What causes an ex to be mean to you for no reason?

[ang3l2004]

Ok I need help,I am really stressed out,It's like one minute my ex is nice to me and the next minute he is really mean to me,I have never did anything but be nice to him and I dont know what to do,I dont want to stop talking to him because I love him but also I dont want him talking to him any way he wants to,What makes the ex mean?Even if you are nice what causes an ex to be mean to you for no reason?What can I do now im stuck in the middle of a hard decision now I really dont want to stop talkin g to him can anyone help me?Im crying my eyes out and im so stressed I get so angry but dont show it!I dont know what to do anymore someone please give me there input

[1Adam12]

ok ang3l just breathe deeply for a few seconds ok...

 

First off I would suggest just not picking up the phone and talking to him..he obviously does not want to try to fix the relationship and doesn't care for you

 

You need to stop talking to him..he's not worth crying over..

 

Phillip

[ang3l2004]

It's alot more to it then that and its easier said then done anyone else have there opinion

[sinnerboy]

hi,

 

sorry to hear that you are going throught so much pain. i know how it feels my ex is the same way. the best thing you can do is to stop talking to him. you see your ex knows how much hurt you are, he also knows that he can get away with anything, because you love him. if you do not stop talking with him he will continue being like that and that is not healthy for you. you have to start thinking about yourself and what is best for you in this moment (not your ex) i know you do not want to hear that but you have to let him go. if you really want to be his friend in the future you must give yourself some time to heal and if you keep talking to him you just going to make it worst for yourself.

 

good luck

 

ps

if you want to talk just pm me.

[mahlina]

Sinnerboy, words of wisdom! 1Adam12, simple words wrapped up into a simple post. The two of you really know how to sum up the advise! I agree. Honest Angel, this guy's not mature enough for you. I read through a couple of your previous posts, to gain more insight to your situation, and thought to myself, "Boy, this guy's lucky to have someone love him so much! Is he going online to look for advice to patch things up like Angel is?" My point is: Does he love you, and care about you enough to actually put in the time and effort into the relationship like you are?

 

Hum. Sounds to me, like this relationship sounds too one sided. His mood-swings are unacceptable! One minute he's okay, and the next minute he decides to treat you like dirt. I don't know why he's being mean to you one minute, and the oppossite the next. Honey, I've been in a similar situation like that. I know how you feel. It's like walking on eggshells. If he's getting all moody on you, and cannot appreciate your love, tenderness, and efforts, then:

1. Realize that you DESERVE better!

2. Love is about working things out. Why is it that he's an ex now? Ask yourself: "If he truly loved me, then why am I left alone, being the one to mend things up? Aren't relationships about understanding and sticking together through thick & thin?"

3. Tell yourself: "I will NOT settle." I deserve better.

4. Try to gain rationality behind it.

 

I know that love is blind, and when we're in love, we're clouded by these illusions of love. We want to give the world to 'save' our relationship. Well guess what honey, if he can break things off with you, walk out on you now, then what makes you think that he won't do it again? I know that it's painful. But truly ask yourself if you want to be in this vicious cycle of torment. In reality, when two mature people love each other, they try to work things out. What I'm seeing is that he's not mature enough. He acts like a kid. Is being mean necessary? Is it appropriate. Your man should treat you with the RESPECT that you deserve, and all I'm seeing is that he's walking over your poor heart. That's not love. I think that it's called 'selfishness.' I've been there, and done that, so I can relate to you.

 

As for Sinnerboy's advice goes, he's right. Your ex knows that he has you. He knows that regardless of how nasty he treats you, you will always be there for him. Your commitment is golden. It's sincere, but he needs to give in that 'same' amount of effort. If he's not respecting you now, then think about how he'd be like as 'marriage material.' Life's about enjoying the happy things. It's about finding that personal fulfillment. If we can find our 'other half' to help us along the way, then that is GREAT! But, if someone pulls us down, then we should realize that they're NOT the right person. If they're going to be an anchor, and pull us down, make our lives miserable, then we don't need that! We need someone who will make life enjoyable.

 

So ask yourself if he's the right person for you okay? The right person will offer you that love that you least expect. You won't even have to ask anything from him/her, love will naturally flow, if your partner respects you enough. There will always be hurdles in relationships, but this one seems unrepairable. He's not putting enough respect, effort, and nurture. My ex-manager puts it so well: "If he/she's not wanting to work things out, break up, and disrespect you, then what they're basically saying is: You're not GOOD ENOUGH." I think that Phil's right. He doesn't care for you enough. And Sinnerboy's right.

you have to start thinking about yourself and what is best for you in this moment (not your ex)

 

Good Luck to ya!

Healing Takes Time.

Hang in there,

Mahlina

 

P.S.- Smile, and tell yourself: "This pain is only temporary!"

