why isn't he calling??

[Mun]

Don't look at this as a failure. It's very normal to want answers. We all do, but sometimes we don't like what we hear. That's why I say " don't call him and don't ask him" Let him be the one to contact you first that way you dont appear needy or pushy, and the other person doesn't feel sorry for you or feel the need to avoid you in the future.( No risk of rejection if you are not calling him)

 

Read a book, go out with friends, anything that will get you out there. You will heal and you will feel alot better about this. Don't try not to think about him, that's nearly impossible. Instead try devoting only 15 min of your day to it and leave the rest for you.

 

How can someone miss you if you won't go away?

[sweetione]

John,

 

You are right.

 

But unfortunately, I needed that conversation. As deneaming and pathetic as i may have come off. I needed it. Now I am ready to move on.

 

From now on it will be no contact...i hope it isn't too late.

[skynet74]

John,

 

You are right.

 

But unfortunately, I needed that conversation. As deneaming and pathetic as i may have come off. I needed it. Now I am ready to move on.

 

From now on it will be no contact...i hope it isn't too late.

------------------

 

I dont' think it's to late. Just don't fall into the same trap so many others have fallen into. Those little moments of weakeness where you convince yourself that one little phone call wouldn't hurt. Once you do that you have to start No Contact from Day 1 again. I've done it too. This morning I cried my eyes out because I know my Ex is at her Dad's for a Fathers Day Barbecue today. I should be there. For 10 years I was. Now suddenly she breaks up with me and doesn't want me there. That hurts more than anything. Not only am I no longer with my Girlfriend.... but I also lost my extended family too. Her family Loves me. Unfortunately it's her that claims she no longer does. It's days like today that bring more pain then I ever thought I would have to feel again. As I cried this morning I looked at the phone and wanted to call. But I knew that the last 20 days of not calling would just seem like a joke if I gave in. I've come this far. I'm not going back now. She needs to come to me once she realizes what she did. Only then will we have a chance of getting back together for "THE RIGHT" reason.

 

 

 

John

[d346]

sweetione,

 

Here is another thing to consider. Sometimes people with baggage can't handle everything going on in their lives...including the good things! But sometimes you can't convince them that their lives are better with you. They have to figure it out themselves.

 

Consider this perhaps a blessing in disguise (something similar happened to me) Perhaps it is best that he gets over his issues with the divorce, etc before he focuses on you (yes, i know, a little late now) But better now, than years down the road...after you invested all your heart soul and time, and he says something absurd like "I've never been single" in some sort of mid life crisis. It's better for YOU, that he is pulling away now...saving you some future HARDER heartbreak down the line if he can't deal with his issues. However, if it's meant to be, he will realize that a relationship with you is not a burden in his life, but an asset, and he may come back. Then it's up to YOU, if you want him back!

[DragonGirl724]

i agree completely w/ D346.

 

my ex told me the exact same thing!!! word for word actually:

 

"ive never been single & able to just spend time w/ my boys. its best i do it now rather than years down the line when we're married & have real responsiblities like careers, family, etc."

 

and in my opinion just consider this time apart as a test. a test of your love for him, his love for you, testing also your strength & confidence, & your level of understanding & independance. everyone is scared & nervous while taking a test b/c you arent sure of the outcome. but if it is true love you both will pass with flying colors! just keep in mind & ACCEPT the fact that in the end your results might not be what you want & expect RIGHT NOW. and you will learn things for the future through trial & error now. a future with or without him.

 

take care i know how tough it is. im right there goin through the same thing with you, along with the support of many others going through the same thing. wishing you all the best & strength on those difficult nights.

 

God Bless,

-DG724

[sweetione]

The last 2 days have been hell for me. I feel so awful for calling him on sunday. I really believe I messed up and pushed him further away. I thought maybe sending an email apologizing and saying i wouldn't bother him anymore but I just kept saying no contact over and over in my head til it passed. And then I keep thinking how he told me that his feelings are not the same ones that I have for him and just how distant he sounds. It seems weird to me that 4 weeks ago we were having dinner and hanging out, even though we were broken up and I did 4 weeks nc until i saw him at the fair and he approached me; but I felt a wall between us and that is what freaked me out and I called him and made all the mistakes.

 

Do you think that he just 'thinks' his feelings are gone and with time he will miss me. Or are they really gone? He also told me that there were alot of nice guys out there for me.

I thought we had a true love but with his comments about his feelings not the same, i don't know what to believe anymore.

Everyday is going to be a challenge, but today is day 2.

[d346]

you never know what will happen. -but at this point, just think of saving your own pride to get you through this. You needed some answers and called him. We all have felt that way -and in a way you got them. Don't regret the phone call. You are allowed to appear upset...he dumped you in a text message!! He can't get away that easy!

 

But now, it may be time to concentrate on what you need -and you need to keep your pride-you don't want to have to chase after a man! He should chase after you! Either eventually he will, or someone better will.

 

Hang in there. I've been there. You will feel better in time...I promise!!!

