Is it effective to smack the fingers or hand of a 1 year old?

[Catdancer]

In your experience as either the child or the parent, what do you think?

[XxJustMexX]

It was effective for me... They need to learn to equate bad behavior with something and at such a young age, talking or scolding doesn't do much good as they're not receiving any negative stimuli that "scares" them enough to stop the bad behavior. In my opinion, a slap on the hand in addition to a firm "No!" will stop bad behavior rather than just a simple no as they're not going to be afraid of just the words... My 2 cents.

[waveseer]

If your goal is to instill fear and painful memories then that will work. What are you trying to accomplish?

[BellaDonna]

With my son, it just teaches him to smack me, aside from whatever bad behavior he was dong before that. Worse, he might start hitting other kids on the hand when they do something wrong. So I avoid it.

 

If he is doing something bad, (i.e. about to throw something he shouldn't even be touching- like my vase) I will take him by the hand and look into his eyes and say "no- you don't throw things" in a stern, low-toned voice.

[XxJustMexX]

If your goal is to instill fear and painful memories then that will work. What are you trying to accomplish?

 

It's much more painful for that toddler to get burned by the stove. I'd rather instill in them fear of doing something bad than have them experience something unnecessary (such as getting burned) just for the sake of relieving them a childhood of "painful memories". I highly doubt a smack on the hand here and there to let them know what's bad is enough to send them to a psychiatrist in the future.

[Lamour detruit]

 

If he is doing something bad, (i.e. about to throw something he shouldn't even be touching- like my vase) I will take him by the hand and look into his eyes and say "no- you don't throw things" in a stern, low-toned voice.

 

This..right here, is much better. I would never condone any kind of smacking for my kids, regardless of how little. Better to just be stern and consistent as shown in the action above.

[waveseer]

It's much more painful for that toddler to get burned by the stove. I'd rather instill in them fear of doing something bad than have them experience something unnecessary (such as getting burned) just for the sake of relieving them a childhood of "painful memories". I highly doubt a smack on the hand here and there to let them know what's bad is enough to send them to a psychiatrist in the future.

 

You can keep 1 year olds away from the stove and other dangers by using playpens and child gates. I do believe it's important to hold a child's hand near streets and high traffic sidewalks.

[Citlali]

Yeah, I agree with BellaDonna.

 

I can't speak for when I was that young, but when I was older than your son, I was smacked a lot and that did nothing but make me resentful and more careful about how to hide any behavior I thought would make my mother angry. It also made me afraid to approach her with issues or the truth as I figured I'd get that instead of understanding and an opportunity to apologize. That kind of continues to this day and I am 25. It instilled in me a fear of my own mother. Granted, it was more than a smack on the fingers, but physical punishments can progress as the child gets older. In short, I don't really like hitting in any way, even just on the fingers early on. Try non-physical punishments and positive reinforcement. I think they can work better short of your child having more serious behavioral issues, which isn't the case here. I know they worked on me when other people disciplined me. Most things I did were silly mistakes anyway, not purposeful destruction so getting smacked for that didn't really square with me.

[Catdancer]

If he is doing something bad, (i.e. about to throw something he shouldn't even be touching- like my vase) I will take him by the hand and look into his eyes and say "no- you don't throw things" in a stern, low-toned voice.

 

This is what I do. I did try smacking the back of his hand once and that was all it took for me to never do it again. First, I cried. I hated doing it, but I wanted to see if it would have an impact on him. Second, he looked at me like I was crazy, then hit me back, then kept doing what he wasnt supposed to be doing, so it was completely useless and only taught him to hit me.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Agreed, BellaDonna makes the great point that it teaches the child to hit others. At 1 year old, this may not be the case but you may find it is the only way you can handle his outbursts if you don't implement other strategies.

 

I think children can be taught to avoid danger or bad behavior in less violent ways. When my mother would smack me, I knew it was because she had no control and I hated her for it.

[Catdancer]

When my mother would smack me, I knew it was because she had no control and I hated her for it.

 

This is where it becomes about the parent and bad parenting, not the child. I have never lost control with my son. Now I've had to stop and count to like 989,234 a couple of times, but I havent lost control. Even when I smacked his hand the one time that I did it, I was calm and I spoke to him in a calm voice, which is probably why he completely ignored the smack and hit me back. He probably thought we were playing.

