a chineese factory putting together your gameboy for 10c a day and reflected on how good of a life you have? Have you ever been on a sailboat overlooking the Island of Santorini in the summer, or checked out Mikonos or any of the other Greek islands and thought about how beautiful it is or how good if feels to have that nice breeze going through your hair? Did you ever sit in the sun and just be greateful to be alive? Did you ever want to go anywhere, or even if you didn't did you ever try just to see where it would lead? Did you ever just pack up and go somewhere get away from your routine and so that you could learn something and see the world?

 

You think your life sucks..its because you are "blind", and becasue you have not experienced it. If it sucks its becasue you have never seen how good you got it and reflected on all the good things in your life. You have never lost your health or never had to work for pennies becasue you went to college and you don't live in some messed up part of the word. Your life sucks becasue you choose to focus on the negative things in your life. Your life sucks because you have not lived as a part of it, participating in making it better in some way. Where have you been so that you could see how the rest of the world lives and so that it could open your eyes? What have you done? and I don't mean by how much money you made or how high of an education you got. That is meaningless. What I mean is what have you done that made a difference in someone else's life? What have you accomplished that put a smile on someone else's face. If you had discovered some passion inside you eventually it would lead you to discovering something that would make other people better off. That is what brings about fulfilment, its when you are a service to others. Its when you "create" something from your passion, whether it be music that makes someone happy, or a video game that someone else playes, or a dinner that someone else eats, or a product that someone else uses. Have you started some business that made some product that helped many people? have you ever volunteerd to help anyone or any organizations? Have you accomplished anything that makes an impact on the world in some way? Probably not. This is why you feel confused and lost. You are just living a life in which you have chosen not to participate but to watch on the sidelines. Other people are making things, helping others, and improving the world. You are just waking up every day going to your job, getting your paycheck, doing the girlfriend thing, the same things everyone else is doing exactly in the same way. Sorry to burst your bubble but happiness will not come to you like this. I think you already see it around you in the peeople that you see who are like you lost and confused. Those that seem to be happy are those who have made a choice to participate in life. They all have their little dreams, their passions and something that they are working on that they feel will eventually pay out for them and for others.

 

I said this is another post but I'll say it again...a kite rises against the wind not with it. If you want to feel better, if you uwant some direction some success, and happiness and help then you need to start walking to the beat of your own drum regardless of what everyone around you thinks. You need to carve your own name in this world.

 

Right now you are just a sheep, like eveyrone else, living a life of mediocrity, living the same life everyone else lives that is shallow and "easy". You are a sheep and you will most likely continue to be one and live a life without purpose until you stop, sit down, and think about who you are, what you are doing, and whether it is what your heart is telling you to do. You will continue to be miserable until you beging to do soemthing that 1. brings fulfilment to yourself (so you can see a tangible result of your actions and say "I made this"), and 2. brings happiness to others or at least improves someone else's existence is some way.

 

Emptiness surrounds you because at the moment you are empty inside. Stop looking at the negative and start loking at what is good in the world. Force yourself to focus on the light not the dark in people's lives. ACT with purpose, and doors will open for you. Don't sit around and expect others to lead you by the hand or show you the way. DOn't expect to find your happiness in your next higher paying job, the guy in the next office or cubicle over, or a newer luxury car. Don't expect to find happiness in some girl no matter how wonderful she is or how much sex she gives you. Expect to find you happiness only within yourself. After you finish reading this, turn off the computer, take out a piece of paper and write down all the things you always wanted to do and never did, and then write down the things you want out of life on another piece of paper. Choose one of those things that you wrote down that you wanted to do but didn't and go out and start doing it TODAY!. Not tomorrow or the next day but today. Take even a tiny step in that direction every day and you will feel better. THIngs wil lstart to improve in your life. Look at the things you wrote down that you wanted to have in life and make them into goals. Think about how you can go about reaching those goals and getting those things. The moment you start to focus on what you want and move in that direction your life will improve.

 

Maybe the path you took so far has not been the right one for you. Its good that you finished school, it wil open many many doors for you, so don't worry. You are very young still and you have your whole life ahead of you. As long as you follow your dreams you will reach success.

 

DiglyD

[talo]

Hi Whoami, this sounds familiar.

 

I feel like there's no purpose to my life. Nothing interests me at all. I think, something interests me, and i get bored of it soon. I am utterly miserable inside. I just dont know what keeps me, being alive. I get so utterly confused about: how people are so happy pretty much all the time.

 

You talk about no purpose, nothing of interest, something of interest, boredom, utter miserableness, not knowing, confusion.....

 

All confusion is self confusion.

 

But, this life seems so utterly miserable. I am confused as what am i doing with my life? I just dont know why i studied my masters and why i am working.. I dont know what i like.. Nothing interest me. And, I am wondering: Do anyone feel like this way? Emptiness surrounds me...

