What are some signs you are in the friend zone with ex?

[cherryberry123]

I was just curious how an ex who just sees you as a friend vs. an ex who is trying to reconcile differ. Isn't the process pretty identical...you guys hang out, share secrets, flirt etc.

 

Based on my ex's gestures, actions, words etc...I really get the impression his feelings are still present, and he may want to reconcile down the road. We have been broken up for 9 months now. We are getting along great and are slowly getting closer. My gut feeling is telling me he is trying to see where it may lead again, but is being cautious.

[Batya33]

The way I knew it had changed was when my now husband, during our third evening of hanging out as friends over a period of three weeks, asked whether I wanted to get back together. We had been broken up for almost 8 years at that time. I would not have continued to spend time with him for much longer if we hadn't had a specific talk about our intentions - which I preferred to come from him for a few personal reasons. I wanted to get married and start a family in the not too distant future and didnt' want to waste my time and get emotionally attached to someone who didnt' want the same.

 

I think there are similarities between friends/getting back together but typically a person who wants to get back together wants the other person to know that ASAP so that someone else doesn't come along and snap them up. "Red flags" are if the person talks about people they are dating or want to date, places they plan to go to meet new people, referring to you many times over as a friend/buddy, etc. (so that he doesn't lead you on) etc.

[hotrod8472]

well me and my ex are friends, i really havnt brought the idea of getting back together yet because we've only been talking for about 3 weeks now lc but im pretty sure she knows and im actually happy that she is out having fun and meeting new people because when we were together she never went anywhere because she thought i didnt want her to but when she is out meeting new people and all they want is some tail then she will see that i was different and that i only cared for her and her well being.

[Batya33]

well me and my ex are friends, i really havnt brought the idea of getting back together yet because we've only been talking for about 3 weeks now lc but im pretty sure she knows and im actually happy that she is out having fun and meeting new people because when we were together she never went anywhere because she thought i didnt want her to but when she is out meeting new people and all they want is some tail then she will see that i was different and that i only cared for her and her well being.

 

That's interesting that you are willing to risk her being snapped up by someone else -- I would think there would be a happy medium where you would ask her to get back together and assure her that you want her to have a full social life (just not date other people). When I was out there meeting people with a mindset to date I met some people who were not well-intentioned as you wrote but most of the people I met were.

[cherryberry123]

This is a old thread, but I thought it would be good to make it active again for members that believe they may be "friend zoned"

 

I'm not going to ask for advice on my own situation, 'cause I know it's not going to lead anywhere. I even asked friends about my situation, and they don't know what to say either! My ex is almost impossible to read.

 

I hung out with my ex for the 5th time yesterday. We went for a walk on the beach. How do I feel after? I..don't even know. I am stuck in limbo. One of my old friends knows my current situation, and she feels he's just saying things that I want to hear. Others have said this also. For example, I might say "I miss you" and he'll say "I miss you too". If I question him about wanting to hang out, he said he likes to hang out with me. I brought this point up with him yesterday, which he replied "I wouldn't do that. That wouldn't be fair to you and would be leading you on". My friend interpreted it as "He doesn't want to lead me on". I was just more confused. So, him expressing he misses me too ISN'T leading me on? Him telling me "you look really nice!" after I told him people were calling in overweight isn't leading me on? Him saying "you're so cute!" isn't leading me on? It's not even what he says, it's some of his actions. Every time we hang out, there is some slight physical contact. Some things that stick out:

-When he took me out for lunch, he was willing to pay for the whole bill. When we got in the car, I kept trying to give 10 bucks to him. I decided to put it on the side pocket on the door (on my side). He leans over while touching the side of my thigh to try to grab it.

-When I was planning to give him a little keychain of mine, he said for me to keep it and rubbed my arm for a slight second

-When we were going to climb down the rocks at the beach, he spotted a wasp. He kind of freaked out and backed away. I went to take a closer look and freaked out too. He grabs my hand which was in a fist for a slight second, and switches to my wrist to pull me back.

-When I was climbing up the rocks that same day, I was about to grasp onto a thin branch. He told me to give him my hand, but I gave him my wrist since my finger was bleeding after I touched glass.

-He put the bandage on for me!

-When we sit on the rocks along the beach, he likes to sit right next to me...side by side. The first time we went to the beach and sat on the rocks, he started swaying towards me for a little bit

-Every time we meet up, he always tried to feel my biceps because we have both been working out. Yesterday, I reciprocated for fun..and he tensed his biceps like he's trying to show off. He used to do this before we were going out to impress me.

 

I'm not asking for advice, just trying to write out my updates to keep as a record.

When I discussed things with him last night, I realized he really is quite busy. He is working full time and going to school. He said he barely has time for himself, let alone anyone else. He'll be less busy in September.

I should be happy that he's willing to hang out with me, but I still question if I'm friend zoned. I know I overanalyze too much.

 

My current plan is to not be so available and hang out whenever he asks to (if he asks). He's too busy for a relationship currently. We'll see how things turn out...

 

I would love to hear people's opinions on when you know you are friend zoned?

[jinxremoving]

Anything other than him saying "I want you back" is entirely immaterial. You're letting him have his cake and eat it. He's probably enjoying the attention and what (for him) is harmless flirting. Regardless, you're letting him do it, delaying your healing process and leaving him with absolutely no need to make a decision as he knows he can have you any time he wants.

[irishjig]

So is being friendzoned every situation other than being in a relationship? Because until you are committed to each other you are still friends?

Its just a matter of making sure you dont get stuck in that zone, that there is some moves towards committing. I suppose I could analyse every word and every move but what I get from it might not be what he means. I thought we were over but there seems to be a chance but I'm not hanging on his every word. So I've simply said I do not want to be your friend right now, this communication is the foundation for us moving forward together. So he knows and agrees and I have to trust him, while getting on with my own life.

[laura-j]

I've been in the friendzone for a while now, but it is so funny because he talks so much about "us" and our "relationship" more than I have talked relationships in past really long term relationships. How to make things better etc.

 

Now he wants to "snuggle" all night, going on "dates", etc. I'm like really? This is so silly. He is totally into me, not being delusional, calls/texts/emails several times a day, updates me what he is doing and who with, wants to spend whole weekends with me, etc. I have told him just friends isn't what I want. We are feeling it out again, baby steps.

 

I have to say when I told him I started seeing someone else (which is true and only a few times) he has ramped it up a bit. We are going on another "not date" tonight. It was kinda hard at first, but it actually makes me lalugh now. I'm like really snuggle all night? Yeah my friends and I do that ALL the time. (There has been no sex, so it's not a booty call situation.)

 

Just playing it cool and waiting it out. He'll be back.

[uncomfynumb]

Signs you are in the friendzone? Well the first one is that you have to ask in the first place...

 

Some people have an affinity for merry go rounds and others do not. The real ? to be asked is not "am I?" but "why am I?"

[Strife]

Well I'm apparently in the 'friend zone' with my ex, and although its not what I want, I have to put up with it, because I have to live with her for a year.

The problem is, is that at the moment, I don't know whether I should be this 'friend' and see what her intentions are - she's shown previously that she doesn't like the idea of me dating/seeing anyone else and that she wants to be single, however, she wants us to be super close, and do things like we're still going out. Or I might just be amicable/civil. But we'll see what happens when we get back - we were/are LDR at the moment, till our return to Uni in September.