tyring really hard to not live in vain

[saku]

i have this overwhelming urge to just give up on life and society. everything about me is never right. three years ago i was 19 and i wanted to kill myself because of rejection lonliness and pain that would never go away. now at 22 i have made many efforts to make things better but too many vital things are missing in my life. i dont have a gf which hurts cause i see the majority with someone. when i try to meet someone, they don't care. i guess what bothers me more right now is the advice people give me. i have a therapists who i don't even remember how i ended up going to her but i hate it. i try to go in there telling her honestly how i feel. for me, the majority of my days are pretty frustrating and pointless to go through yet i try to tell her any good that happens as well.

 

i don't know what i want her to say, but she either sits there and looks at me for minutes at a time or just tells me to "just change" or to stop allowing things to happen. i know we as humans are responsible for our feelings and actions but i have thought long and hard about this allowing thing and i don't think it is something everyone can "just" easily do. things if that were the case i wouldn't have to talk to her or anyone else again because i would be perfect. i can't speak for other people but i know how i feel and this pain in my heart didn't get here because i told it to. to me these simple things like "just do it" or "just stop feeling sad" makes me feel even more hopeless and and alone in all this. trying not to feel sad is something i've worked hard on for awhile now. don't misunderstand me i don't expect someone to give me the right answers. 'm trying to do this on my own as best as possible. but what's the point? i don't like being told to either "change or don't complain"when i am pushing myself more than ever to find a purpose in life. and if the thngs in my heart are nothing more than whining complaints to everyone, then what's the point of talking about them. there are other things that are bothering me, but i can't say it all right now. i didn't try to overexxagerate my problems here or come off whining. it's just people have always told me to meet people and things hal way yet no one or nothng is ever there waiting for me whether i go halway, or all the way to them. it's stupid and i just don't understand anymore. sorry if this was too long or stupid or anyhting. bye for now.

[Eh Im Canadian]

Well, it mostly sounds like you feel abandoned in the world right now. The biggest lesson you can learn in life is that life isn't fair, and the only way to make things more fair is to do it yourself. Sounds like your therapist is a well, rectal itch? Theres a good word that won't get censored! Telling people to "just change" doesn't work very well most of the time, You have to tell them hwo to change or what to change into. People won't always meet you halfway even if they expect you to do it to them. You should try to see if you can do your part to make life fair, so other people might start to follow by example. Hope you find what you are looking for.

[t-dog]

I feel like I need a little more info... when your therapist says to "just change" what exactly are you trying to change? Is it about meeting people? What are you trying to do that's not working for you? How are you going about trying to meet new people?

[Celadon]

Hi Saku, I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so bummed.

 

About your therapist, she doesn't seem like she's helping you at all. Sometimes you have to try a couple different therapists before you find one you like. So, find another one and try him/her for awhile. Don't stay with someone who isn't working for you. This is your life, you can choose another option. (That's part of the fun of life -- choosing!)

 

I respect you for coming to this site and asking for help. That's a good step.

 

I want to encourage you to try volunteering for something -- helping someone else out. People who have needs (seniors, homeless, kids) are sometimes more open and genuine than people who feel like they've got it all together. When I volunteer, I feel like I get something back. People are *really* appreciative when you help them out, and it makes you feel good, too.

 

If you can, go find one or more community service agencies and ask them if they need help with anything. Tell them what types of things you can do (that you enjoy doing). Try it out. See what happens. If it works out, you'll have something of your own -- you'll feel less rejection and more satisfaction in life.

 

I hope some of this helps, Saku.