Is it effective to smack the fingers or hand of a 1 year old?

[avman]

I do not agree with hitting or spanking children. I think it merely makes the child afraid and that's no way to go through childhood. As others mention, it also shows the child that hitting is ok because mommy and daddy do it.

 

People's points about going to the opposite extreme and being totally permissive is also totally accurate. Doing nothing at all isn't good either. Children then don't learn any limits and they don't come to understand that life is not all about them. They have to have appropriate boundaries and consequences.

 

For such a young child I'd never recommend hitting them on the hand. A stern NO should serve just as well.

[H20]

This thread is already 3 pages long..I rest my case..

 

And a 'slap on the hand' is a FAR cry from a beating....good grief.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

By the way... In recent years, I've seen more teenagers cuss their parents out (those who apparently weren't given consequences)... I'd like to see this 30 years ago when spanking wasn't a big deal.

 

Also, I don't buy the poverty thing. I live in a rich upscale neighborhood and see snooty, spoiled children all over... They don't listen to their parents, talk back to them, and have bad attitudes... These are NOT children of poverty, but some of which even have stay at home mothers... How is this explained?

 

It is explained because every human family is completely different, there are only trends on which people can make observations. Rich kids get in trouble, too. Smacked children can be highly effective, happy adults, but when talking about generalizations, this is not the case as often.

 

Again, I highly suggest reading some things about sociology, you might find them interesting and it will give you a different perspective.

[Lamour detruit]

This thread is already 3 pages long..I rest my case..

 

And a 'slap on the hand' is a FAR cry from a beating....good grief.

 

No one is even talking about a beating. I know you feel somehow offended because you grew up with spanking and turned out fine, but that doesn't mean it doesn't have an effect. We are just debating the matter of how much it could possibly influence a child.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

No one is even talking about a beating. I know you feel somehow offended because you grew up with spanking and turned out fine, but that doesn't mean it doesn't have an effect. We are just debating the matter of how much it could possibly influence a child.

 

Agreed, I'm not trying to insinuate severe child abuse, please do not take it personal. It's great you feel like being hit was good for you.

[H20]

No...the thread is about if it's bad to smack a small child on the hand..and inevitably it turns into a "smacking is violent". No'beating is violent. And I'm not telling anyone HOW to raise their children...it's not my place. I know what worked for ME might not for everyone. But Inthink it's safe to say that the way kids treat their parents these days is a direct result of them NOT acting in a timely manner..ie, when they are toddlers...and waiting till they are too old to care about punishment or consequences.

[H20]

Agreed, I'm not trying to insinuate severe child abuse, please do not take it personal. It's great you feel like being hit was good for you.

 

And see this comment is totally UNCALLED for.

[XxJustMexX]

For the same reasons poor kids join gangs, there is no parenting. Rich children are often left to raise themselves amidst the richness their parents provide. The parents believe they can substitute their presence with toys, money, etc.

 

So doesn't this mean the poverty argument is invalid as it's parenting as a whole that is the issue... Not poverty itself... correct? I never said that it was black and white. There are MANY factors in how a child grows up. Some spanked grow up good, some bad... Some not spanked grow up good, some bad.

 

There's no ONE way to parent. All I was saying was I disagree that spanking = growing up hitting other people. That's all my point was. I'm not making a take it or leave it comment, I'm VERY open to discussion, yet there are posters saying for a "fact" that spanking creates violence. I was just pointing out that I highly doubt it since children were spanked long before all these gangs and high violent rates showed up.

 

Like someone said before, these posts always gets heated because this is one of those controversial things. People parent differently. It's also funny how I've seen this SAME post several times in several years and depending on who's online, who's having a good day, who wants to speak up, etc... the answers ALWAYS differ. Why? Because we're all different parents and we all parent differently.

[Kumatora]

Like someone above mentioned, kids who ultimately end up in gangs actually are physically punished more than the average child and it does nothing for them. Why? Because the real culprit is not having parents at all. Is that true of EVERY child that ends up in a gang or is violent? Of course not.

Absolutely true. I work in an alternative school and the kids who tend to be "messed up" have received more physical punishment from home than a child in a comprehensive school. I also work with children who are living with relatives that are barely there or are living in another country. Back in the day (1950s-1960s) we also didn't have a widespread of gangs such as MS-13, Bloods, Crips, etc. So it's unfair to compare this generation to the 1950's because kids are going through a LOT these days.

