Things Female Dumpers/Cheaters Say...

[DMK]

This applies to males in some regards too, but I wanted to compile a list (feel free to join in) of the warning phrases or dumptime phrases that girls have been known to use when they are checking out of a relationship with you. This is mostly to give comfort to you, when you see that in many cases they are running a script and say the exact same things. So, in other words, there's nothing you really could have done or be doing. They have just decided to exit and their brain is elsewhere.

 

If you hear or have heard any of this, start preparing yourself for the dump mentally, as it's likely too late to change anything now.

 

Any of these 10 sound familiar?

 

1. "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you."

2. "The spark is gone."

3. "You feel more like a brother or a roommate to me."

4. "I DO love you."

 

(Note the do in #4 by the way, I was told that the DO love you sort of means, I DO love you, then is followed by a silent "BUT..." and then all the reasons in her mind she can't be with you anymore).

 

5. "I don't know/like who I am anymore."

6. "We just grew apart."

7. "We were breaking up anyway."

 

(Note in #7, this is something a cheating girlfriend/wife often says when her cheating is discovered, also note the similar number eight...)

 

8. "I am not cheating on you."

 

A girlfriend or wife who cheats seems to think that only the actual act of intercourse is cheating, but phone calls, texts, kissing, sleeping in the same bed, etc are not "cheating".

 

9. "I need some time and space to myself."

 

This one is tricky as it's not always necessarily marking the end of a relationship, but if that time and space starts coming with requests to go out alone with "friends", or be gone overnight (and she never did this before), look out. Major red flag. You're being replaced.

 

And the always classic...

 

10. "It's not you, it's me."

 

Wanna comment? Add? Go for it...This is just to get the ball rolling.

[kyivish]

11. We want different things in life.

 

That hurt cause we actually wanted the same things in life.

[alli]

I said #10 a long time ago, but it was totally the other way around in reality. It really was him. But I didn't care if he blamed me. I was willing to take 100% of the blame if it meant the relationship was over.

 

But when someone wants to break up & the other person doesn't & demands a reason, what exactly are you supposed to say? Yeah, you don't want to lie. But brutal honesty would probably result in being labeled the "b" word. Most people won't accept the answer "I just don't want to be with you anymore" and demand further explanation.

[Citlali]

I actually just say, "I don't want to be with you anymore." I don't think I have to say more than what I actually feel. If they can't deal with that, then it becomes their problem.

 

Also, though, just because many women use a lot of these as excuses, because they can't bring themselves to be honest about it, doesn't mean that every woman that says one of those is saying it dishonestly. In other words, she could actually mean it when she says, "I have dated you, but I see you only as a brother, but not more. I am sorry. I tried."

[DMK]

Oh most definitely, these are not meant to be lies but rather just patterns that are established by female dumpers from what I have noticed and read about over the years. I never meant to imply some of them might not actually be true representations of feelings.

 

However, I think just as often, these are quotations made when the brutal honesty might hurt too much for her to say (in her eyes she is protecting her ex from being too cruel)...And sometimes, some of these lines are uttered when a girl is already thinking of or seeing another guy, too.

[DMK]

I actually just say, "I don't want to be with you anymore." I don't think I have to say more than what I actually feel. If they can't deal with that, then it becomes their problem.

 

Hey Jenn,

 

Would you even be that terse if you were ending a LTR too? Or were you thinking of more shorter term or less exclusive relationships when making a statement like that? Just curious. It is an honest way to approach a breakup, for sure, though it might seem a bit terse for ending a longer, more meaningful relationship (especially if he didn't see it coming).

[alli]

I dated this guy who broke things off by creating some elaborate story that his ex girlfriend who formerly lived with him but moved away for college, lost her full ride scholarship because the school went under & had to move in with him the next day so she could start working at a job already lined up in the nearby city. And she had no one else she could live with.. parents, siblings, or friends. Only her ex. And even though they were broken up, he could no longer see me anymore.

 

Bonus points for the creativity I guess.

[Citlali]

Hey Jenn,

 

Would you even be that terse if you were ending a LTR too? Or were you thinking of more shorter term or less exclusive relationships when making a statement like that? Just curious. It is an honest way to approach a breakup, for sure, though it might seem a bit terse for ending a longer, more meaningful relationship (especially if he didn't see it coming).

 

I would for sure say that, but I would add in precisely why. I usually do be it 4 months or 4 years. Sometimes, though, especially when I dated someone for a really short time, I had no other reason I could articulate. So, I would say just that. I didn't think at that point I owed him more than that. I also would not expect more. However, I am also not one to sugar coat things or avoid giving precise reasons why, if I have them, I don't want to be with someone anymore. If it s because he has poor hygiene, I say, "It is because you have poor hygiene." If it is because he is selfish and inconsiderate, I say, "It is because you are selfish and inconsiderate." I don't like lying or trying to spare feelings, because if I am not honest, then he won't see what led to the break-up and he won't have a chance to evaluate his behavior so he won't do it again the next time around.

[paulg6565]

I am no good for you.

 

Thats what she told me. In other words do one!!

[Carus]

"I want to go out to test how deep my love for you is..."

 

.....she never came back

 

And the big one to watch out for is: "Its over. Goodbye"....lol