lillymountain Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 hi everyone, i stayed away from this forum for quite a while, hoping to figure out things by myself. i am still in my ldr but i really dont know if i can survive it any longer.... we had a rough patch for more than 6 months now which ended in a break down on my side - i literally collapsed at work, due to too much stress: working studying and being basically the one who does the travelling (earning 10 times more then me, not joking, he pays for the flights) i work at an intesive care unit and on the weekends i am off to university doing my masters degree - i still managed to find time to see my boyfriend twice a month (it is a 3 hour flight) by blocking my working hours. my gp diagnosed a burnout and was close to perscribe me antidepressants. in march my bf told me for the 2nd time that he had comittment issues, but that time he was more specific and told me that he was not sure if he could live monogamously......he said that and asked me not to run away and gave me keys to his appartment. i tried to handle it somehow, but couldnt, especially because he made quite a few comments about a girl at his office he had seen 8 months ago for the first time and that i didnt use all of my female, sexy ressources. before christmas i had offered to pause study and to move to his place - its all within the european union, so i would not have needed a visa or anything. he is not european and needs to stay in england (i am from the continent) for up to another year from now on, to get a passport. moving there for half a year would have been ok and actually feasable for me, and it would have been a way to fill the long time gap. he didnt watn me to and made a big deal out of it...and that was when all this commitment sh** started. it really hurt and it felt so unfair... it felt so unfair, because i had made a lot of sacrifices to set up a schedule that would allow us to see each other on a kind of a regular basis giving him time for his also demanding work. another problem: when we met he was not over his last gf, but never told me about her, till she showed up and then he kept contact for another 6 months letting her know, when i was in london. and the i got scared, very scared and clingy and needy and freaky, everything he finally said he would commit, but i was really not over this broken trust. one day he left his gmail open on my computer and i it was not a decent thing of me to do...but i went through them and that is how i found out, that he always told his ex when i was there i tried to break up, he pulled me back the problem now: he just sayed that we have been thrown a couple of months back and that he needed to find out if out relation was still his goal and that would take a while, but that he was confident and that i should just be patient and see what is gonna happen. that is so f** hard for me to do! what i would need now is a real and true comitment to be able to trust again. i was never more in love than i am with him, but it there is so much pain and i am gonna fly home tomorrow feeling alone again.... thank you so much for reading this horribly long post lilly lillymountain is offline Reply With Quote Link to comment
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