 

Even when I smacked his hand the one time that I did it, I was calm and I spoke to him in a calm voice, which is probably why he completely ignored the smack and hit me back. He probably thought we were playing.

You can be calm... but you need to be stern. Just remember you are in charge and hitting back an adult is not to be tolerated.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Smacking a child on the hand is a violent act, why be offended by that? It works for some, but isn't usually very helpful in creating a healthy child.

 

I will suggest reading sociological study to you, also lol, but I am not surprised. Adult children who were raised with hitting usually defend it and think its absence create unruly children.

[GPrime]

...It's just hard to believe that once spanking children waned and violence rose, that it has nothing to do with each other...

 

Violence hasn't risen. Violent crimes have been on a steady decline since about 1990-1992. Isn't that common knowledge? Or did you, like so many, let news media scare you into thinking otherwise.

 

Study after study proves corporal punishment has negative effects, especially at 0-3 years.

 

A child at these early stages cannot 'learn' (in the way adults are hoping they would) from anything short of serious trauma. Yes, being burnt by the stove will teach them to fear the stove, and yes, inflicting equal pain yourself will do that same (anything less will only confuse them)... but both carry a trauma penalty that sticks with the child, so both are a failure in our parental role of keeping them safe. Besides, I'd rather my child be fearful and distrustful with the stove for hurting him, rather than being fearful and distrustful with me.

 

As parents, our JOB is to keep the child safe - early on that is simply avoidance - only later can you actually teach the child not to do something dangerous (at which point teaching is also more effective than using violence). There is no good, proper time to use violence to achieve desired results, and studies prove it. Only anecdotal, nonfactual garbage can suggest otherwise.

 

If anyone doubts my facts, then go back to Internet 101 because you fail at Google.

[g84]

Honestly, i don't believe it's necessarily something negative to do, but i'm not sure if i see it as effective, either.

(To clarify, i'm thinking about very light smacks, not hard hitting and causing pain).

 

I think that many parents may have done it at least a few times.

There can definitely be other ways to handle a situation, for sure...but i won't look down on someone who smacks a child's hand.

Maybe i'm thinking about this from another angle, but to me, a very light smack doesn't sound so terrible at all compared to other possible scenarios out there.

The impact of doing this comes together with so many other factors, so we can't really predict that the child is going to respond a certain way.

In the end, i can't say that it's a good thing, and i'm not saying it's necessarily a bad thing.

[Lamour detruit]

No...the thread is about if it's bad to smack a small child on the hand..and inevitably it turns into a "smacking is violent". No'beating is violent. And I'm not telling anyone HOW to raise their children...it's not my place. I know what worked for ME might not for everyone. But Inthink it's safe to say that the way kids treat their parents these days is a direct result of them NOT acting in a timely manner..ie, when they are toddlers...and waiting till they are too old to care about punishment or consequences.

 

Smacking is a physical punishment, no ?..I am not saying it is severe, but it is physical..and hence it can potentially have a much larger effect on the child mentally, simply because of that. No matter how small, it is still different.

 

Plenty of parents might not react in a timely manner to their children, but if they were to be consistent..and strict..without resorting to spanking or slapping, that would be more than enough. Not reacting in a timely manner is the problem, or not disciplining them enough is the problem, not the fact no smacking is involved.

[XxJustMexX]

No...the thread is about if it's bad to smack a small child on the hand..and inevitably it turns into a "smacking is violent". No'beating is violent. And I'm not telling anyone HOW to raise their children...it's not my place. I know what worked for ME might not for everyone. But Inthink it's safe to say that the way kids treat their parents these days is a direct result of them NOT acting in a timely manner..ie, when they are toddlers...and waiting till they are too old to care about punishment or consequences.

 

This is pretty much my opinion...

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

And see this comment is totally UNCALLED for.

 

I'm not being rude, I meant that genuinely. Some adults are traumatized by the way they were punished, if that poster is not, it is a good thing.

 

I don't see how you're offended.

[H20]

You guys don't believe in smacking a child's hand when they have been told OVER and OVER not to do something....that is great. Good for you. It's my right to smack my childs hand without being told it's wrong or that I am an evil parent or person. But I WILL smack my child's hand if need be..and if it's effective. So there you go...