[ang3l2004]

Mahlina thankyou for taking your time out to read and reply to my post as long as the others I appreciate it,This is so hard for me and it hurts so much im so afraid to let go that I tell myself that I dont want to and its so hard,I would do anything for him and you all are very right what do i get from it?But with me I take it because I hope we have another chance,I get to here about how much fun he is having and even if I do go out here and there to have fun as soon as I get home I start thinking and I cant help it,I dont want to lose him forever I do truly care for him,This is so tough on me and im so depressed,I wish there was an easy way to fix myself but theres not and it hurts

 

Mahlina you are a very pretty girl to I bet you have it good with the guys But other then that its like no matter what I do I cant stop thinking about him and the situation,I end up calling him or he does call me here and there but sometimes he is so mean

[Mun]

Stop calling him, stop looking for him. Show with your ACTIONS that you expect to be treated with respect and there is no other way. Do not be afraid to lose him, he is only feeding off of that and mistreating you more. You should never show someone that your life depends on them. You can stand on your own and if need be, you can be by yourself, but you never EVER let someone mistreat you.

 

If you don't love yourself, how can someone else appreciate and love you?

 

Be strong

[ang3l2004]

I understand what you mean by that,It's not that I depend on him it is that I miss him and I believed everything he told me during the breakup was the truth because he was so sincere,Now I know that I am not supose to put up with someone talking to me whatever they want to but I am afraid of losing contact with him because I do love him I do care for him and my feelings are true,His may not be right now but mine are,Mabe thats why it is so hard and mabe a little hard to understand,I dont like to fight so I just dont say anything I just feel so upset afterwards because I know I dont deserve to be talked to any way,I feel so alone right now and im so depressed with my situation.

[mahlina]

Hey thanks Ang3l2004,

 

I just wanted to let you know, that with your commitment, loyalty, maturity, and compassionate heart, you deserve better. I also wanted to let you know that I truly know how you feel. I really do. My situations was almost exactly like yours. I wouldn't know if it's 100% similar, but close enough, in a sense that I know how you feel, according to what's described in your situation. I also know how it feels to have such a JERK of an ex, to be so mean and cold. You deserve a pat on your back, and a big bear hug from all of us on enotalone.

 

First of all, you have to realize that you are precious. I know that as women who are commited/loyal, we are willing to do whatever it takes to 'salvage' a relationship, but what I've come to realize is: "It's not worth it." Trust me. Sooner or later, the next guy that you meet, will surely treat you better. That's if we learn to be 'selective.' You see, it's important to sit yourself down, and ask yourself, "Do I deserve this?"

- "Will I be happy to walk down that aisle, knowing that this is what I deserve?"

- "Is this all that I'm worth? Is just a few crumbs of happiness?"

- "Are these feelings of discontent and bewilderness worth living for?"

 

No it's not, right? Try not to settle. I'm serious. If he's not seeing what you're worth, treating you like scum, and not appreciating your love for him, then let him be the one to suffer. Don't let him reef the benefits of your commitment, even though it still feels like a pseudo-relationship. In reality a 'Real' relationship has the fundamental components of 'strong relationship', which are:

1. Honesty

2. Respect

3. Trust

4. Admiration

5. Communication

6. Romance

7. Passion

8. Unconditional love

 

Now, what I see is that you're offering what's mentioned above. I see that you are knowledgeble about the basic 'framework' for a 'healthy' relationship, and he doesn't. His being cold, distant, mean, and cruel, is just the oppossite of what's mentioned above. He's acting up, and seems to be all about his 'ego.' That doesn't sound like a 'bestfriend' to me, rather like a foe. You're true friend, partner, bestfriend, will offer you that willing love and respect that you deserve, without you asking for it. That's called love, on a mature, and unconditional level.

 

I know. Heatache is tough, but try to make sense of how you're feeling. Try not to focus on him, or the relationship.

 

If we can't find all of the answers to our hearaches, then at least these articles or books that help us to move on, also helps us to make sense of our situation. I truly hope that my advice helps, and you're welcome.

 

Take Care Girly,

You'll Heal Gracefully,

Hang in there!

[Greenlee]

GUILT is probably the reason. He probably is seeing someone but can't let you go.

[TrueHeart]

I've always of the firm belief that if someone truly loves you, or even cares about you- they should treat you with some respect and kindness knowing you have feelings too. No one should do/say things to you just to be malicious or whatever.

 

Indeed, it IS easier said than done, but believe me, sometimes you just HAVE to endure all that crap. Otherwise, your left going backwards. You just have to mentally get a hold of yourself and say to yourself that if he really loved me, he wouldn't be mean-- thats pretty much what it boils down to.

 

It is soo hard to really want to accept that this person is out of your life. I came from an emotionally abusive relationship, and it wasn't until I found this forum with all these great people on it that helped ME to realize I was truly better off without him.. I found my strength.. so can you!

[lady00]

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