Do I contact the rebound girl????

[SeSpray]

Hi all! Here's my situation, yet again! You can read my first post here:

 

link removed

 

Well, apparently the rebound girl hasn't let it go because she's verbally attacking a friend of mine. She's saying nasty things about her at the office and getting other people to not trust her. My friend is going home every day crying because the rebound girl won't let it go. It's been 2 months since my b/f and I got back together and things couldn't be better! Except for this issue. So, I've had the rebound girl's email address for a while now and just haven't contacted her because I figured there was no need to. However, she's now disparaging my friend over this and I feel I should protect my friend. Let me know what you think. Should I contact her? Should I tell her how everything unfolded and that my friend had no clue until we put the pieces together and that it was actually another friend of mine that blew it all out of the water???

 

I desperately need help with this one. I'm so sick of it coming back up every couple of weeks and can't seem to move forward when it is brought back up. If you need more detail, just let me know.

 

Thank you!

[hurtbylove]

No, you shouldn't contact the rebound girl. It's just not needed.

 

That would be like pouring gas onto the flames.

 

I think it's only natural for her to be outraged and lashing out. Someone she was involved with left her for someone else. It hurts like hell.

 

I think you should let it calm down and resolve itself. No need for you to get into the picture.

[TrueHeart]

I agree... this will negatively effect your rekindled relationship instead of what you hope it would do, and thats get the rebound to leave you alone. Your friend needs to really put her foot down and tell her to mind her own business. What she's doing is truly a shame, and is done out of irrationality and anger, but YOU CANNOT GET INVOLVED. This indefinitely will only complicate things with you and your old beau.

 

If things start to complicate things in her job, your friend needs to really take things up with her supervisor and advice management that this person will not leave her alone, and is slandering her.. thats the important thing. At a job, that is a form of harassment- and as management, to keep harmony in the company, it is their job to monitor the behavior at work, but not to correct it entirely... Again, your friend needs to put her foot down.. Confront this person herself. But what you dont need to do is email her... No no no NO! Then you are leaving youself open to take on the cannon fire...

[kate111]

I feel sorry for "rebound girl". She is a human being you know and she must be hurting really badly to lash out like this.

 

She will calm down. Just give her some space.

 

And be kind.

[SeSpray]

Thank you to each of you for your advice. I completely understand where you are coming from. I myself have been a "rebound girl" and I do in fact feel for her. I know that nothing that happened was her fault. He wasn't honest with her (just like he wasn't honest with me) and I know that she was a victim in the whole situation. He used her to try and get past us, unfortunately for her, our relationship wasn't over and he didn't indicate that to her at all. The only reason I thought about contacting her was to tell her that I understood what she had been going through and to give her the story of what happened on my end so that if there were any unanswered questions on her end, then maybe I could help her to answer them. I'm not wanting to be her friend, but I know that when I was the rebound girl, I had a million and one questions and never got the honest truth. Some part of me believes that had I heard the whole truth I could have let go a little easier. Plus, she thinks that my friend is the one spreading all the rumors around about the situation when in reality, my friend did everything she could to try and protect her. She doesn't know this of course, because she doesn't know how it all came out.

 

So, in essense, I'm not wanting to hurt although I know it would hurt to hear from me, I'm just trying to offer her some closure so that she will know the answers to any questions she may have. Maybe that's wrong of me and maybe I should wait because I know eventually I will meet her. My best friend is the office manager and I visit her at work about once every three-four months. So one day, she will have to face me and I too will have to face her. I was hoping that maybe this could make that eventual meeting somewhat easier for both of us.

[kate111]

Seaspray,

I hate to be negative but there is one thing you are forgetting here.

 

Your boyfriend wasn't honest with you before and he wasn't honest with the rebound girl either.

 

What makes you think he is going to be honest with you now. You have already seen that he is capable of lying. Must have been pretty big lies for rebound girl to be so hurt.

 

You say that it wasn't the rebound girl's fault but was just the situation but this isn't true. it was your BOYFRIEND"s fault.

 

Maybe if you actually did contact rebound girl you would discover alot of things he hasn't told you.

 

I would watch out for this guy. He accepts none of the responsibility for hurting this poor girl. He has lied before and possibly will again.

[SeSpray]

Hi Kate!

 

You're not being negative in anyway! And I appreciate the advice that you are giving. I know he hasn't been honest and has lied to me, that's another situation that I'm trying to deal with. This is the first time he's lied to me and so I feel I should give him another chance. He's always been honest before. It's that whole cliche of 1st time shame on you, second time shame on me. So, if he was to lie to me again, I of course wouldn't stay with him, I'd end it.

 

She was so hurt because she thought that their relationship was a lot deeper than it actually was. Yes, that's his fault for allowing her to believe that, but I also know, from my friend who talked to her, that she did read a lot more into things. She's a very naive person and has only had 1 other relationship in her lifetime.

 

I've thought about what she may end up saying to me and that she may tell me a lot of what I don't know, but I'm not wanting to know any of that, and wouldn't ask her to reveal any of it. Just thought I would try and offer her the information so that she would know.

 

Thanks again for your help!