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

If you had asked our opinion, we would have given it, as was done for Cat. Since you didn't, I'm not interested in what you do to your children and I was never telling you what you should do. It is up to you.

 

If you claim social trends without merit, I will disagree with suggestions for proof of the truth. I'm allowed that, like you.

 

Who would think the topic of swatting/slapping/smacking children would be a contentious one?

 

[Lamour detruit]

You guys don't believe in smacking a child's hand when they have been told OVER and OVER not to do something....that is great. Good for you. It's my right to smack my childs hand without being told it's wrong or that I am an evil parent or person. But I WILL smack my child's hand if need be..and if it's effective. So there you go...

 

You are taking this way too personal, and that is to be expected. You were spanked as a child, and feel the need to justify it because you turned out fine. That is fine and well, but that doesn't mean it works out as well for others. There are studies that show the dangers outweigh the possible benefits. The problem is not that no physical punishment is involved any more, the problem with some parents is just that they lack some overall discipline.

 

No one is saying you are a bad person or a monster. If you want to smack your child's hand, fine. Just be sure to keep the possible bad effects in mind.

[XxJustMexX]

If anyone doubts my facts, then go back to Internet 101 because you fail at Google.

 

So 20 years ago prior to the invention of the internet, where did people learn to parent?

[H20]

I'm not being rude, I meant that genuinely. Some adults are traumatized by the way they were punished, if that poster is not, it is a good thing.

 

I don't see how you're offended.

 

I'm not offended..it's the 'smugness' of your attitude. There is NOTHING wrong with me. I am extremely well adjusted and and a very upstanding person...and YES I DO think it is because of the way I was disciplined. It was old school..and effective for ME. All three of my siblings turned out respectfully and do not even curse in my mothers presence. I RESPECT my mother for how she raised me. She did her best..I don't and will NEVER fear her because she spanked me as a child, when I needed it.

[Sanesoul]

I have had to tap my daughter's hand probably 5 times in her life. These were all instances where she was doing something that could potentially hurt her.

 

She has never hit me back, and she is a very docile child.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I'm not offended..it's the 'smugness' of your attitude. There is NOTHING wrong with me. I am extremely well adjusted and and a very upstanding person...and YES I DO think it is because of the way I was disciplined. It was old school..and effective for ME. All three of my siblings turned out respectfully and do not even curse in my mothers presence. I RESPECT my mother for how she raised me. She did her best..I don't and will NEVER fear her because she spanked me as a child, when I needed it.

 

Then why are you so upset when someone disagrees? Relax!

[Citlali]

So doesn't this mean the poverty argument is invalid as it's parenting as a whole that is the issue... Not poverty itself... correct? I never said that it was black and white. There are MANY factors in how a child grows up. Some spanked grow up good, some bad... Some not spanked grow up good, some bad.

 

Really? Poverty forces the parents to have to work TWO or sometimes even THREE jobs, which then leads to them not being at home to parent and bond with their kids, which then leads to the kids looking for another source of support, care, protection, and fun--gangs. The two are interrelated. As for rich kids, poverty isn't the one removing the parents from the home and as a result preventing them from parenting. The substitute for poverty's effects in rich homes is the parents' own jobs or choices. They may be busy with their professional jobs or having fun of their own, going to certain events with friends, going on trips, etc. Like I said, they fell they can substitute their presence with toys, money, etc. That doesn't mean poverty in the first setting isn't an outcome determinative factor at all. You cannot make equal comparisons. Have you never read any studies or articles or journals on this?

[GPrime]

So 20 years ago prior to the invention of the internet, where did people learn to parent?

 

People learned from studies identified on television, and from books. If you think each generation has to follow the failings of the previous generation, then you don't understand evolution, biologically or technologically speaking.

[Thx]

I believe in corner standing, but a one year old is probably too young for that.

 

Also, soap in the mouth for the incurable foul-mouth.

 

One family I knew in particular comes to mind.

 

The mother would constantly scream obscenities at the little ones, (about 2 and 4 year olds) the kids basically became used to it and became rather foul-mouthed themselves at a pretty tender age.

 

The mother would lightly spank the littlest who was in diapers and had plenty of padding. She'd just laugh, flip her mother the bird and run off. It was a game.

 

Didn't help when people would see her give the finger and say "Oh how cute".

 

Corner standing was the only thing that little Junior feared. Man he hated it.

 

That was 20 years ago and I wonder where those kids are now.

 

Thx