[XxJustMexX]

I think children can be taught to avoid danger or bad behavior in less violent ways. When my mother would smack me, I knew it was because she had no control and I hated her for it.

 

Wait, are we talking about a little smack on the hand, or at we talking about a hardcore beating...? Because a little smack on the hand is far from violent.

 

In my opinion, looking at society over a large course of time, it seems that the older generation who WERE given physical punishment for bad behavior have grown up to be a generation of responsible adults, whereas young children and children nowadays are growing in number when it comes to gangs, drugs and bad behavior... all because of people being afraid to spank their children nowadays. Just an observation...

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

This is where it becomes about the parent and bad parenting, not the child. I have never lost control with my son. Now I've had to stop and count to like 989,234 a couple of times, but I havent lost control. Even when I smacked his hand the one time that I did it, I was calm and I spoke to him in a calm voice, which is probably why he completely ignored the smack and hit me back. He probably thought we were playing.

 

Ya, I don't mean to say that for every parent who hits, but for her it was because of that.

 

I think you're doing fine, Cat

[itsallgrand]

From what I have seen, in my fam it is common to use these sorts of techniques to try and teach little ones. And what I have seen repeatedly is an increase in acting up - bad behavior, whining, temper tantrums.

 

I personally agree more with Bella Donna's technique. I don't have kids, you know, but I do have a lot of experience with little ones.

 

Also, I was raised with a lot of " * * * for tat" mentality on my mom's end, and it had me feeling very early on how scared my mom was. I think it can lead to more anxiety in a kid as a by product too.

[Citlali]

Wait, are we talking about a little smack on the hand, or at we talking about a hardcore beating...? Because a little smack on the hand is far from violent.

 

In my opinion, looking at society over a large course of time, it seems that the older generation who WERE given physical punishment for bad behavior have grown up to be a generation of responsible adults, whereas young children and children nowadays are growing in number when it comes to gangs, drugs and bad behavior... all because of people being afraid to spank their children nowadays. Just an observation...

 

 

With all due respect, it is an incorrect observation. Those negative activities in children's lives come not from a lack of spanking but a total lack of parenting due to the parents having more than one job and not being there to supervise and bond with their kids (in the simplest of terms).

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Wait, are we talking about a little smack on the hand, or at we talking about a hardcore beating...? Because a little smack on the hand is far from violent.

 

In my opinion, looking at society over a large course of time, it seems that the older generation who WERE given physical punishment for bad behavior have grown up to be a generation of responsible adults, whereas young children and children nowadays are growing in number when it comes to gangs, drugs and bad behavior... all because of people being afraid to spank their children nowadays. Just an observation...

 

Well, hitting a child in order to stop a behavior is always violent, but to varying degrees. Typically the strength of the hitting amps up as the age of the child increases.

 

I am not sold on the observation, I think there are many confounding variables to know exactly what societal changes have led to a perceived shift in childhood behavior (lower sibship sizes, families living further away, technology creating insensitivity, etc, etc). Children in poverty, for instance, are most likely to be hit by parents as punishment but are also the most likely to commit crimes.

[Applewhite]

No smacking.

[Citlali]

Children in poverty, for instance, are most likely to be hit by parents as punishment but are also the most likely to commit crimes.

 

Yes, because the parents are usually not at home a lot due to having to work double shifts and whatnot to survive. That leaves the kids with tons of free time and no family, which leads in turn to joining gangs for support and protection, doing drugs to cope with the pain of not having a family, and committing crimes to get by in life and as a way to have 'fun'.

[Lamour detruit]

I always hear this baloney about how much more disciplined kids used to be, and how not being strict with them by spanking allows them to be a lot more of a pain in the ass. I call bull on this. Where are the studies that spanking / slapping helps a tiny bit ?..I would dare say that you are much more likely to have a bad effect by installing fear into the child by doing so, leading to worse things..such as the child being afraid of the parent, or getting the wrong assumptions because of it. Society as a whole has changed, I am sure plenty of factors have come into the behavior of children as well.

 

There are plenty of methods out there to assure your kids good behavior, and none of them have to involve any kind of slapping or what have you. I will never lay a hand on my kids, no matter what.

[XxJustMexX]

With all due respect, it is an incorrect observation. Those negative activities in children's lives come not from a lack of spanking but a total lack of parenting due to the parents having more than one job and not being there to supervise and bond with their kids (in the simplest of terms).

