Ex bf living with me, feels like a couple but just friends?

[warmpandacola]

Agh! Ok, so my ex and I dated for 9 months and lived together 5 months then in march I asked him to move out. We ended up breaking up because of that. We kind of fought a bit and he was getting depressed and had a lot to deal with when it comes to working and getting his life straightened up again. I started feeling unappreciated and figured it would be best for some time apart. However, I soon regretted it and wanted to get back together but he was being cold and mean to me and I was being pathetic and emotional. I should of did no contact and sometimes would for a week but one of us would always break it.

 

He'd come over maybe once a week or every other week either for him to do me a favor to give me a ride somewhere the next day (when I didn't have a car for a short time) or I'd give him a ride (when I got my car back and he was paranoid one day about driving w/o a lisense). On those nights we'd wind up having sex and I'd fall back into the emotional wreck again. The last time I had gotten mad and said that he was using me and a bunch of stuff. We didn't talk much after that and I was gonna start no contact when I had car trouble at my work. He and his brother ended up coming down to help me and afterward he was acting like a jerk towards me. After that I started nc again for a week. Took all his mail to his sister's house. He returned my mp3 player in his friends mailbox.

 

I thought we were cutting it off for good but then a week later he called. He was worried because a month ago he got pulled over when driving home from work and he lied saying he was his twin brother. He told me all about this. It was only a fine for rolling throught a stop sign (which he says he didn't). Reason he acted like his brother is because he has a suspended liscense due to child support arrearage from an ex. He's been working a roofing job under the table to pay on chikd support since the thing is still on his old income from a job he had two years ago. I've actually been proud of him for working do hard lately because when I was first with him he was looking for a job and now he works every day either roofing, helping at a friend's shop, or old lady's yards.

 

I was certainly NOT proud that he had lied to the police officer when he should've told the truth cuz I looked into it and they actually gave a law here where they can't take you to jail with a suspended liscense. He would've had one less charge on him if he told the truth. His brother complained to police about false identity. So the day that my ex called he knew he was going to jail and he wanted to see if I would take him. I said no. He was in jail a week and then his brother bailed him out cuz he didn't want his brother in jail (I know, weird lol).

 

After he got out he ended up moving back in with me because his friend he lived with was charging him twice as much as his rent was here and also it was further away and now he's closer to his work so he can ride his bike to and from work since he's not gonna drive anymore til he gets his fines paid off and liscense back. He's working hard to take care of it all and is paying me rent and buying groceries as well.

 

It's just been weird because we went from fighting to not talking to not being able to talk since he was in there to him moving back in "as a friend" and we've been getting along and kinda feels like we're a couple. I admit we had sex when he first moved in this week but now I'm not gonna because just last night he was saying how he doesn't want a relationship right now. I'm just confused because well, I understand he just got hit with a lot of crap that he's gotta take care of but why act like a couple and everything and then not want the commitment part. Idk. It's like I know he does care and even after he said it he still just tried to put his arm around me. I even caught him randomly talking about a rooster in the neighborhood. Then jokingly asked if I want a pet rooster and I said not really. He was like "when we have a house we're gonna have a rooster"... I was like "we?" ... He's like "oh..I mean.. I"

 

so I gotta set up some boundries. He's living with me so this makes things difficult simply cuz I have feelings and want him back but I guess I just need to make sure he doesn't have sex with me anymore and make sure I spend time doing other things instead of spending time with him watching movies and whatnot or else he's gonna get too comfortable.

 

I know most people are gonna wonder why the heck i even want to get back with him if he's gotta take care of his fines and child support debt. But I don't care, I love him. He's just kinda stupid sometimes but he's not a dead beat he's just trying to get his life back together. His original job that he lost 2 years ago happen just a year after her gf before me died! He's finally got a job he work 5-6 days a week.

[savignon]

You should definitely set up some boundaries, especially where he's telling you he doesn't want a relationship. He's learned that he can treat you badly, take advantage and still call your place "home" so tread lightly and be aware.

Best wishes.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I find his attitude towards people very disconcerting. In order to save his hide with the police he screwed over his brother! If he could do something like that then it is not too surprising that he could use you for sex and not bat an eyelash. Sounds like he doesn't care what he does to others as long as he gets what he wants.