[skynet74]

I haven't called my Ex-girlfriend in 21 Days. Tough and painful is an understatement for what this is. We were together for 10 Years! Most of the time I just feel like I am torturing myself by not calling. I know that she would probably pick up the phone and talk to me if I called. But then where I be? I'll be the chump who looks like he is chasing after her again. That's the exact same person who drove her away in the first place. So I think about that and haven't called.

 

She still comes by to get her mail a couple times a week. The past two times I made sure that I wasn't here. I'm afraid it will just be more painful to see her now then anything. I know that it's only a matter of time before she shows up and I'm home. When that happens I will be cordial and act perfectly happy like I did a couple weeks ago. Am I happy? NO..... I'm freaking Miserable. I can't show her that though. Then she'll still feel in control and keep stepping all over me. My strategy is to avoid contact and Not To Call. When she sees that I can stand up on my own two feet without her, then she may gain some respect back for me.

 

However..... as long as she isn't calling me, then that means she's not back to the caring woman I love. So I would rather not talk to her in her current state of mind anyway. Makes me look forward to the day she does call on her own. Then at least I'll know there is at least a possibility that the nice caring girlfriend may be back again. Until that happens..... This is the Hardest time of my Life. I often wish I could fast forward a couple months into the future when perhaps things would be better. Right now this pain is Killing me.

 

 

 

John

[sweetione]

I had given my ex a travel pass. I work for an airline and I am allowed to give my pass to a long term companion, which means he could fly anywhere, anytime for free. After our phone conversation on sunday, I decided I needed to get the pass back because he is telling me he only wants to be an occasional friend to me and then all my friends were telling me to get it back.

So Sunday night I called my ex back and kept it very simple and short. Just that I need the pass back and he could just mail it back to me. I also told him that I didn't want him to think it wasn't important and to throw it away. He said fine, give me your address again, i gave it to him and yesterday i received it in the mail. It was just my pass. I know this is a small thing but I was wondering what he was thinking or is this not possible to know.

Was it ok i asked for the pass back or should i have waited? I just was thinking that if i going to do nc that i should get the pass back since i would eventually have to contact him so that I could turn it in at work to change it.

And then it really bothers me that it was just my pass, no words, nothing. Maybe i am just reading into it or maybe that is the way it is suppose to be.

[dida]

He said that he wants you to be "occasional" friends and you're just "reacting".. you asked him for your pass and he mailed it to you... nothing wrong about that.. i think you had every right to ask him for "all" your things back since he started it all anyway and gave you your clothes back that night...

 

And then.. you said that when you asked his friend what was wrong with him.. he told you all about his dating you right after his divorce.. and i think this should tell you something with all the posts over here that told you to see someone new...

Maybe 12 months ago he was trying to get over his divorce and forget how he felt about his ex-wife and you just appeared in his life.. you went out and you did have a nice time together.. you loved him.. whether he did love you too or not isn't sure.. but even if he did feel something for you.. it could be not very true.. it could be that he was emotionally unstable at that time and you were nice and you got close and that's it and that's all...!

 

I'm not sure whether this conclusion is right.. but i'm positive that you should try your best not to think about him.. i know it won't be easy to forget him right away and i know it will take time... but however don't call him to say you miss him or whatever.. he never does and if he wanted to he would have just done that!!!

 

Try to find new things you like.. think about the things you've always wanted to do and never had the time.. now you're free and now you have it so do them..! Time will pass and you'll understand things better.. you'll be calmer and things will get clear.. he may call or he may not.. but don't hope he will.. let go.. he's doing that!!

 

dida

[danimal77]

My ex was getting over her fiance at the time we met. In fact she hadn't even left him yet. Was I the deciding factor? Probably yes.

 

Should this deter me today, thinking that I was just a rebound guy? No. We lasted for almost 2 years and I know the mistakes I've made anyways, I just wanted to add that point, that just because Sweetiones ex, was just recently divorced when she met him, should have no bearing on her current status, or haow she should proceed from this point forward.

 

Sweetione, if I can give you any advice at all. Do no act on impulse again. Be strong, confident and sure of yourself. Use your head when you make a move in the future. Be smart about it. IT must be thought out, to see everything that could possibly go wrong, so that you can be flexible and deviate if you have to. Only fools rush in and that was my previous mistake. I would also be a fool to think that my ex would take me back when I do eventually initiate contact. It's a long, hard road, but the pot of gold is a sweet one,if you play it right.

 

Peace,

 

Danimal

[Mun]

Sweetione I hope you stop calling him now. This is just setting you up to get hurt. You will not get the results you expect or the reaction you want from him now. Think about it from his perspective, how do you think you look to him?

 

There's this story in spanish where the man leaves home but later asks his wife to send him the picture he had on the wall, later he asks her to send him the nail that held the picture . He wanted to have some kind of connection. The airplane ticket thing is done don't worry about it. I wouldn't ask for any other of the things you gave him, they were gifts at a time when you two were a couple.

 

The only way you will know if he really cares for you is if you give him the space he wants. He needs to get over his divorce so that he can be ready to love someone. You may still be a possibility in his future but that depends also on how you act now. Be confident, go out and try to get on with your life. He just might reach out to you once he sees the possibility of losing you.