 

I'm no scientist and this is definitely a hard puzzle to decipher (the rise in bad behavior in society) but I'm very confident that the lack of physical punishment has a lot to do with children's bad behavior these days. I've spoken to many people in their 50s-80s, a generation where spanking wasn't frowned upon and done normally, and they all turned out fine... Now, in the days of going to jail for smacking your child on the hand, there's more violence rising... I'm pretty sure that's not coincidence. It's just hard to believe that once spanking children waned and violence rose, that it has nothing to do with each other...

[H20]

I was spanked as a child...and I am not a demented evil monster who hit other poeple.

 

It varies child to child. What works for one might not for another. This is one of those subjects that tend to turn into needless debates about who is right or wrong. Do what is best for YOUR child and what works. Listening to other peoples opinions about how mean it is or not does NO good.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I'm no scientist and this is definitely a hard puzzle to decipher (the rise in bad behavior in society) but I'm very confident that the lack of physical punishment has a lot to do with children's bad behavior these days. I've spoken to many people in their 50s-80s, a generation where spanking wasn't frowned upon and done normally, and they all turned out fine... Now, in the days of going to jail for smacking your child on the hand, there's more violence rising... I'm pretty sure that's not coincidence. It's just hard to believe that once spanking children waned and violence rose, that it has nothing to do with each other...

 

I encourage you to study up on the subject with peer-reviewed Sociological journals. Older generations weren't as well behaved as you're believing, newer generations aren't as bad as you're painting them and social changes are the result of a huge change in the way families live. Smacking kids is probably the lowest on the list of influences for good children, if it is on there at all.

 

Divorce, absent parents, working parents, you name it, it matters more.

[XxJustMexX]

By the way... In recent years, I've seen more teenagers cuss their parents out (those who apparently weren't given consequences)... I'd like to see this 30 years ago when spanking wasn't a big deal.

 

Also, I don't buy the poverty thing. I live in a rich upscale neighborhood and see snooty, spoiled children all over... They don't listen to their parents, talk back to them, and have bad attitudes... These are NOT children of poverty, but some of which even have stay at home mothers... How is this explained?

[Citlali]

I'm no scientist and this is definitely a hard puzzle to decipher (the rise in bad behavior in society) but I'm very confident that the lack of physical punishment has a lot to do with children's bad behavior these days. I've spoken to many people in their 50s-80s, a generation where spanking wasn't frowned upon and done normally, and they all turned out fine... Now, in the days of going to jail for smacking your child on the hand, there's more violence rising... I'm pretty sure that's not coincidence. It's just hard to believe that once spanking children waned and violence rose, that it has nothing to do with each other...

 

Well, I am a scientist and it's not that hard a puzzle to decipher. I majored in urban and biological anthropology and have studied, researched, and spent time with gangs and gang members, and I can tell you that you are incorrect. Like someone above mentioned, kids who ultimately end up in gangs actually are physically punished more than the average child and it does nothing for them. Why? Because the real culprit is not having parents at all. Is that true of EVERY child that ends up in a gang or is violent? Of course not. There are exceptions. But largely, your hypothesis is incorrect. But I digress. This thread is about a little baby in a completely different environment than that of poor, gang kids.

 

How is this explained?

 

For the same reasons poor kids join gangs, there is no parenting. Rich children are often left to raise themselves amidst the richness their parents provide. The parents believe they can substitute their presence with toys, money, etc.

[Lamour detruit]

I'm no scientist and this is definitely a hard puzzle to decipher (the rise in bad behavior in society) but I'm very confident that the lack of physical punishment has a lot to do with children's bad behavior these days. I've spoken to many people in their 50s-80s, a generation where spanking wasn't frowned upon and done normally, and they all turned out fine... Now, in the days of going to jail for smacking your child on the hand, there's more violence rising... I'm pretty sure that's not coincidence. It's just hard to believe that once spanking children waned and violence rose, that it has nothing to do with each other...

 

Sounds like a logical fallacy to me. If you don't spank your kids = violence in society will be on the rise ?..All generations will always say how much better methods were in their olden days. You can't attribute such a thing to that, when absolutely *everything* in our society has changed. To point out such a thing and say that is the cause of it, is..not logical.

 

No one is saying that those who were spanked turn out as monsters or even badly. However, I am saying the risk is not worth it. The risk is effecting the child in a bad way when there are plenty of methods available to discipline without resorting to such methods.