 

In other words emptiness not only surrounds you but is you. Emptiness, not knowing, having no interest, is freedom. Feeling 'like' something is not being free, not being yourself.

[WhoamI]

Thanks all for posting.. I been reading all your posts over again.. and been thinking a lot these days...And I have been talking more freely to my best friend about this stuff... And special thanks DiglyD for your post..

 

Suddenly enotalone.com was down for a couple of days I am glad it came back..

 

I would still like to hear a few thoughts on this issue..

 

take care.

[moviestr]

I'm not sure if you're still looking for some input, but I read this post and thought it sounded a lot like me after I graduated college. It took me five years to finish because I had two majors and also studied abroad one year. After I graduated, I was suddenly confronted with the reality of not being able to find a good job. I couldn't find anything, let alone something related to the fields I studied. . .and I felt culture shock. I had been in school almost my entire life, and all of the sudden I was living life without school.

 

I wasn't sure what my purpose was. The whole time I was in college I thought that after graduation I would be working somewhere where I would feel happy and secure, etc. But even with a college degree and some job experience, I had the hardest time finding anything. Eventually I found a job (unrelated to my field), and I had practically no responsibilities and hated it. But almost a year later I stopped waiting around for opportunities to come my way and I found something better. Then, I started questioning, again, what it was that I wanted out of life. After much soul-searching, I reevaluated my plans and dreams for the future.

 

The point is, when you discover what it is that you hope to do for the world, and what you'd like to receive from the world, you will be much more at ease. Like some of the others have written, degrees, a nice lifestyle, and a wonderful girlfriend are not intended to supply you with happiness; you have to find your happinness first and then the rest will fall into place.

 

Maybe you realize that you studied something that doesn't truly interest you. It doesn't mean that you can't change your mind now. Figure out what it is that you want to do, and then make the steps to realizing your dream.

[neva_black_n_white]

this may seem a little contradictive but to me it seems like you have planned your life so much and everything is set out that little too well that you are bign confused, maybe you have achieved you have done what you have desired but unfortunatley that is it, its dead end and maybe you dont enjoy, like you said why did you do your masters, did you have someone to prove it to, did you have to prove to yourself that you could do it? because in your post your seem to be looking at things from the angle that yes i am happy because i have this and this and this but do you want that? do you want the security? that may seem odd but maybe you havent experianced exactly what it was you wanted to, youve set yourself up well enough now, to experiance something different and feel secure enough that you have something to come back to. i reckon that you just need to experiance.

 

just a though.

 

kel

[Caldus]

I just want to say that I really enjoyed reading DiglyD's post as well as the other replies. DiglyD provided some powerful points. That post helped me as well and I'm glad he posted it.

[WhoamI]

Just wanted to express my gratitude on expressing your thoughts. I been thinking a lot these days.. and reading these posts..

 

Thanks all again.. i wish i stumbled on this forum before. I hope to be a regular..

[Bitterness Inc.]

DiglyD: one word. Inspiring.

[guitarman]

Rest assure Bro ... you are not the only one suffering from a constant search of uncertainty and objective in life. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning .... i just couldn't find any enery left to do anything ... and the day haven't even started.

 

I agree with the previous few replies. You are living a more sucessful life than I do. You have a Masters Degree, a wonderful Girlfriend and you are young. I'm 26 this year, I am paying for my own part time Degree now while I work and i don't even have time to think about dating. Sometimes I really feel like giving up .... but I always remind myself that if I don't achieve something now ..... I will never.

 

I always thought that there will come a phase in my life that I could achieve everything and just relax and enjoy the rest. But I realised that I'm wrong. Whatever that had been achieved in the past IS indeed in the past. We are constantly learning, constantly recieving. Just like a bacteria .... if it is not growing ... it is dead.

 

Hence I guess what you could do .... is to pick up some new hobbies. I love to play the guitar and I love Jazz music. And I can even say that it's my "Passion". There is a saying which goes, "If you live without passion, you are not living, you are merely existing".

 

Maybe the reason why you are not interested in anything is because you have not tried different things ... or rather have not stepped in deep enough. Have you tried Salsa Dancing? Rock Climbing? SCUBA diving? PC Gaming? Wake Boarding? Playing an instrument? People who are into such things are really passionate about them ... at least one of them.

 

Another advice to you .... is to trust God ....

[dikaia880]

I feel much like you do Whoami...

 

I'm 24, just graduated college a year ago...right before I graduated I met a great girl and lived in that town for a couple more months...then I moved to the place I thought I wanted to live...my relationship ended because I chased a dream...Unfortunately that dream wasn't what I wanted in reality. So here I am back to feeling like I did throughout most of my college days, but worse...as now I live in a large metro area I can't stand...So I've made my choice to try to be happier, I'm going back to that small college town to get an MBA, maybe it's not the right choice, but it's better than staying here and trying to make it work. There are a lot of kids our age (yeah we are still kids) that are going through this...people are calling it "quarter-life crisis" (there are actually books out there about it) we will get through this and we will be happy!

 

I think thats the key to live...keep striving to find what you want, you'll find it eventually...I doubt your depressed, I doubt I'm depressed...in my mind far too many people are considered depressed and thrown on drugs because it's an easy solution...it's not...Most people's "depression" is a temporary rut in which they can't focus on positives, only the negatives, and that only serves to bring them down...

 

DiglyD that was an amazing post...very inspiring!!! I started think about a child that my grandmother donated money to through one of those "25 cents a day gives this child a better life" things....I remember seeing pictures of the kid and reading the letters he wrote my grandma in appreciation...I might have to get me one of those kids (I know that sounds really weird saying it that way) I think it would greatly help my appreciation of what I do have, not what I don't!

 

My Grandma and Grandpa travel all over this world, they had pictures everywhere, and I remember talking to her after I had come back froma spring break trip to Mexico. We were talking about traveling and she told me there were two places I needed to see The Swiss Alps and New Zeland..and I'm forced to ask myself...why am I waiting...why am I waiting until I'm tied down by a family and expenses, why am I waiting for it to be too late?

 

I am honestly thinking that I have three weeks of free time before school starts in August after I leave my job....I have a credit card with no balance...why the heck don't I just buy that Harley I've always wanted, drive the three weeks away, charge it all and worry about the cash later, because next year just may be too late?

 

I guess my point is this, we need to find what makes us tick in order to be truly happy. DiglyD, you've really inspired me to quit dwelling on the things that aren't or cannot be...to quit worry about what will happen with my ex and I after I move back, to quit worry about the future and start living for today...you have provided that swift kick to the butt!!!

 

WhoamI...I hope you find what makes you tick, what brings you life...

Your girlfriend could also be the key to helping you find it...she may know you more than you know yourself...she may help you find the insight you need....Best of luck!!!

[jopo]

something i have noticed that many people fall back on when they are confused is religion. I am a christain, and we read the bible, this is the book to how to live our lives and we follow it. I feel what you feel, maybe not quite to the same extent, but i do go from one thing to the other, mostly the only thing that stays constant is girls, computers, and games. U just need to get out and party, looses up.(even though you might be trying to do this) if you are trying to do these things then i would suggest christianity. if you heart and soul is pure and believing then god will lead you in the right direction. another thing to remember, you will probably be unsure, until u find god. and remember he is always with you.

[vitalcoaching]

Hi,

 

Great answers!

 

I wanted to ask you a direct question (hope it's okay with you): "Do you actually want to do something about it?"

 

In situations like these, you get actually used to your present mind set. It takes determination, and will power to take action and actually change something in your life.

 

I feel that right now, the main thing you want is recognition of where you are at. You want validation. You are not saying something like: "Gosh. I am sick of this! I will do whatever it takes to shift it!"

 

This is the real challenge.

 

Right now, you are still in the "nurturing" stage. You look at these emotions and feelings. You don't like them but I believe you still did not reach your "saturation point".

 

What is this "saturation point"? It is this exact moment you decide to take action.

 

I believe that you are the master of your mind. You are the master of your existence. You are the person who has the greatest influence over what happens in your life.

 

It takes power and determination to "conquer" your life. You want to own your life tools. You want to own your energy! You want to wake up every morning and think: "whaou! A new day!"

 

As another poster said, what gets you excited in life is valuable goals! It is values, causes and actions your are ready to give your life for.

 

You can connect with a new mind set! You can aim for new refreshing targets in your existence but to succeed, you want to make it your number one priority.

 

Doubts, passivity and hesitations are your enemy. What brings you from where you are to where you want to be is action.

 

You don't know the right path? No problem. 90% of what you learn in life is about trying and experimenting. If you want to shift your mind set, you need to take action, try, experiment and see any step as a learning experience.

 

I am not saying this is easy to do. What I can guarantee you is that the moment you "wake up" and start taking steps (no matter what they are) you tap into a new set of inner resources. Call these resources your conquering power, your fighting skills.

 

It takes power and determination to break through an existing mind set. Change is always stressful and challenging. Every time you try new things in life, you always get in touch with a new set of thoughts, emotions and energies you need to integrate. This is why any change puts you under pressure. This is why many people will stay within a comfort zone they don't like rather than taking risks and stepping in unknow territories.

 

I admire you! I admire your move. You posted a question and got some great answers.

 

You have a positive base in life. Now, you could have much more but I believe, you'll need to fight for it.

 

Wake up your full power! You're worth it!

 

Does this make sense?

 

Good luck and stay in touch

 

vitalcoach